30 Dirty Little Secrets About My Life with Migraine

I’ve done the "30 Things" meme several years in a row, so this year I’m changing things up. I won’t be following the traditional question format. Instead, I’d like to air a little “dirty migraine laundry." I realize that by opening up, I'm putting a target on my back, inviting criticism of my personal weaknesses. I am choosing to do this so that each of you will take it easy on yourselves when you fail to do it all just right. None of us are perfect. We forget, make mistakes, and have days when we simply don't care.

It's okay to be human!

  1. Migraine is part of my identity and I don't plan to change that.
  2. Even though Botox is working, I still get migraine attacks every week.
  3. A few times a year I get intractable migraine attacks that make me question my commitment to avoid the ER.
  4. Even after all these years, sometimes I don’t see an attack coming until it’s too late.
  5. During a bad round of attacks, I can go days without speaking to anyone.
  6. My toolkit is big enough to fill a large suitcase.
  7. Yet the only thing that really works consistently is Amerge.
  8. Sometimes I forget to take my daily medicines and supplements.
  9. Occasionally I delay taking abortive medicine even though I know I shouldn’t.
  10. When my TheraPearl ice pack broke, I emptied the contents into Ziploc bags and tossed the broken plastic cover.
  11. Sometimes the best relief comes from tying a scarf around my head as tightly as I can get it.
  12. I really struggle with adequate and consistent sleep.
  13. I’m hooked on Pepsi for life.
  14. Sometimes I eat chocolate when I’m nauseated because I know it won’t taste bad coming back up.
  15. I was relieved to learn that food triggers were not as strong as I thought they were.
  16. From time to time, I get depressed, have pity parties, and take out my frustrations on those I love.
  17. Unfair as it is, sometimes I expect my family to know when I’m having a migraine attack even if I don’t tell them.
  18. It makes me angry that loved ones still don’t keep their voices down when I’m having an attack.
  19. Although outwardly supportive, I’m convinced that certain family members think I’m faking or exaggerating symptoms.
  20. Sometimes I get frustrated when loved ones have migraine attacks that ruin my plans.
  21. Sometimes I worry that all my talk about migraine irritates people.
  22. Even around other people with migraine, I instinctively hide my own symptoms.
  23. After all these years, I still “sneak” my abortives in public as though they were something to be ashamed of.
  24. I still hesitate to ask other people to make accommodations for my triggers because I don’t want to inconvenience them.
  25. Even though I know we’re all on the same side, there are some advocates I just don’t like.
  26. I am jealous of and resent people with less stigmatized diseases.
  27. The phrase, “You don’t really have a migraine if…” pisses me off.
  28. Some days I want to chuck it all and take my chances with just Excedrin.
  29. Sometimes I take unnecessary risks just so I can feel “normal” for a day.
  30. I am secretly terrified that one day my currently successful treatment might fail and everything will come crashing down.

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