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Sometimes I resent the “normal” people

Note: by the time I posted the following blog entry, I was feeling really great and the durned hair tinsel wasn’t uncomfortable in the least. My mood is much improved by now as well, but for the sake of full disclosure I thought I should show you all the uglier side of how I sometimes feel!

Sometimes I catch myself feeling so resentful, so frustrated with the fact that so-called “regular” people don’t need to watch their every step, always keeping a watchful eye out for the next debilitating migraine attack.

Last night I went to my friend’s awesome boutique in order to have another friend, an accomplished hairstylist in town, put tinsel in my hair. No idea what hair tinsel is? I didn’t either until yesterday morning, though when I learned it looked like this I decided I must make my 8-year-old dreams come true by making my hair sparkle with lovely strands of tinsel.

It looks good on me, surprisingly enough—I say “surprisingly” because I’m not the type of girl who spends a whole lot of time primping. It looks especially neat at night under outdoor lighting. I was really happy I got it.

But today I began to second-guess my spur-of-the-moment decision. I scratched my head and found what I thought was some kind of creepy little nugget of somethin’ (gross, I know). I went to scratch it and realized it was the teensy, tiny knot that Mary had tied toward the root. Supposedly these suckers will stay in for WEEKS.

Touching that one little knot suddenly seemed to make me hyper-aware of all the other tinsel strands and their corresponding knots. As I started to feel the little pinches of discomfort at the site of each strand, a storm was rolling into town—and you know what rainstorms can do to my head.

So now I was potentially pre-migrainous and worried that my silly little hair tinsels were going to push a possible migraine into definite migraine territory.

And then I got mad.

Do you think that most women who go to get some frivolous hair product spiral into worry about how that product might cause them consistent, pinching pain? For that matter, what of the millions of people who don’t have to think twice while sharing a crowded elevator with a lady who happens to be wearing a bucket of perfume? And what a lark it must be for those people out there who can order a Coke, get a Diet Coke by mistake, and not have to pop a migraine pill after having swigged an accidental gulp of aspartame-laden diet soda?

It’s not often I feel this jealous of the regular folk. My calmer, more sane self would say, “Janet, you know that every person has her own issues. You don’t know where anyone else is coming from, so treat people compassionately.” But my crazier side is peeking out instead right now, and I want to lash out at all the people in the world who *seem* to parade through life without having to ever feel as if their walking on eggshells, eggshells that will explode into vicious migraines if even one cracks.

I’m hopeful I’m not the only one who has such bouts of negativity–how do you feel?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • zippy36
    5 years ago

    Yes, it is frustrating. I would like to have my hair long. I finally gave in and cut it because my job requires it chin level or pulled up. Pulling it up causes me scalp and hair pain and migraines.

  • zippy36
    5 years ago

    Can’t even have the hairstyle I want.

  • Ginny
    5 years ago

    I have just discovered this wonderful site and it’s such a relief to find so many other people who suffer like I do. I finally feel “not so alone”.

  • livinwithmigrainepain
    7 years ago

    I haven’t had the hair issue, but I do resent people who can eat and drink what ever they want. Those who don’t have to worry about what kind of lighting they are in or what kind of temperature may be in their current surroundings. For those who don’t have to black out their bedrooms; carry a pharmacy along with them or avoid anything with a scent. Those who can carry on a normal life every single day; not having to avoid flashing lights or changing weather. I miss the ability to eat what ever I want, not avoiding trigger foods. Most of all, I miss the ability to have a normal social life. Who wants to date someone who is constantly in pain or sick due to the pain. So sad to say I regularly resent so called “normal people” and sorry if that makes me a bad person, but the person I am and how I constantly feel, I feel like a prisoner in my home and body.

  • nita
    7 years ago

    I feel the same.I feel like I will explode at anytime with a vicious migraine without warning. These migraines are fairly new to me. I fell at work and landed flat on my head so hard that it bounced and my staff said they heard it hit.That was on the 5th of January this year and it has been one thing after another. I “hate” when someone asks how I feel. Do you have a headache? I want to scream at them..No A headache I can deal with..I have a vicious migraine and my head is going to explode at anytime please leave me alone.How can I deal with that? I’m not a rude person and hate being so short with people. I just want to feel like I did before. I’m not sure if that it is possible. I’m glad there are people out there that have similar problems.

