If There Were a Fantasy Migraine Shop, I Would Buy…
If there were a fantasy migraine shop it would have low lighting, no perfumes and no music. The cashiers wouldn’t ask you how you are feeling—they already know it’s not good. There would be no wait, no stress, and no crowds. The temperature would be just right, not too hot and not too cold. You could shop in peace.
Ok, now that we’ve established the correct atmosphere, I’m more in the mood for shopping. What would I buy? I’d buy…
I don’t play Pokémon Go but I’d want to “catch them all”: the co-worker saying his wife has a “headache” because she was stressing herself out (like it’s her fault!), the doctor who says the patient is exaggerating, the TV show character who uses migraine as an excuse to get out of something (if only). I would erase all patient-blaming, miracle “cures” and misconceptions that migraine is anything but debilitating.
Pocket Medical Dream Team
First I’d purchase a headache specialist who really knows her science and takes the time to listen—she even laughs at your migraine humor. She would prescribe treatments that actually help with zero side effects. There would be also chiropractors, acupuncturists, nutritionists—whoever is needed to help. Oh, and there’d definitely be a massage therapist. And no wait times, ever! But the best part? The whole team fits in your pocket!
Trigger Identifier Ring
No longer do you need to keep tedious headache diaries. This inconspicuous silver ring available in multiple styles would vibrate whenever you encounter a trigger. Now you know not to eat that grilled cheese sandwich or drink that glass of wine. Were you going to spend five hours on the computer, forgetting to blink and hunching your shoulders? You know what, that’s ok, your handy-dandy device tells you that, actually, this only leads to an attack if you also stayed up too late last night. For once, fear and confusion become clarity, and you know what to avoid and what’s okay.
Attack Alert App
Do you spend the better part of the day many days wondering, is this going to be one of those days? Should you just take the abortive and get it over with? With Attack Alert App you’ll know when it’s time to throw in the towel and pick up the pillow. No ambiguity anymore while the migraine brews and gets stronger—yes that headache is the start of a three-day ordeal, take your meds now. Problem solved (well, maybe).
It would come in a little bottle like the perfume that is constantly taunting us. This is our chance to get the perfume-wearers and anyone lacking compassion, back! A little spritz in their direction and “poof!” They finally get it! That boss says, “Go ahead, take the rest of the day off, I didn’t realize you felt so bad.” Your spouse cooks you dinner, and even the mailman stops to ask if you’re ok! Um… maybe I used a little too much, now the squirrels in the yard are staring at me, concerned.
Now I want to know, what would you buy in the fantasy migraine shop? Or have you been able to accomplish any of the above without a super magical device?