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Afraid to live..

I had my first migraine at the age of 8, I remember curling up on the couch in our living room and crying wondering if I was dying and not being able to express to my parents what was going on. I got them periodically throughout my teen years and one doctor told me to take two Tylenol then two hours later two ibuprofen, and to continue doing that until the pain went away, well I did that until I passed out and continued doing that throughout my teens.

I’ve had x-ray’s, ct-scans, MRI’s repeatedly. I’ve been on all the blood pressure drugs, antidepressants, anticonvulsants, and many other types , even the tryptophan therapies. I’ve tried massage therapy, diet changes, aromatherapy, hypnosis, acupuncture, acupressure, even prayer. As a result of the over the counter meds I have bleeding ulcers that I have been slowly getting under control over the past 5 years. I am also bulimic and anorexic because I’m afraid to eat. I am now 37 years old and suffer almost daily migraines, most days I wake up with a number4-5 migraine, by nighttime it’s a raging 10. On a good day it stays at a 4-5. My sleep schedule is ruined by pain I wake frequently in the night.

The good news is 7 years ago I finally found a doctor who listened to me after being brushed off by so, so many, and am now on a pain schedule that helps put the pain off to the side so it’s not sharp anymore. Thing is with migraines as you all know while you have one your not just experiencing that one, your panicking about all the other ones your going to have to suffer, and I’m so damn tired of the PAIN!!! I have applied for disability and been denied three times so far. I’ve lost every job I’ve had because of migraines and not being able to go in. My last job though I had finally gotten on my pain meds and was making it to work but because the meds are narcotics they fired me because the claimed I was unsafe to work. . Can’t win. Can’t work. Can’t stand this pain. I wish more people understood this is not just a headache, it does not just go away, it affects our WHOLE body, and goddamn it this is disabling!!!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Katie M. Golden moderator
    5 years ago

    You’ve been through a lot and yet you’re still standing. You should be extremely proud of yourself. I’m amazed at your persistence to keep trying new treatments, to keep trying to find a work option that may work for you and to keep fighting for the disability you deserve.

    We’re all allowed to feel frustrated and sorry for ourselves. You’ve managed to turn those feelings into actions. And when we think there isn’t anything else to try, there probably is something else out there. At least I have to believe that.

    Take care of yourself!

  • Chere
    5 years ago

    My heart goes out to you. Wanting work and unable to do so because of the pain. /sending courage and strength.
    Keep searching for solutions – don’t give up.

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