  • wifey
    7 years ago

    Janet, as I sit here and respond to you tears are falling from my eyes. I cannot help it! I will use words some may say sound dramatic, but they just do not know. I have been plagued with this horrible monster since I was just a baby! Yes, at just 2 years old I began getting Migraines. They have virtially controlled and dictated my life. I get more upset not so much at the “normal” people per say, but the normal know it alls or know nothings! You know the ones, either the self made docs who happen to read an article or my personal fave the ones who say, “Oh, a headache”! As if a headache were all it is. I could do a regular headache standing on my head, singing and juggling!! No disrespect intended, but these can usually be the folks you find crying when they get a papercut! Recently I had a serious adverse reaction to a med for prevention, that seriously affected my breathing. I was shunned at every turn by docs. Given medical advice that very well could have killed me. I have run the gammit with this issue and I am tired. I am right there with you in understanding. But, we cannot blame others, it is not their fault, I am sure they have their issues as well. I am a Christian and I believe I will learn from every trial I experience. So, I choose to praise the Lord in my pain and suffering and know that one day it will be gone! I realize this sounds contradictory of what I began saying, I am human, with human emotions. What I choose to do with those thoughts and emotions is where I need to depend on Jesus!

  • Loran Elizabeth Burrell
    8 years ago

    I do resent the “normal” people even though I know it’s silly and they do have their own issues that I may not be aware of. But what I really hate is when the “normal” people tell me what I should do about my “headache” as if they are a medical professional (even after I tell them I’ve tried that and it never works, what works for one person may not work for another, etc.), or they have a dismissive attitude about migraines or minimize their severity. As if they have any idea? No one who has ever suffered from migraines would EVER say “oh they’re not that bad” or treat you like you’re just blowing things out of proportion. I’ve been made to feel as if I’m crazy, whiny, as if my needing “quiet time” is a huge inconvenience to the people I live with…there is little to no compassion, and it makes me angry and sad. So as a migraine suffererer I empathize with others, and as far as other issues go if I do not have the same one I have learned to be compassionate to those who do, because I do not want to make others feel the way I have been made to feel. You never know what someone is dealing with if you have not dealt with it yourself, and in that respect we should all try to be a little more open-minded.

  • Dee
    8 years ago

    One thing I have realised is how indecisive migraines make you. If a friend invites me to a concert and wants a confirmation on the spot so that she can arrange the tickets, i undoubtedly end up umm-ing and err-ing before giving an answer. Many questions run through my mind: what if i get an attack on that daY ? If I do, what will i take? These are the times I wish I was like the rest.

  • Sara Batchelder
    8 years ago

    I think I’m especially negative about “normal” people who have no compassion for what we go through. Insurance companies for instance? Who are they to tell me my migraines aren’t disabling? a few weeks ago, I was almost suicidal about what my life has become due to migraines. It’s been so long since I was normal, I feel pretty isolated from almost everyone. I think it’s inevitable that we go through these negative times – sorry to be such a downer.

  • Michelle Kelly
    8 years ago

    I don’t resent “normal” people, but I do resent people who judge my life with migraines. I wish there was a pill that could give them a full blown 24 hour migraine on a work day, one with lots of people interaction. They might stop critcizing the medicine I take, the unpaid meetings I miss, reconsider implying that we all have problems and that I should stop making excuses for something that may not be real, and even stop complaining that I need to be more fun and stop letting them down when I have to postpone getting together due to another migraine. I hope after a migraine they would appreciate how much effort goes into maintaining excellence, compassion and a smile is on a daily basis with a disorder that cripples one with terrible pain and sickness.

  • Suzanne Johnson
    8 years ago

    Suzanne Johnson · Domestic Engineer at Home.
    I had a similar experience with hair extentions. The worst part was the disgusted look and tone I received from my friend when I asked her to take them out due to the pain. “You’ve “only” had them in a week!” My problem of migraines and pain didn’t matter. It was all about her hurt feelings and what she considered a waste of time. Frustrating….very!

