michellep12
"Well I had a visit with my psychiatrist (issues with my bipolar as well, some anxiety and delusional thinking) and he added two meds: seroquel 25 mg, am, noon, 5 pm (for the thoughts) and ativan, am, 5 pm (for the anxiety.) Both knocked me out so had to call the doc's nurse and she said to cut 'em in half. Been on seroquel years ago 400 mg all at nite, but this is so different. I think my monthly is coming now and along with it the cluster. My mom is seriously stressed and doesn't want me on these new meds. (She is Dad's primary caretaker since his stroke in '02). She is about ready to blow and I personally think she could use some meds like these. Anyhow, if she even tries to lie down and sleep, that's about the time Dad rings his bell to go to the bathroom and he doesn't want me to help him. Mom is worn out. But she's been moody all of my life. I think she's also bipolar but I know from personal experience how hard it is to convince someone of that fact and of the need to get medication. So there's a stress for her and she made a comment to me today when I awoke after falling asleep on the couch...something to the effect of "there's my medicated daughter." She's getting downright cutting and saying mean things. I've tried to watch Dad to give her time to go off by herself...she won't. That's not my fault. Since my monthly has been 2 months late and thus that's a lower pain physically as far as the cluster is concerned, I can do more around the house...but she makes it absolutely miserable by flying off the handle. I have no place to go. When I do get my period, it will be a horrible one since it's so late. When I do get my clusters, Mom gets angry at me and the situation, as if she's got TWO people with disabilities to care for. When I have my cluster, as you all know with regular migraines, all we can do is to just drop everything and lie down and cry/scream and take pain meds, or whatever has been prescribed. I think the reason Mom is so upset is that she is not getting cared for. Once last fall she said, "When will it be MY turn?" As if I do this on purpose? She told me when she and Dad offered me a place to stay that they thought it'd be short term and that I'd come down and get a job quickly; they didn't know how bad of shape I was in. Sometimes I feel sorry for her; sometimes I want to tell her that nothing will change for her until she makes it change. Like her attitude, etc. But if she's bipolar, there's NOTHING she can do about the attutude without help of proper medication. I know what it's like without medication. I believe that if I'd had proper meds, maybe I'd still be married. But as it is, my poor husband used to tell me "I am afraid of you." when we were married. Sorry for the length of this post. I just needed to get this out. Can you all pray for my Mom? I honestly don't know what do to next for her. Thanks."
"Well so far, for the past 3 weeks, haven't had a cluster...This is the longest I've gone without for the past 4 or 5 years. But strangely, another pain has come along with the headache...teeth and jaw. The last two times, around early to Mid February when they came, they also came with horrible pain along the teeth and jaw line on the left side, all the way up to the hinge...But of course, when I had to go see my neurologist, one Cluster was completely gone, and the other one came a few days later. So she has yet to see my Clusters in full bloom. The only doctors who have ever seen 'em are those in the two ERs I've been to, and they didn't have a clue and didn't do anything except shoot me up with a "cocktail" as they called it. Anyhow, March 6 was the last time my left eye hurt, but it wasn't too red...but I've been excessively fatigued for weeks. My neuro says it's my weight (but I've been losing)...the first time I asked her at a previous appt., she said it was all the meds I'm taking for my blood pressure. But lately I've not even had the energy to even crawl. My last period was 2 months ago and I had just gotten them back and on regular track after about 4 years gone (long story, but I lived in hell/domestic violence situation for awhile). My mom (I now live with my parents) says my body is just all messed up. Then with TWO denials for social security disability under my belt, well how's that for a stressor? On a positive side, it's SPRING and that lifts my spirits for a bit, as long as the sun is shining. (I am also bipolar 1 and schizoaffective 1)...Sometimes I feel that the only ones who have no understanding of my suffering are the people at Social Security and my psychiatrist."