Relief, and Still Confused

Just about a week post Botox, I can say I am feeling pretty good. I have had a couple of very dull, what I would call almost migraines, but nothing that got me to stop what I was doing. What I do find confusing, is that I have had the onset symptoms a few times-the weird impending doom feeling, anxiety, nausea, but no visual aura. I don’t know if this is habit, a learned behavior from the total shutdown I used to have, or just a migraine symptom that isn’t controlled by the Botox.

Psychologically, I find it hard to be “normal.” I look at my calendar and I want to plan ahead, but the pop up in my mind zings a “don’t commit, you don’t know how that day will be.” I still have the worry, am I going to make it, am I going to disappoint my family. This sounds terrible and I should be on top of the world, which I am, but with total caution.

On a different side, having a nice flat forehead is a plus. That part, psychologically is nice. Years of rubbing my forehead have taken its toll, therefore being able to brush my hair, and not have the worn down, totally shot, ragged, look is a bonus.

I have upped my running mileage. A couple days ago in the rain, I just ran and ran with a new sense of freedom, one I can’t remember how long ago I felt. I had this visual (this will sound a little funny) that I was in a feminine product commercial, as I was jumping over puddles, smiling like some kind of nut. My head didn’t hurt and my legs weren’t sore, it was a feeling of complete joy. Euphoria.

It is somewhat strange not moving my forehead, but I figure I have moved it, rubbed it, creamed it, oiled it, pepperminted it, ben gay’d it, snake oiled it, so much previously, that my skin is probably thrilled not to be moved.

I don’t know how long it will last, I think that is what bugs me. I guess I will never leave the house without abortives and emergency supplies, from years of conditioning. My vision seems better and it is much easier to sit at a computer, noise doesn’t bug me as much, and I did have a few onions yesterday. I want to party party party but there is an automatic brake type mechanism.

I hope that goes away too. One more cup of coffee.. and then I will venture out into the bright daylight.

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