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Head-butters Who Need To Butt Out

Okay so I have this club that I’m in at school. It’s a nice club with about 6 regular members. There is one girl who has migraines like me. And despite us having this connection…. I hate her guts.

The reason why is simply because even though she has migraines like me, both with episodic migraines, she is a total jerk about them.

I admit I complain a lot about my migraines, my other stories show why I mean migraines interfere with my life in general. Boyfriend, school, family, study time, personal time, heck even interfere with my club! So I do complain a lot.

But this girl… My gosh you would think that she has never had a true migraine in her life!

She doesn’t flip out or anything when I mention them, or tell her I have one, but she does get this face like she just sucked on a lemon. It’s really annoying. Then she starts in on the unneeded advice

It’s stuff I hear all the time and yet she just repeats it and then gets mad at me when I tell her it won’t work, or that I’ve tried or even that I just don’t want to and she tells me not to complain….

Now granted I don’t know her medical history and about two years ago I didn’t even know who she was. But I cannot stand her. And she gets this annoyed look on her face every time I bring up migraines and new treatments in general. And she tells me to stop complaining even when I’m not. She acts as if the questions and thoughts I have about migraines are nothing but stupid words.

Honestly I would avoid her but she is the new leader of my club and I don’t want to quit solely based on her.

Now the reason I post this story is really to wonder and ask if anyone has ever dealt with someone who was a similar condition to you, whether it be migraines, lupus or any other diseases. Have you ever dealt with someone in a similar position who you just can’t stand?

Or have you ever become jealous of someone like that? Because there are days I’m sure as heck jealous of her. I miss days and weeks of school because of migraines and she has a damn near perfect record of attendance. She even gets on me for missing club meetings.

It’s frustrating, that’s for sure.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Katie M. Golden moderator
    5 years ago

    Doug just gave some really great advice. I have just a few things to add that may help in dealing with her.

    Migraine is a spectrum disease, similar to Autism. What one person experiences is not necessarily going to be the same for another. So while she may be able to go to school every day, you can’t. It’s not a contest to see who has them worse Because everyone who suffers loses in that race.

    The Ms. Know-it-alls in life are a pain. But like Doug said, don’t let that define you. Just because she doesn’t validate your feelings, it doesn’t mean that what you are going through isn’t real. Don’t let her reaction make you feel bad about yourself. IN a few years, you’ll be out of school and will never see her again (if you don’t want to). Looking back it would seem silly to be placing so much anger toward someone who is not going to be a constant in your life.

    But it’s still going to be hard to co-exist with her until that time. Have you ever asked her what she does for her headaches? It could be that she’s fighting for attention too and wants to vent about her illness and the only way she knows how is to put you down. Maybe there is some common ground where you could support each other instead of making it a contest.

    You’re strong and you are going to get through this. Don’t let it stress you out so much- it will only increase your Migraines!

    Best wishes to you!

  • Doug
    5 years ago

    You are definitely not alone. My experience could probably give you some real perspective. I have friends, family, co-workers, and even a spouse who have experience with migraines or somehow think they are an expert on them. They give me plenty of unwanted advice, criticism, and sour reactions.

    My wife has experience with episodic migraines. They were bad enough that I took her to the ER one time because she was in so much pain and throwing up so much (that was before we figured out what they were). She easily treated hers with a beta blocker, a triptan, removing all MSG from her diet, and getting a lower stress job. They usually only come back if she accidentally eats MSG.

    I believe that I had migraines for awhile without them being diagnosed. It was not until a couple weeks after her diagnosis and doing some reading about it that I realized that I might have them too. Mine were episodic, but relatively frequent and at times very severe with pain and vomiting.

    For awhile, she was understanding about them, but after hers went away, she became less tolerant of mine. She would be impatient about me spending a weekend in bed, which was happening once or twice per month. When my migraines became chronic 8 months ago, she has overall been somewhat understanding of me missing a lot of work, social events, etc., but only to a point. She has often been completely inconsiderate of my pain, nausea, and noise sensitivity. It seems to be more and more frequent that she acts as if she has never had a migraine and couldn’t possibly understand.

    There have been times when I have been able to abort a migraine with a triptan or simply tough one out because it is not as severe, and I think that teases her into thinking that I can always just pop a pill or fight through it to do whatever she wants. So I will have severe migraine and be laying with my head between the pillows, and she will be turning on the lights and yelling at me about whatever she thinks I should be doing at that moment instead of laying down. I can’t tell you how many times this week alone that she has asked, “can’t you just take something?”

    We have been together for ten years, she has experienced severe episodic migraines herself, and yet she cannot seem to understand what I am going through. I think that this sort of reaction is something you can never completely escape from. It’s just a choice of how close you want to let these people get or how tolerant you want to be of their intolerance.

    My only advice I can give is do not hide your migraines, but don’t complain about them or let them define who you are. I have done pretty well with work and friends by being open about my condition, patiently accepting their unwanted advice, and telling them a little bit about what treatments I have tried so far and what I am currently trying. Once they accepted that I am doing everything that I can to control my condition, they stopped offering their medical expertise and were pretty supportive in the ways that I need it. I don’t complain when I am having a bad day, but my body language often tells them everything they need to know. I find myself talking about migraines much less frequently, despite the fact that they are affecting me almost every single day.

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