Skip to Accessibility Tools Skip to Content Skip to Footer
Is anger really all that bad?

Is anger really all that bad?

I’ve been seeing a lot of memes and comments on social media about the health dangers of anger for those with chronic disease. This idea that any one emotion is “bad” has me very concerned. It is not healthy to suppress our emotions. Of course, we must respond appropriately. That is not the same as assigning a moral value to something that is an automatic and uncontrollable fact of human neurology. Emotions occur. They are ALL perfectly normal. It is healthy to feel any and all emotions, including anger.

It is a fascinating emotion. Unlike so many other emotions, anger is almost always a secondary response. We often feel anger only after we’ve already experienced another emotion we don’t want to feel. We can feel anger because we feel ignored, ridiculed, helpless, fearful, or any other emotion. Even the common anger we feel toward stigma has a precursor emotion. Many times it’s humiliation.

The key to a healthy response to anger is in knowing where to direct the energy. There are essentially three options.

#1 – You can let it consume you.

Turning that anger inward is often a toxic precursor to depression. Our thoughts become darker as we increase self-blame. Even anger in  response to the behavior of others can get turned in on ourselves. This happens when we begin thinking that we deserve to be treated badly. We start attaching unfavorable adjectives to our self-concept. Before long, we are unable to acknowledge even one positive trait. We begin to believe there is no hope, that nothing will ever change, that we are powerless to help ourselves. Anger toward self is a deadly poison.

#2 – You can use it to harm others.

Feeling anger toward another person is also very normal. This kind of anger drives us to take action. We feel the urge to do something to right the perceived wrong. When we become angry at others, it is often because of unrealized expectations. The other person behaved in ways that were contrary to our expectations of them. The outward expression of this anger is often, “But he/she should have known better!” The energy of this anger, if left unchecked, fuels the fires of revenge and may lead to an ever-escalating feud.

#3 – You can transform it.

Anger is a stimulating emotion. It contains powerful energy that demands to be expressed. As with any power source, it can be used in destructive ways. It can also be used for the creation and growth of something positive. When we recognize the anger, we have the opportunity to redirect that energy. We can channel it to produce a positive change.

Most often, when I experience anger, it is because I feel helpless to enact change. My perspective gets clouded and I stop seeing all my options. Sometimes I need to vent a little anger like a release valve before I can see clearly enough to understand my choices. Because anger is an energizing emotion, venting requires the release of energy.

Experience has taught me that it isn’t so helpful to meditate, relax, or try to “calm down”. A more effective route has been aerobic exercise, a cleaning marathon, or stream of consciousness writing. Any of these allows me to release the energy without filtering my thoughts or actions. After a few hours, I am actually able to put that anger energy to productive use. Whatever situation triggered my angry feelings is now something I can face. It doesn’t seem so ominous, unfair, or out-of-control. Angry energy can now be utilized to fuel the action needed to solve my problem.

My migraine symptoms didn’t start getting better until I got angry…

  • at society for all the stigma directed at migraine.
  • at a healthcare system that appeared indifferent.
  • at my past doctors for not knowing how to help me.
  • at loved ones, bosses, and friends who had ever mistreated me because of migraine.
  • at myself for not being able to find the right answers.

None of that did anything except make me irritable, depressed, and eventually suicidal. The change happened when I got angry enough to do something about it. No one else was going to help me, so I had to find a way to help myself. The positive results didn’t happen overnight, so I stayed angry for a long time. I needed it to give me the strength to keep pushing forward through years of treatment failures.

Sometimes I still get angry – mostly on behalf of other migraineurs who are still suffering. But now I have an outlet for that energy.

Your turn: How do you redirect your anger energy? Do you have any creative strategies for transforming it?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • BCN
    3 years ago

    Absolutely excellent post. Thank you.

    Contained anger will actually exacerbate migraines.
    September and October have been particularly bad migraine months for me. End of October I started talking to a professional coach to help me with my artistic blockage, lack of execution and improve my time management skills.
    I ended up realizing it was all anger contained inside.
    I had been “swallowing it” in order to protect my husband.
    We had been going through a three-year ordeal about having or not having a third child. It has been impossible for me to explain to my dear husband that I am not a suitable mother for more than two kids. Chronic pain makes me unavailable, impatient and harsh as a parent at times and I am certainly doing my best with my two lovely kids, but sometimes I wish I could be “lighter and merrier”.
    Not being able to convey my message and what it means to live like this made me unconsciously think it wasn’t worth expressing ones true feelings. I was very angry with me for allowing him this power over me and very angry with him for not being able to truly listen and understand what my everyday feels like sometimes.

    This professional coach turned into therapist and helped me navigate to the source of my pain.

    I realize I need ways to channel it and being able to say out loud how angry I was has relieved my pain enormously.

    Angriness is part of life and an “active” feeling. It serves an important purpose.

    We need to let it do its job.

  • Tammy Rome author
    3 years ago

    Thank you so much for sharing! Your story is a perfect example of the damaging effects of “anger turned inward”. Emotions are meant to be expressed. Learning exactly how to express them can make all the difference. So happy you were able to find a coach to help you through this process.

  • Luna
    3 years ago

    “Is anger really all that bad?” Depends on what you do with it. Thanks for reminding us that we have choices.

  • laurahc
    3 years ago

    Anger has helped me get past blaming myself. I can be angry at the disease and what it’s taken from my life (career, friends, husband) instead of blaming myself. My anger at migraine pushes me to keep trying new treatments, seeking new specialists, whatever it takes. The minute I get complacent with migraine will be the day I give up. And I’m not giving up.

  • Poll