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If my migraine could speak

If My Migraine Could Speak

If my migraine could speak…
…it would tell you all the silly things I have done.

My migraine must have a sense of humor because it makes me do ridiculous things. And I laugh at myself as it helps me make light of a painful situation. Here are a few scenarios told by my migraine:

You can’t have too much of a good thing, right?
I watched Lisa escape to the store one day despite the brain haze I was causing her. I couldn’t help but mess with her shopping list, and she brought home a huge pack of toilet paper rolls. She had just bought the same pack the week before, but of course she didn’t remember with me around!

Migraine Bonus? She didn’t have to buy toilet paper for six more months!

NYC trendsetter or complete fashion geek?
I’m no fashion police, but really who needs to wear earplugs and noise-canceling headphones? And why wear sunglasses at nighttime in the middle of downtown Manhattan like she was Jackie Onassis trying to escape the paparazzi? Oh, right, that’s my fault. But no matter. Nothing beats the time she wore an ice pack while driving through the city!

Migraine Bonus? Who doesn’t like to set new fashion trends? Or be mistaken for a celebrity? Plus, she got serenaded a few times by random strangers singing, I wear sunglasses at night…

Circles are the new straight lines?
Even I got a little dizzy as she walked around and around a familiar neighborhood. I kept throwing her off by making her not recognize landmarks. Good thing for her GPS or we would have never made it home!

Migraine Bonus? It turned what should have been a 5 minute walk into a 20 minute cardio workout!

Poetry from pain brain?
I sometimes like to be a migraine-quake and shake Lisa’s words around like magnetic poetry. I’ve stopped her mid-sentence to recall a word such as “syllabus” or “beetle.” Little did she know that I hid them on her! But the funniest is when I come up with a new word. I believe the most successful was when I heard her say “it’s alarm-ing” about her alarm clock going off.

Migraine Bonus? Future Poet Laureate of course!

I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane? If only!
I like to travel and sometimes I mix it up a bit. One such occasion was when she went to visit her grandma by train. I led her to the wrong train and the wrong stop. We eventually got to her grandma’s place anyway, so no harm done, right? Another time I made her forget to buy a train ticket. Oops! It’s hard to mess with her anymore though. Now she asks a family member to book her tickets if my migraine party is taking up too much brain space. Oh well!

Migraine Bonus? Lisa can never say I didn’t take her anywhere!

I could go on for hours, like the time Lisa burnt the carpet (don’t migraine and cook, folks!), or the time she forgot if she had taken her preventive medicine (two pills are not better than one!). But now I want to hear from you! If your migraine could speak, what stories would it tell?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Stacy
    3 years ago

    I made her forget how to give change. Count back .11? Heck no. We’re going to make her look like an idiot instead and have to go home from work. She tried to fight me but I got to go to bed early AND make her feel dumb.

  • Macbeck
    3 years ago

    My human just doesn’t appreciate the fact that I’m not so into pain – not since she started getting Botox injections. So I started hitting her vestibular (balance) and optical centers – Wheeeeee!!! I think vertigo spins are fun, and I’ve taken her every possible direction. I really like to sneak into her optical center so her eyes don’t focus at the same distance, so it’s pretty hard for her to drive.

    Migraine bonus: Takes a long time to empty the gas-tank since she was forced to stop working!

  • Joanna Bodner moderator
    3 years ago

    Macebeck, I hate to chuckle at this, but this was amusingly so well written! Wishing the voice of your Migraine was not so vocal!!! Thanks for sharing! Joanna ( Team)

  • Karen Suitor
    4 years ago

    My human Karen thinks I`m bossy…and mean spirited too! But I say she should stop her whining. Granted I do cause her intense daily pain and make her life more of a challenge, but besides that I`ve heard a lot of people pay good money for drugs that give them the same experiences I provide her – the distorted sights, sounds, smells, thoughts, speech, grogginess. And she loves a good mystery. Well, I`ve provided her with lots of mysteries, like the times she`s wondered `how did I get here` and `are my eyeballs really spinning around the way they feel like they`re spinning` when I give here a good attack of the dizzies. Really, some people just don`t know how to show appreciation!

  • Megapain
    4 years ago

    Let me introduce you to an annoyance of mine, major pain migraine.: hello so lets get down to business. My favorite time i wreck havoc was when i made my humans brain hurt with intense pain for a week, ha! Nothing she did made me stop. Then she went to urgent care and the doc gave her a shot. I stayed one more day but the drug was too powerful, it blocked my ability to painfully annoy my human. But i have been back now and then. Like one time my human was trying to say spaghetti and all she could say was “mma-mm-mm-then she gave up trying to talk haha! I had been messing with her all morning she couldnt talk by lunch. It was a new trick a new symptom i threw our there. It worked so good, i might use it again. This is major pain migraine, peace out!- or not lol as the humans say

  • Maureen
    4 years ago

    My migraine would tell about the sneak attack it pulled last week… “She was feeling well enough to shop with her mom and sisters, but after a while, I got a little antsy, and she knew it. But she pushed on, ever the trooper. She knew her brain was shutting down and thought some food would help, so she went over to the coffee shop. She was suprised to see they sold gelato and was admiring the display… wait, olive and pimento. Who would order olive and pimento gelato. Weird. She thought that was pretty funny. Hahaha. But the joke was on her; that was cream cheese! Now that is hilarious!”
    Oh migraine. I wish you’d quit it with the dumb jokes.

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator author
    4 years ago

    Wow Maureen–thanks for sharing! It’s amazing how much I can relate to that experience. I am sure glad those aren’t gelato flavors!

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