  • Kimberly Bell McClive-Reed
    8 years ago

    One of my personal pet peeves re: non-migraineurs are those that hear me say, “I have migraines” and say, “Oh–me too! And NOTHING works on them but that Excedrin for Migraine. Plain old Excedrin doesn’t even touch them.” I want to scream–and about so many things at once, it’s hard to know which to pick. First–MIGRAINE EXCEDRIN AND CLASSIC EXCEDRIN ARE THE EXACT-SAME-MEDICATION. Identical ingredients in identical amounts. Read the labels on the things you put in your body! Yes, migraines sometimes respond to Excedrin. But more likely, somebody with frequent headaches that respond to Excedrin has medication overuse headache. It’s still quite possible that this person has migraine–but please, don’t tell ME you have migraine unless you have seen a doctor who told you so! (so–rant over–I don’t scream. I try to nicely educate. After all, pain is pain, and the ignorance isn’t intentionally hurtful. But….rrrrrrrrrrrr.)

  • Mona R. Reed
    8 years ago

    I hear you, Kim. I feel exactly the same way. No over the counter meds can touch my migraines. My migraines just laugh at them!

  • Bonnie Northrop Mora
    8 years ago

    I get migrains, but only the visual problems. Thank God no pain!

  • Tracy Brennan Stoller
    8 years ago

    Unfortunately my four children and I all get migraines (and my husband occasionally gets the aura with only a minor headache). I would like to smack a certain relative who berates my children for “taking so much pain medication”. When she especially targeted my adult daughter because she also has an implanted medical pump for another disability, my daughter informed her that she lived with chronic pain so what was she supposed to do? On the other hand, I have to constantly remind myself that each of us has an entirely different experience with our migraines. Unfortunately, we all get weather-related migraines, so this spring has been a nightmare with the horrible storms in the midwest.

  • Anne Fink
    8 years ago

    I sometimes wish that everyone could experience a migraine just once so that they’d have some kind of a clue what it’s like. It’s not just a headache. It’s a whole set of other annoying and day-altering symptoms. I just wish others could know what it was like. You’re not alone in resenting “normal people”. We all do it from time to time. Not that we wish ill for others. Just that we all wish that we could have a day off here and there and not have to worry about migraine triggers. I loved this post.

  • Marisol Carter
    8 years ago

    I feel exactly the same! lady with the bottle of perfume in the elevator and all…you articulated my feelings to the “T” Best wishes fellow sufferer ♥.

  • Abigail Bristow
    8 years ago

    I do resent people and I have done my best to limit my complaining to only my dr and my husband and the precious few who I know can hanlde it ( ie if I am around people and they are getting loud and they know I have migaines I will say hey I have one can you keep it down and they do) otherwise lots of concealer and sunglasses. I take my topamax and keep mymouth and my black out curtains shut. I wish I could work it drives me crazy I often think if I could just get back to work maybe they would go away. maybe they wouldn’t bother me so much. but how would I be able to drive to get to work any better then than I can dive to the store now to get groceries or anythign else somedays are better than others yes but not always especially in this heat. still fighting the nausea trying to hold down enough h20 to stay hydrated in this heat is difficult especially here in oklahoma. I wish eveyone on here the best hopefuly soon we can all find something that works for us or a way to better cope with this its really no way to live. it’s like being trapped and we all suffer and our families suffer too and they really don’t deserve to. talk at you guys later <3 U <3 abby.

  • Anne-Marie Allen
    8 years ago

    There is not one post that I can’t agree with. I am grateful to know how many others feel and sometimes act as crazy as I do…this awful disease can really bring out the beast, which again reminds us how not “normal” we really are. Bless you all for your sharing and helping a fellow sufferer from not feeling so alone.

  • Mary Iampieri
    8 years ago

    I don’t know why that helps but it just does!

  • Cherri Johnson Milligan
    8 years ago

    I get so sick of people saying “do you have a migraine you look terrible” of course I do if you know me I always have one.

