Chronic Migraine’s Guilt

I moderate on Migraine.com as well as create these articles. Guilt over my chronic migraine is something that I have struggled with for so many years. There are definitely times when it overwhelms me so much more than other times. Although here lately during my moderation, so many individuals have mentioned their own feelings of guilt due to their chronic migraines.

Guilt defined

Guilt is definitely a strong feeling and one of those feelings that can weigh on us in many different ways. There is a very important addition to the basic definition of guilt in the dictionary. The definition starts by explaining that guilt is a feeling of remorse or responsibility from some kind of wrong or offense. Although it does not stop with that portion of the definition, it continues forward to explain that this wrong or offense could be real or imagined.

Chronic migraine guilt

I truly believe we fall into the category of people who feel guilty for an imagined offense. We did not ask to have these debilitating migraines and we did not go out in life and do something that gave us chronic migraines as a punishment for some wrongdoing on our part. Many of us do not even have a specific reason as to why we have these migraines because doctors are completely unable to figure out what is causing the chronic migraines.

Unavoidable impact on social life

I know one reason we feel guilt is because of the events that we occasionally have to miss. This is something we all take hard and personally. I have learned that I basically do not commit myself to attend functions. My husband and I will say that we will try to be there whenever the family plans a function. He also is a master at parking the car in a way that we do not get blocked in by other cars. This allows us to leave at anytime that I need to leave, regardless of what is going on. This helps because we do not have to go around asking whose car is the x because we need it moved. This took me a long time to get to this point but I realized I needed to do what is best for me. Trying to please everyone else added too much negative effects on my health. You have to take care of yourself above everything else.

Others feeling guilt

This guilt is not something that only people with health conditions feel. Even if we do not notice it, others in our lives may feel guilty that we are the ones who are battling the health conditions. Some of our loved ones feel guilty that we have the migraines and they do not bear some of that burden. Another major reason that others feel guilty is because they cannot fix us, especially when we are at our worse with an extremely bad migraine that will not go away.

I really hope this helps at least some of you who are dealing with all of this guilt that seems to be going around. Remember to focus on your health.

Do you struggle with guilt? Did this article help you any? How do you try to manage your guilt?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (7)
  • 27r2vsk
    5 months ago

    I think there’s the guilt over not being able to do things, but also guilt over what’s causing them…like oh did you drink something or eat something you shouldn’t have? I hate that question. Sometimes you just get them it doesn’t have to be something I did to trigger it.

  • Holly Baddour moderator
    5 months ago

    So true. There are multiple triggers that are out of our control (weather, hormones, moon cycle, etc). We can live in the most confined and careful manner and still they attacks will show themselves.

    And finally, even if we did live within every confine of all the triggers we CAN control (avoiding every food and drink trigger, all potentially bright locations, noisy places, always getting enough sleep, somehow attaining a total stress free life) all while managing a complex neurological disease–in a quiet, dark room, without any interaction with the outside world, what kind of life would that be?

    Releasing guilt in an attempt to embrace acceptance that we’re doing the best we can is a good goal for all of us. Glad you’re a part of our community! Stay in touch.

  • pennych
    6 months ago

    ”You have to take care of yourself above everything else” i totally agree with this comment however whenever i do this, the comments i get from others is that i should be working more or doing more and then get labelled as lazy or selfish.

  • Amanda Workman moderator author
    5 months ago

    I know those comments can be hard to ignore but after awhile, they will eventually stop. Sometimes you just have to inform people when they say things like that about why you cannot do whatever it is. A lot of people need to be educated on chronic migraines and how disabilating they can be. Stay strong and do what you need to do for your health.
    Amanda Workman (moderator and author)

  • jshullih
    6 months ago

    Wow! I thought I was the only one that did the parking thing. The guilt is unbearable some times. My granddaughters, 8 and 6, invite me to do things with them, but they always add, “If you don’t have a headache”. Sometimes i can’t stand the look in their eyes when they ask me if they need to get my “special medicine” (imitrex).

  • Amanda Workman moderator author
    5 months ago

    I used to push myself beyond my limits trying to please everyone and all it did was hurt me. Again, it sounds like your family needs to be educated. Kind of a reversed intervention. I flat got ugly with my family with my husbands assistance. You definitely shouldn’t be judged when you cannot control your migraines. I’m sorry they are not understanding or supporting. Sending you lots of love and strength
    Amanda Workman (moderator and author)

  • Joanne
    6 months ago

    I have been feeling because I am told this almost every Sunday, that I just need to ask God to heal me. I have to believe it for it to happen. I have been asking Goid to heal me since I was in elementary school. While I am better, mostly due to medication, I am not healed. I have asked am I doing something wrong???? I get either the same answer or ” not everyone gets a miracle”. Those closest to me understand. However, I still feel somehow, I need to explain it to others

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