There is a challenge within in household when one party is chronic and one party is episodic. I know for most of you, the idea of having a spouse who is episodic while you are chronic seems like an amazing idea, but it’s not all it is cracked up to be all of the time. At times it can be very helpful, such as when I am in a ton of pain and he can see that I need to lay down. But it can also be a disadvantage because he is so used to me being in pain so much more than he is that sometimes he can be become desensitized to just how bad it really can be for me some days.
Guilt over missing weekend outings
I feel bad on the weekends because he wants to go out all of the time and wants to get out of the house. This is understandable because he has worked long hours all week and does not want to feel cooped up at home all weekend like he does at work. This gets hard for me because my chronic migraines are by no means controlled and I also have other pain conditions such as fibromyalgia. I do not want to make him feel like he is trapped in the house with me or stuck going out to do things alone, but when my pain is off the charts I am just not physically able to pretend and go with him for his various outings. Unfortunately, it is very obvious when he is upset about me not wanting to go out with him. This of course definitely makes me feel upset because I feel like I am letting him down.
Splitting up house work
This is an area of a huge struggle for us. I have joked with some friends that I really do believe men are blind to the sink full of dishes, the laundry baskets of dirty or even clean laundry, and even the fact that the dogs need to be fed and watered. At times I find this beyond aggravating because I feel as though he should take this into consideration, especially when I am completely miserable. But unless I ask, he generally does not do it and if I do ask, he pretty much pouts while doing whatever I asked him to do. While I do not work right now and that should mean that I should have more time to get all of the household and chores done. Something that used to be so easy is now so difficult due to my pain levels from the chronic migraine and fibromyalgia.
Ultimately, to manage these kinds of issues within the household, both partners need to be able to talk all of the issues at hand and hopefully be able to come to some type of agreement to meet in the middle that works for both parties.