"Today, I’m very sad about losing a loved one who was a big part of my younger life. I want to call her family with condolences, as I’ve been close to all of them, but I can’t. I want to call a friend to lean on in my grief.
Several things about migraine that are blocking this for me:
1) I’m in that state of exhaustion that is so far beyond what that means for healthier people. I don’t have the energy to make those calls.
2) This g.d. migraine has kept me from seeing these loved ones for over a decade. But the pit in my stomach reminds me of the love that’s still there, and the fact that I thought there would always be ways to spend time with her one day. But there isn’t.
3) Crying makes my head hurt more.
4) There is no way on earth that I can get to the funeral which is a 6 hour drive, if I recall correctly.
The things we need when someone dies, are as impossible nowadays as everything else. Migraine won’t take a break because I want to go to a wake, a funeral, time at the house afterwards to talk more.
Instead, I’m alone because my symptoms are so restrictive, even when there’s a death. In a healthier life, one put everything aside to gather when we lose someone we love. You take off from work, maybe hop a plane, … you just get there. My heart breaks a little more today, as I grieve this loss and the related secondary losses that illness brings.
I’d appreciate any thoughts or similar experiences.
Thanks, Kate🌷"