Dreams by Fleetwood Mac
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness
Like a heartbeat
Drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost
I remember singing Fleetwood Mac songs with my Mom as a kid as we drove in the car. Even though they were a little before my time, I connected with their timeless lyrics and haunting harmonies. I became an even bigger fan when I saw them live about 10 years ago. Lindsay Buckingham is such an underrated guitarist and the chemistry he and Stevie have all these years later was mesmerizing. My mom and I are planning on seeing them again as they tour later this year.
As I sat in the audience watching their performance, belting my heart out along with them, I daydreamed about being a back-up singer for them. As a kid I had a top-notch music teacher and basically lived at the community theatre. I received a musical theatre scholarship for college and imagined my life in New York City. But life had different plans for me. Through a series of questionable life decisions on my part, I was only able to complete a year of studies before needing to work full-time. I worked in banking to pay the bills and finished a degree in Business Management at night. While my career flourished, I always had a nagging regret that I didn't follow my dream.
To scratch my artistic itch, I would do local theatre and sing in a community choir. For the fun of it, I would record songs with a friend who had a studio in his house. I sang the National Anthem several times for the Orioles, Nationals and the Capitals. While this was a long way off from the Broadway life I had coveted, it fulfilled my need to be in the spotlight.
But life had even more surprises in store for me. Chronic Migraines took control 3 years ago, which stopped all extra curricular activities. I could barely get to work every day, let alone sing under bright lights. "In the stillness of remembering what I had and what I lost", it can get depressing. Spending so much time in the quiet, can "drive you mad". Dreaming of what your life should be instead of what it is can make one bitter and less likely to take charge of their own recovery. Living in the past is not a fun place to be.
"Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?" Yes I do. Once I finally accepted that life with Chronic Migraines was my new reality, I had to make peace with the dreams of my youth. I've traded my dreams of being the next American Idol or American Idiot for dreams that fit who I am and where I am today. I haven't been writing for very long but I'm excited to see where it can take me. And I'm only just beginning to scratch the surface of Migraine Advocacy, where I think I can make a huge impact.
I don't want to be like the prom queen or high school quarterback who are still holding on to their glory days 20 years later. It's sad. People grow up, lives change and evolve, so should your dreams. I may still get a tug on my heart every time I watch "The Voice," but I'm ready to follow my new dreams instead of "remembering what I had and what I lost."
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