My Migraine Motivational Problem
Motivation has always been an issue for me. It’s almost a sort of riddle. What can’t be taught but must be learned; something both inside and outside; and will fuel your entire life.
Unmotivated in school
My struggle with motivation was an incredibly vexing process that really started in high school. Sure, I have battles now, but sophomore year was a time of complete and utter anxiety.
Emerging from middle school, aka a hormone developed nightmarish hell-scape filled with rejection and braces, was something of a breath of fresh air. Being able to call myself a freshman, and later sophomore, was something really cool and glamorized on television. My friends and I would be able to play frisbee in the quad as well as solve mysteries and deal with the latest gossip.
Anxieties and migraine in high school
Not only was I dealing with the anxieties of high school, but I was also fighting migraine. What I didn’t know at the time, was that I was under such pressure that my body didn’t know how to deal with it. I would constantly complain of headaches and stomach aches that even my parents, some of the most loving and supportive people I know, would draw my legitimacy into question.
I started missing school
Like weeks at a time. I would create this horrible cycle for myself. I would get stressed about school work, only to be absent and have more school work to do on my own. It would pile up and up, weeks at a time, to the point where I would dread going back. My migraines would amplify as I continued to mistreat both my body and my mind.
My parents finally decided that perhaps I should see a school counselor with regard to my motivational issues.
Why didn't I care about my work?
These were the questions that had I expected I needed to answer when confronted with the counselor. I explained to her that I just didn’t want to. I didn’t know why, but I knew that I had no passion for the work I was doing. S0, naturally, I asked what I could do to change that.
She replied: "You just have to do it"
REALLY?!I was asking for help and what was wrong with me and instead of a constructive foundation to help give me a better path towards adulthood, I was just told you got to just do the dang thing.
What I wish I knew then
I remember how infuriated I was. Like that’s all the help I get? In order to get the motivation you just had to HAVE motivation? Looking back now, as somebody to still finds it challenging to sometimes get off my butt and do work I don’t like, I wish I could have gone back and said some stuff to myself.
“You have to do stuff you don’t like in order to get to where you want to be and that struggle will make the reward all the better.” - Me to young me probably
Just like migraine, it can sometimes be an insurmountable obstacle, but in order to make it to that sweet-sweet relief, you’ve just got to keep fighting that fight.
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