The first time I awoke with my cheek in a puddle of drool after passing out because the pain was so severe.
The night I pulled myself across the wood floor on my stomach -- not crawling because the jarring movement intensified the already excruciating pain -- to get to the Midrin in the other room, resting every few feet to gather the gumption to continue.
Having the ER nurse wake me to ask my pain level only to have me fall asleep before I could answer because I was so full of morphine and Thorazine that I couldn't stay awake. When I did finally manage to answer, I was pleased that the pain was down to a 5.
Although I don't exactly cherish these memories, I never want to forget them. That may seem strange -- you'd think I'd want to erase thoughts of such horrendous pain as soon as possible. I hold on to them to so I will always be grateful for my days of less pain and appreciate the tremendous fortitude it took for me to persevere. The further I get from those days, the harder it is to believe I made it through. And the greater my wonderment at my own strength.
If you're still in a place of despair and disability due to migraine, please believe that you are enormously brave for hanging in there. You are not weak because you are sick, but are instead stronger and more courageous than you can possibly imagine. Keep waking up each day and continue to try new treatments. You will eventually find relief.
I send much love to every migraineur, chronic or not. This illness can be ravaging. But it can also be empowering. We are strong, not because we push through when we are ill, pretend to feel better than we do, or take the pain without complaining, but because we persevere.
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