I can’t live like this

I’ve been getting migraines since I was 15, I am 22. I’ve only had 7 years of migraines and I’ve already had enough!

My mum suffers too and it’s all linked to our hormones. Around our time of the month we get cluster migraines and they are relentless.

I have missed so many opportunities, so many social events and so much work due to migraines. I am miserable.

My boyfriend and my friends, they don’t understand the pain, nor the effect it has on me mentally. But my mum, she gets it. She knows the pain sure, but I think she’s tougher than I am. She takes them in her stride, she’s been having them for 35 years, I feel so pathetic with my 7 year streak. But maybe I’m just not as strong as she is.

The pain is so intense and scary and relentless that I don’t want to live through it all. I don’t want to die and I’m not suicidal or depressed. I’m lost.

I take my anger and frustration and pain out on my boyfriend. He spends hours massaging my shoulders when they are as hard as stone. And he sits up with me and holds me when I let go and cry.

My mum had horrid migraines when we were younger and we had to get our own dinner, from the age of 8. I don’t want to miss any time or moments or dinners with my babies when I have them. I don’t want to be shut away in a dark room while the world carries on. I want to be out in the world, I want to be free.

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