No work again for me today…:(

It’s probably the changing of the seasons. At least that’s what I’ll blame for my increased jaw pain (I didn’t think the constant ache could get any worse!) and general fogginess/slight pain in my head that hasn’t left me alone for days.

Through my regular job, I found out about another opportunity that would get me out of the house on Friday mornings. Wanting to have a tangible reason not to sleep the morning away my only day off (excluding weekends), I thought I would take it. Delivering food to kids whose families perhaps can’t afford to feed them over the weekend is an uncomplicated job. I see lots of people at several schools around the county and have a couple of hours of driving, listening to music. It’s pretty pleasant, overall–and a really sweet deal. I do have to do lots of lifting and carrying of boxes, though, and that’s what I just wasn’t up for this morning. I woke around 8 and couldn’t rid myself of the feeling of dread. I don’t feel horrible at the moment, but I am fairly certain that hours of picking up and carrying boxes will mean a guaranteed, full-blown headache instead of this fuzzy pain I feel in my jaw, cheekbones, and eyes. Can’t risk getting a major attack–had to cancel work.

I feel like I’m pretending, like I’m that kid on the playground who can’t keep up with the rest of them so fakes a quick injury to solicit pity and have an excuse to give up. Logically, I know this is not who I am. But I feel not only guilty but lazy, unmotivated, etc. A few days ago I wrote about coping with guilt when I have to bail. I really need to get better at feeling at peace with my choice to say “No, I can’t make it.”

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