Dear Migraine, It’s Not You, It’s Me…

Dear migraine,

We need to talk. You might want to sit down.

We’ve been together for about twenty years now. You’ve been a faithful companion for as long as I can remember, but I’m sorry to say that it’s just not working out. I think I knew this from the start. You’d come around infrequently enough at first, but I never really enjoyed your company. You’ve always been obnoxious and I didn’t know how to get rid of you, so I learned how to live with you.

But really, it’s not you, it’s me. You’re always by my side and looking out for me, so I can’t complain too much. You let me know when I do something I shouldn’t have, like not get enough sleep or eat food with nitrates. Because of you I eat well, take my vitamins, and exercise. So maybe you do have my best interests in mind, but you sure have a funny way of showing it. So I’m just feeling like I need to go it alone now. I’ve learned everything you wanted to teach me. I’ve even shared this knowledge with other people. You’ve helped me grow, develop strength and empathy, and for that I thank you. So, it’s not you, it’s me. I think it’s time we part ways.

Really, you can go now.

I want to do so many things that I can’t with this baggage of our relationship clinging onto me. I want to travel, go away for long stretches of time without worrying if I have enough medication, or heck just go to the store without you with me. Even when you’re not around I worry about when you’ll show up. Like the time you came to visit all of a sudden when I was giving that presentation at work. Seriously? Couldn’t it have waited until after I was done? How about when you showed up in my car while I was driving? I had to pull over to deal with you! So inconsiderate!

Ok, maybe it isn’t me. It’s you, migraine. It’s you.

You have no respect for my boundaries, for what I want to do, for my life goals and plans. You think it’s all about you. You want all the attention, you take all the time and money I could be spending elsewhere. You cause me so much pain and I wish you knew that you did it. It doesn’t make any sense. I do appreciate what you’ve taught me, but I’m moving on. I want to break up. Goodbye. Good riddance. Go!

I don’t care what it takes.

You can have the money, the car, the house. Even the dog! All of it. I’ll just start over from scratch. Seriously, what will it take to get you to go away? I am done bargaining. Done fighting. Done, done, done. Whatever you want, take it and leave. I don’t care anymore.

Just leave me be, migraine.

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10 comments on “Dear Migraine, It’s Not You, It’s Me…

  1. wappaw says:

    I just reconnected with my Headache Specialist after 7 years. He is confident that he can help me out with my chronic migraines. I just hate reading all of the “possible” side-effects of the preventative medicines, similar to the text scrolling in the article, but I sure as hell can hardly tolerate the migraines, as the article details. Dr. has indicated that there are new migraine meds coming out this year. Looking forward to trying to make the split.

  2. wappaw says:

    I told my doctor that I thought over 40 years of migraines was enough. I recently retired and was hoping for a decrease in frequency, no luck. I just can’t imagine having to live this way in my remaining years…

  3. Ronan says:

    I LOVE this! Thank you, Lisa. Couldn’t have put it any better. Migraine disease has taught me how to take better care of myself. But since I learned that lesson, doesn’t it think its done its job and can now leave me alone?

    Now migraines want to remind me that they are still around. I rarely get the big ones anymore. Just the little ones, with that little bit of pain. Meanwhile, the rest of my body is having a fit. I would love to have a complete breakup with the disease.

  4. DrCHAUDOT says:

    Lisa, it’s much better to get rid of migraine than to try to live with your “dear migraine…”
    I explain how to do in “BYE BYE MIGRAINE” which is a french book. (sorry i’m a french doctor… ) You can also watch a short YouTube video (Bye bye migraine, l’hyperventilation). There is also a study: “Evaluation d’une technique d’hyperventilation contrôlée dans le traitement de la migraine de l’adulte”. All this is in french…
    My English is too poor to explain the mechanism of migraine. Try to find a translator….

  5. Lisa, I want to compliment you on the clever way that you described living with chronic migraine. I too have talked to, scolded, and threatened my migraine disease. Go away, you are not going to ruin this event for me, I hate you, you have got to be kidding me, why are you doing this to me – are some of the phrases that I have repeated over and over the past 25 years. At times, I have sobbed, become extremely depressed, and felt helpless and desperate, In spite of all of that, it refuses to go away. I guess that I am proud of the fact that I have survived such a toxic and abusive relationship for so long. If nothing else, we are all strong and resilient! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

  6. John1381 says:

    Endless Search,

    You should be proud that you keep going, as should all the community on here.

    Amanda, thanks for comment. It’s my dog and wife that keep me going although it’s an awfully hard disease for a partner to have to live with.



  7. John1381 says:

    My pleasure Endless,

    I wish you well.


  8. John1381 says:

    I can relate to your article and I am very sorry you are having such a rough time. I have screamed and shouted at my chronic migraine, resorted to punching myself in the face (not the smartest of moves) and sobbed uncontrollably. I dare hardly go out, but somehow we keep going.

    Your articles are very helpful, as are your collogues, thanks for writing them.

    Keep going,


  9. Amanda Workman moderator says:

    john1381 –
    I think we all reach that OMG point sometimes. Just please, next time punch a pillow not yourself. Our conditions are so frustrating and the chronic pain can cause so many emotions to process through our bodies. You most definitely do deserve to keep going and I hope you always find it in you to continue to fight. I know I fight for my husband and my little fur babies (yes I am sure that sounds funny)! We are so glad our article are helpful to you, that is exactly why we write them!! Sending you some gentle hugs.
    Amanda Workman ( Moderator & Contributor)

  10. Hi John, Thanks for the encourage. I am so sorry that you and your wife have to deal with your disability. I know exactly what you are talking about. It is hard enough to live and breathe this disease but I become even sadder when I hear that others are suffering as much, if not more than myself. I too have two dogs who are the loves of my life and they are the one bright spot in my day. I wish you only the best John and again, thanks for the note.

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