Cursed: Migraine in a word
Another word that stood out to me among the responses to our recent request that you describe how migraine disease makes you feel in one word is "cursed." I have a confession to make: from the time I started having migraine attacks as a child (somewhere around age 6), I thought they were evidence I was being punished for some kind of deficiency. In a nutshell, I felt cursed.
When you suffer debilitating pain, extreme nausea and disorientation as a child, there are a few natural reactions to this. One is to never, ever tell anyone you sometimes didn't know where you were or why you were there despite being at the studio for dance lessons where you went every single week. Another is that you search for an explanation for your suffering because it doesn't even occur to you that someone could be feeling this way and not have done something to deserve it. I liken it to the way kids tend to believe their parents' divorce is their fault despite a complete lack of evidence to support that view.
Now that I'm all grown up I know a lot more about my migraine disease and have more information about why I live with it. On a basic level I completely understand it's a bad combination of the right genetics (most likely on both my mom and dad's side of the family) and really bad luck. But I must admit there is still some part of me that remembers the feeling that I've brought this on myself like it was yesterday and still sort of buys in to it. I know it's irrational and unhealthy and just plain wrong. But it's hard to let go of something so deeply ingrained.
Can anyone else relate to feeling as though migraine disease is a curse? Have you ever felt like you must have done something to bring this on yourself?
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