How do I help my frustrated boyfriend not feel neglected when I can’t go out?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and was diagnosed with daily chronic migraines out of the blue 2 years ago. Sometimes the pain from the migraine attack is so bad I can barely think. I’m lucky if the attack doesn’t make me dry heave. I’m so sensitive to light, smells, and sometimes I lose hearing. Tonight I felt terrible pain in both temples and behind my eyes. I wanted to say “no” to going out to dinner with my boyfriend and once I told him that, he got very angry. I said I could suck it up and go out, but the moment he knows I’m experiencing an attack, he shuts down and shuts me out. He’s upset that we’re never able to go out. Even if I were to “suck it up” and go out, he notices when I am suffering from an attack and he ends up bailing me out saying “let’s just go home”. I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do. I’m pain free for maybe a total of 4 hours each day, if that. That’s with Botox injections and an extensive list of medications and supplements I’ve tried over the past 2 years. I love him more than anything in the world and it kills me that this effing chronic condition is creating a rift between us. I really need some help. He needs ME to be present for him, not the quiet, uncomfortable, miserable monster I become during a migraine episode. Please, any advise about how to save my relationship would be greatly appreciated.


Community Answers
  • susan5118
    6 months ago

    When you are healthy and high functioning it is hard to be empathetic. It sounds like that is the state your boyfriend is in. He needs to be patient. When your headaches pass, I’m sure you want to go out and make up for lost time. That is how i feel at least. He needs to be grateful he doesn’t have them, focus on the times you are feeling good and support you when you are sick.

  • blancj8
    6 months ago

    Seems really unfair for him to shut down and shut you out. But hey…
    Are these outings social events that are required of him for family or work? If not why not try quiet carry out dinners at home?
    Or can you shift the medications that give you relief to when you would go out with him?

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