  • Lori Glasgow-Brininger
    8 years ago

    I TOTALLY agree…. sometimes it’s hard NOT to resent those that ‘haven’t got a clue’! I wouldn’t wish migraines on my worst enemy, but I’m still human! Of course I’m jealous sometimes; And resentful, frustrated, sad, angry… a whole lot of other things too! My migraines are mostly allergy-related & weather-related. I too, live in the midwest (NW Illinois) and since April, I feel as though the days with pain far outweigh the days without pain. And it’s just NOT FAIR! Also, PLEASE people, quit making suggestions to me about ‘what I should do’ or what ‘so & so does for their headaches’! It’s NOT a headache! It’s a MIGRAINE….. sometimes my head doesn’t even hurt, it’s all the other symptoms driving me out of my mind! I have a doctor and a neurologist, don’t you think we’re working on it? EVERY single one of us are different! We have different triggers or ‘sets of triggers’, so just STOP! I know you think you’re helping, but you’re NOT! You’re only frustrating me more…

  • Lori Glasgow-Brininger
    8 years ago

    OMG!! When I get a really bad one, I have the feeling that while my head is about to ‘implode’, my eyeball is actually going to ‘explode’!! Like the pressure is actually coming from within my eye!! I’m lucky to get 3 good days a week, and those days are what most people would call a ‘headache’ day! April, May and now most of June have been horrible for me this year and we’re back in a storm cycle again this week! 🙁

  • Dawn Robertson-Furchi
    8 years ago

    Southeast MI here too….and with all the weather changes…4 seasons in one day! and allergies, I suffer with migraines DAILY, I am soooooooo sick of it! And my top teeth hurt, my eyeball is going to explode!! I can’t stand this anymore! I have suffered long enough, I want to be normal :(((

  • Marilyn Holmes
    8 years ago

    Southeast Michigan here, & it has been a horrible season for exactly the reason you mention Lori .And, If you ever get them to STOP, please teach me to do it too.

  • Harriet Williams Berg
    8 years ago

    Yes, there are many times (and days) when I resent having these migraines and all the things they prevent me from doing, including having a job. And then, I remember that I have them fo a reason, and think of the things I CAN do and what God plans to do with them. It’s definitely NOT a fun life or the way I would choose to live. So, I keep struggling with them and working to prevent/stop them. I’m so much more productive on the days I feel well. But, maybe that’s not God’s plan. He looks at the inner part of all of us.

  • Karen Walker Hilton
    8 years ago

    I received a text this morning from a good friend who has been looking for a job. The text said, “I GOT JOB! WOOHOO!” I immediately went through a range of emotions ~ happy for her that her job search is over ~ and so unbelievably jealous of her because she CAN work and I can’t. I resent this illness so much on days like this ~ days that bring my reality smacking me in my face! Not that I live my life with my rose-colored glasses on! Most days I’m grateful…even with chronic migraine. I have much to be thankful for. But then there are days like this….when I’m reminded, once again, that I’m not normal…

  • Marilyn Holmes
    8 years ago

    And it’s hard not to snap @ those “normal” people who think they are making new or useful comments, like, “You should see a Dr. You get too many headaches.” Well duh! Do they think I just hang out & complain for their benefit? Or how about, “Why are you whining? Everybody gets headaches.”… True many “normal” people who have said things like this are truly compassionate. They just don’t “live it” like we do, so it’s hard for them to relate. It’s the ones who really don’t stop to think before speaking that drive me up the wall…

  • Carolyn Nelson Doherty
    8 years ago

    I get jealous too. I would just like to get my nails done! I leave my own fragrance free shampoo and conditioner at the salon so when I get my hair colored every7-8 weeks I don’t get bombarded with anything else.

  • Benice Shaw
    8 years ago

    I know exactly how you feel. I can’t get hairspray or anything with scent on my hair so going to get my hair done is a minefield. Yeah I have those days when I feel really resentful especially when other people notice and look at you weird when you are wearing sunglasses inside to avoid the florescent lighting. I know we all carry our own load, I just wish everyone remembered that when starting to judge.

  • Dawn Robertson-Furchi
    8 years ago

    I read your story and I feel the same way…I am so envious of those who have never experienced migraines. When I read your paragraph about what will set them off…the perfume, the drinking of diet coke by mistake, I was like “Yes, it’s not just me” I made my husband read it too and was like…see, and people think I am crazy. This stuff is so true, it’s facts, and it sucks. I have the same bouts of negativity daily, especially when I see my husband, friends, & family enjoying a nice cocktail or two and I know if I were to indulge even with one or two, I will pay the price with a vicious migraine.

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