A woman sitting on the edge of the bed resting her head on her hand sits in the foreground while a distressed man lays in bed in the background

Intimacy and Migraine

If you are suffering from migraine, intimacy is not something that springs to the front of your thoughts.

I thoroughly enjoy times when my wife and I have time for connecting on an intimate level. It’s a time when we can just relax and focus on ourselves and being together in a quiet atmosphere. The worries and pressures of life are held at bay for a while. No work, kids, dishes, laundry, etc...just us.

Migraine, however, has a way of destroying that time, and it makes a coveted time vanish like the morning mist.

I miss the life that migraine stole

Before migraine we used to have date nights. We used to do little getaways so that we could reconnect after making it through life’s hurdles. Migraine has a way of changing things. Things I used to take for granted have become fleeting moments thanks to migraine.

My wife is very understanding, to say the least, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about our lost time. As a chronic, intractable migraineur I’ve had to come to terms with so many things. I mourn the different areas of my life that migraine has all but removed permanently.

Sex and migraine

I’ve read that for some people sex is a trigger and for others it provides relief. My wife and I have tested this and have found for me at least that there is no effect either positive or negative.

While I am relieved that intimacy does not make migraine symptoms worse I can also say I’m not usually in the right frame of mind when an attack is kicking my butt! As much as the thought of possible intimacy is enticing to me, more often than not, migraine prevails. It is so far from how it used to be before I became chronic. I love my wife dearly, but both of us can’t help but acknowledge what migraine has stolen from us.

This is not easy to talk about

As a man, it’s hard to even talk about intimacy. Now combine that talk with how are we going to move forward intimately. It makes me feel inadequate and inattentive. My wife of 29 years is super supportive and non-judgmental. She has also suffered with migraine in the past so she gets it.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t make things easier for me. It should but it doesn’t.

Seizing moments when they come

I will say that the times we now have together are more cherished. It’s hard enough to find time to be with each other in the crazy lives we live, but it’s just so much more difficult with migraine.

Looking on the brighter side of things spontaneity has made a come back in our lives. We wait patiently for the stars and planets to align. We wait for the times that migraine pain and symptoms are low. We choose to have hope, and mostly we choose to not let migraine let the sun go down in that area of our relationship.

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