If There Were a Fantasy Migraine Shop, I Would Buy…

If There Were a Fantasy Migraine Shop, I Would Buy…

If there were a fantasy migraine shop it would have low lighting, no perfumes and no music. The cashiers wouldn’t ask you how you are feeling—they already know it’s not good. There would be no wait, no stress, and no crowds. The temperature would be just right, not too hot and not too cold. You could shop in peace.

Ok, now that we’ve established the correct atmosphere, I’m more in the mood for shopping. What would I buy? I’d buy…

Stigma Eraser

I don’t play Pokémon Go but I’d want to “catch them all”: the co-worker saying his wife has a “headache” because she was stressing herself out (like it’s her fault!), the doctor who says the patient is exaggerating, the TV show character who uses migraine as an excuse to get out of something (if only). I would erase all patient-blaming, miracle “cures” and misconceptions that migraine is anything but debilitating.

Pocket Medical Dream Team

First I’d purchase a headache specialist who really knows her science and takes the time to listen—she even laughs at your migraine humor. She would prescribe treatments that actually help with zero side effects. There would be also chiropractors, acupuncturists, nutritionists—whoever is needed to help. Oh, and there’d definitely be a massage therapist. And no wait times, ever! But the best part? The whole team fits in your pocket!

Trigger Identifier Ring

No longer do you need to keep tedious headache diaries. This inconspicuous silver ring available in multiple styles would vibrate whenever you encounter a trigger. Now you know not to eat that grilled cheese sandwich or drink that glass of wine. Were you going to spend five hours on the computer, forgetting to blink and hunching your shoulders? You know what, that’s ok, your handy-dandy device tells you that, actually, this only leads to an attack if you also stayed up too late last night. For once, fear and confusion become clarity, and you know what to avoid and what’s okay.

Attack Alert App

Do you spend the better part of the day many days wondering, is this going to be one of those days? Should you just take the abortive and get it over with? With Attack Alert App you’ll know when it’s time to throw in the towel and pick up the pillow. No ambiguity anymore while the migraine brews and gets stronger—yes that headache is the start of a three-day ordeal, take your meds now. Problem solved (well, maybe).

Compassion Mist

It would come in a little bottle like the perfume that is constantly taunting us. This is our chance to get the perfume-wearers and anyone lacking compassion, back! A little spritz in their direction and “poof!” They finally get it! That boss says, “Go ahead, take the rest of the day off, I didn’t realize you felt so bad.” Your spouse cooks you dinner, and even the mailman stops to ask if you’re ok! Um… maybe I used a little too much, now the squirrels in the yard are staring at me, concerned.

Now I want to know, what would you buy in the fantasy migraine shop? Or have you been able to accomplish any of the above without a super magical device?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (14)
  • David
    2 years ago

    Fortunately, I discovered a simple way to avoid migraines with aura–it was a fantasy for almost every patient I have until they try it. I haven’t had a migraine since 1992.
    I tried to take the migraine survey but I’ve never been diagnosed. Hah! When you have migraines with aura like my father did, you don’t need a professional diagnosis. What are they thinking.

    I will be marketing my technique later this year or early 2018 and charging the minimum I can, so anyone can have it and never have a migraine again. No medication, herbs, massages (except for enjoyment), etc. The joy of migraine with auras is you have a 15-30 minute time span between the aura’s beginning until the pain. That’s when you do the technique.

    I hope I live long enough to share this technique. It’s been wonderful. Every time I have an attack beginning, I’m so glad I fell on this technique. I never have to worry about a migraine, so vacations aren’t interrupted, family time isn’t (except for the 30 minutes I use the technique), etc. Love it and I hope millions get the technique.

    Dave, migraine with aura non-sufferer

  • JodiAnn
    2 years ago

    Great article! It is great to be able to take a humorous approach to our suffering! I especially the medical team in my pocket – definitely want one of those!

    I would also like a great big box of my self esteem back after getting fired and not being able to work for the last year, and a coffee flavored (with cream and sugar) instant no anxiety or depression drink that I could have first thing every morning, because as soon as I realize I am awake that’s the first thing I feel.

  • nrsrcht
    2 years ago

    I would have a less than kind app which would give a migraine to whomever made the desisions at the insurance company regarding the number of doses allowed in a month, the cost of the medication and the migraine would only abate when they came to their senses!

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator author
    2 years ago

    Ha! Thanks for sharing this, Nrsrcht, it gave me a laugh!
    Lisa

  • voiceofjoyce
    2 years ago

    Thanks you, Lisa.
    You covered all the basics beautifully and with a wonderful sense of humor and grace (theres’ that migraine humor people cock their head sideways and say, “Huh? about)… 😉

    In my shop, I would also have cats to pet and Feverfew tea w/ honey and avocado sandwiches on delicious coconut-flour bread to serve. Also, ergonomic massage chairs to sit in while we share our joys and heartaches…

    And while you’re spraying compassionate mist on others, remember to spray some on yourself as well.

    I love that this essay sparked more than “what would be in my shop” to “what gives me relief.” I will add that for me it brought into my heart all the things and people who I am deeply grateful for.

    Chronic Migraine sucks, but remembering we are not alone is a great comfort, and with a lot of work and perseverance we can surround ourselves with a wonderful team. It doesn’t have to completely be a fantasy.

    Thanks again for sharing.

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator author
    2 years ago

    Voice of Joyce,

    Thanks for sharing your fantasies as well. I want that sandwich, yum!

    You also said, “with a lot of work and perseverance we can surround ourselves with a wonderful team. It doesn’t have to completely be a fantasy.” And I couldn’t agree with you more.

    Be well,
    Lisa

  • Not-Again
    2 years ago

    I would buy a spare head, with good hair – of course!, so I could just swap out my migraine head for a non-migraine head.

    Thank you for writing that – it was nice to take a break….a much needed break!

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator author
    2 years ago

    Not-Again, I totally hear you! Even on the good hair part! 🙂
    -Lisa

  • Mrs.Doyle
    2 years ago

    This was so wonderful! I was able to shift my thinking from ‘What if this never ends?’ to ‘What DO I want to feel soothed and supported?’ and that led to useful answers 🙂 I know that wasn’t necessarily the point of this great essay, but it turned into a little ‘what if…’ exercise for me that I needed at this moment. Thanks! <3

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator author
    2 years ago

    Wonderful!
    -Lisa

  • GardensatNight
    2 years ago

    That was awesome.

    My fantasy shop would have all natural lighting (on a gentle cloudy day) so I could go to a store again. None of those satanic scented pinecones. No cell phone screens allowed to flash me with.

    And word on TV characters using migraine as an excuse to get out of things. Was so annoyed when a book I was otherwise enjoying pulled that stunt the other day, and realized how often that’s given as the default reason for female characters, reinforcing the idea that “I have a migraine” is something sneaky women like to make up to get out of doing things. Grrr

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator author
    2 years ago

    UsedtoGarden,

    Thanks for sharing! That’s frustrating to hear about that book. Grr is right.

    -Lisa

  • Lori
    2 years ago

    Ohhhhh…… such a wonderful fantasy. Wish I could shop there, too.

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator author
    2 years ago

    Hi Lori,

    Thanks for your comment. Maybe some day! 🙂

    Lisa

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