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Mindfulness is Not Scary, I Promise

Mindfulness Is Not Scary, I Promise

When I tell people that one of my best tools for combatting anxiety and stress is meditation, I tend to get one of two answers:

  1. “Oh, I love to meditate! It has changed my life!
  2. “Oh, I can’t do that. My mind is always busy. I could never just ‘clear my mind.”

Guess what, those of you who identify with answer #2? First of all, I used that same line for years. Second of all, I said that when I hadn’t actually tried mindfulness meditation and realized that no one is asking you to clear your mind!

Various types of meditation

There are lots of types of meditations. I have dabbled in guided meditations and affirmations (especially ones that are geared toward people with chronic pain), and I’ve even dipped my toes into the transcendental meditation waters. (Hot tip: from my very basic research, I’ve gathered that it takes a lot of money to be “officially” trained in transcendental meditation, but you can at least get some of its effects through self-teaching.)

The type of meditation that has been the most helpful and the most easily accessible is mindfulness meditation. In mindfulness practice, the meditator is continually encouraged to exercise self-compassion, to not be harsh or judgmental with oneself. You don’t need to clear your mind. Instead, you are prompted to notice what the mind is doing and to redirect your attention to something very steady and basic, like your breath.

Pushing aside fears of “failing mindfulness”

Before I started this round of mindfulness (I have fallen in and out of practice a few times over the last ten years), I felt those same old fears return. I can never find time to do this. I am just too busy. Ten to fifteen minutes a day? I also felt concerned about my level of “success,” which isn’t actually a thing in mindfulness meditation.

What I learned the first time I really became a practitioner and again in recent months as I’ve rededicated myself to the practice is this: every single meditation session will be different from the last. Sometimes I am antsy and itching for it to end. The ten-minute guided session seems like eternity, and my eyes pop open and roam around the room in utter impatience. Other times, I really get into the zone and I feel blissed out, completely calm and centered (those days are rare, but they happen).

Becoming kinder to oneself

Here’s something huge for me: I have noticed that I am kinder to myself and that situations that ordinarily set my adrenaline rushing through my veins are instead just mildly frustrating. Over the years, I inadvertently became an impatient conversationalist, especially during very busy times at work when I was “supposed” to be doing another task. My husband also bore the brunt of my fidgety impatience, and instead of sitting and truly being present with him during sensitive conversations, I could feel my hands looking for a task to perform. Maybe while he’s talking to me about this serious issue I could at least make the best of it and load the dishwasher or something.

Pro tip: if you’re fidgeting and totally distracted when talking with someone, you’re not really in a meaningful conversation.

Being truly present with others

Practicing mindfulness almost daily has significantly improved my ability to be truly present with others and my tendency to be kinder to myself. I have done it enough weeks in a row that I feel a little off-kilter if I skip a day, which is a sign to me that it’s an important part of my self-care routine. Bonus: if you can reduce anxiety and stress and worry about the future, you will likely help your migraine-related health. No joke.

Thank goodness for twenty-first-century tools: I don’t have the funds at the moment to enroll in another mindfulness class here in Athens, Georgia, but I do have a smartphone and have found two apps in particular that have really been effective for me. Want to learn more? Click here to read my reviews of two complementary (not necessarily competing!) mindfulness apps, CALM and HEADSPACE.

Are you someone who knows that meditation would help but you’re still hesitant to try? What’s holding you back? 

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • mrst53
    2 years ago

    I use meditation when I have a migraine or when I am in a lot of pain. Sometimes It works, sometimes not.

  • Joleen1966
    2 years ago

    Thank you for this article. I will definitely give meditation a try. Once I check the apps you mentioned I found there are lots of them! There is one that has soothing “noise” and you can set a timer. That sounds like it would work for me. I do have a high stress career (9-1-1 call taker and police, fire, rescue dispatcher) so unwinding after a busy shift is tough.

  • migrainestl
    2 years ago

    Your headline interested me. I read this blog few & in between these days, but I have been curious about meditation & mindfulness. Thank you. You’re writing makes me more curious & more confident I could actually do it. I never knew meditation wasn’t about clearing your mind. I’ve come to learn it helps retrain your brain to relax when in stressful situations. As a mom with two littles I need this regardless of my migraines, but definitely BECAUSE of my migraines!! Thxagain

  • Joanna Bodner moderator
    2 years ago

    It is so wonderful this article has provided you with the encouragement to give it a go! Mindfulness has certainly helped many, so we would love to hear how things go for you should you decide to incorporate it! Will you keep us posted if you can? Always feel free as well to share your personal migraine journey and story with us here – We especially always love to read as new treatments, techniques or therapies are incorporated into our member’s regimens. Good luck! 🙂

  • Ronan
    2 years ago

    I focus on my breath. Breathing normally and consciously inhale and exhale. I mentally say “inhale” on the inhale and “exhale” on the exhale. Only type of meditation I do during a Migraine.

    I know the importance of mindfulness and do it often. But I don’t mind dissociating a bit when I’m in the middle of an attack.

  • Tamara
    2 years ago

    How do you keep all the sessions different? And account for outside noises and such. I live with my retired mom who loves TV and watches many hours. Even with the volume down and door closed (on a different floor) it really distracts me. Also having two noisy cats running around doesn’t help and I can’t just tell them to shut up, they are playing or wondering why the door is closed.

    I found some amazing guided imagery ones I like but there is only 5-6 and they are long ones – 18-29 minutes, haven’t been able (ok ok I really haven’t spent the time to look) that I like. I do yin and restorative yoga classes 3-4 times a week so I get a lot that way since the entire class is pretty much a meditate.

    Since my anixety has gone sky high lately I even find it extremely hard to settle and meditate during the yoga classes which use to be very easy. And if I try any at home I fail miserably which of course increases the heart rate, frustrated, stress and I’m angry at myself for not being able to do it properly. Any tips?

  • Ronan
    2 years ago

    Hi Tamara,

    No one can fail at meditation. It’s about quieting your mind and being curious about how your mind works. If you get a thought (as we all do) bring your mind back to the quiet place. In my comment above I suggested focussing on the breath. Sometimes that’s all I can do.

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