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Jessica’s Story – Is there anything left in life for me?

I will be 40 years old in October this year and I have suffered from migraines since I was 13. My father had them and so did my mother, my sister and nephew do too. So I guess it’s true they run in families! I remember being young and my mother would sit next to me in the middle of the night while I sat up and rocked forward and backward praying for the pain to stop. The worst part for me is not being able to lay down when my head hurts so bad. I have to prop myself up in a wingback chair and wait them out.

I have been on every med available and even had surgery to try and relieve them but nothing seems to work. I have given up on preventatives since they have such nasty side affects for me. I suffer from depression and PTSD and most preventatives make me suicidal or I go into anaphalactic shock, and at the very least panic attacks which can lead me to feel suicidal as well.

When I was 13 they diagnosed me with TMJ and I had 8 teeth removed and wore braces for 4 years then splints to relax my jaw because I grind my teeth. Never really helped much. I used to just get them with my periods after all that, so I eventually had a hysterecomy to try and get relief. Nope that didn’t work either. I also had a lumbar shunt put in to drain fluid off my brain and spinal cord, it overdrained and had to be removed, so that failed too. I’ve had more than 2 dozen spinal taps, 50+ CAT Scans and 16 MRI‘s to date with no explanation why I hurt so bad so often. Since the beginning of this year I have started having at lesat 2-3 full blown migraines per week.

I can only work 4 days per week a total of 4 hours a day and even then I am missing at least 3-4 days of work each month. Most days I feel like giving up all together. I have no social life and even thinking about being in a relationship with a man being as sick as I am, makes my head hurt. My family is very supportive though and understands, but lately they have gotten so much worse and I wake up so many times with them full blown that my ergotamine has no real ffect. I do have lortab for pain but it rarely does more then take the edge off enough for me to lay down and pack my head in ice.

I am on medicaid (medipass) and cannot find a neurologist within 100 miles that will treat me. My PCP won’t give me meds to treat the pain anymore even though I cannot afford a neurologist out of pocket. So I am left going to the ER several times per month for relief and now they are starting to turn me away as well without treating me. They turned me away last Thursday and consequently I layed in bed for 3 days with my head packed in ice just wishing I would die.

I really feel that if I didn’t have faith in God I would have killed myself long ago. Most of the time I feel like the world has left me behind and I will never have anything but pain to look forward to. I pray each day that my 2 daughters don’t develop migraines. I would never wish this kind of pain on even my worst enemy. For now I take my life from hour to hour and hope that I can get through a day without headache or a week without a migraine. That’s small glimmer of sunshine is how I get through each day and have the courage to not give up!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Chastity Poindexter
    8 years ago

    It’s disheartening to read such an awful story about a lifestyle that many of us suffer through each day. Besides not getting the real relief needed, healthcare disputes are making it almost impossible for the average person to even receive treatment. (whether treatment worked would be an entirely different story.) Hope things work out for you and you have some encouragement for some of us that relate to your story so deeply. <3

  • Elaine Gross
    8 years ago

    Jessica, your story is so very sad. I feel for you. Have you tried another PCP? One that will prescribe preventative meds? I think anytime you go to the doctor complaining of pain, even when it’s true, doctor’s are wary. They have to very careful because of being taking advantage by drug addicts. Preventatives are not addictive meds. Also, medications used to abort migraines are not addictive pain medication – like Imitrex, Relpax, Frova, etc… Anytime you go to the ER they’re going to treat the pain with narcotic type drugs. If they have people who keep coming, after awhile they will cut them off, assuming they’re addicts. You don’t necessarily have to go to a Neurologist for treatment. I initially went to an ENT who diagnosed me and treated me for a few years, and was very good and knowledgable. Don’t feel hopeless, don’t give up.

  • Joanne Rose Petrella Minchini
    8 years ago

    So sad. Elaine, how are you doing? I feel so badly for people like you and Jessica. So sorry that I haven’t been in touch. I’m still busy.

  • Amy Y. McCullough
    8 years ago

    I think it’s horrible that you can’t get adequate painkillers prescribed to you. Especially with your history and everything you have been through. Can you try to find a different, more compassionate, PCP in your area? You have a genetic neurological disease, and you deserve to find real treatment for it! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Linda Barham Nabors
    8 years ago

    Jessica, You are in my thoughts and prayers today. I pray that God will strengthen you to endure what you have to endure. I understand your pain and no answer for why it is there. I have been lucky enough to be able to find a Dr. that will give me pain meds to deal with them. Some people would not agree with pain meds, but doing without them when you hurt everyday and then have a major attack 2-3 times a week like you and I, is not an option anymore, I will choose the meds. I have no explanation of my headaches other than caused by fibromyalgia. I thought the knowing where they came from would help, but the pain is still there. At the moment, I am using http://www.ScriptureTyper.com to memorize bible verses. My Lord and Savior is the only hope in my life and if I can fill my mind and heart with His word that is so powerful and sharper than any 2 edged sword, I can get through these nasty headaches. His word keeps me sane and my mind is occupied with truth instead of the lies our mind can make up when we are in pain. I have no social life either, Facebook has been a Godsend to me. Sometimes I only have a few moments or maybe a couple of hours in between headaches, but I am thankful for those times. I can remember during those moments that I am not crazy and that God needs me in the world for something. Hang in there Jessica, by sharing your story today you have inspired someone for the better.

  • Julianne Zimmerman Alley
    8 years ago

    I’m really sorry you suffer so much but for the life of me I don’t understand why people with hereditary diseases, including migraine, insist on having children. I understand the desire to reproduce, but if you if you say you wouldn’t wish your pain on your worst enemy, why on earth would you take such a chance of passing it on to your children? That makes no sense to me. What happens when you have to watch them suffer? What kind of guilt will that give you and what kind of life will it give them? And what kind of mother do they have when you are suffering so much? None of that is fair to them and it makes me angry.

  • Kate Benson
    8 years ago

    I have had Migraines since I was 12, and I am now 44. My new Neurologist is getting impatient with me because he is not ‘curing’ me either, and I requested a referral to a rheumatologist to check for fibromyalgia. My Insurance company doesn’t want to cover the medicine I use because they don’t think I ‘need’ it, and I’m tired of discussing it with whoever answers the phone when I call-that gives me a headache! I pray for you and all of us who go through this and that Someday we get a True Healthcare System that is NOT Profit-driven. God Bless.

  • Jamie
    8 years ago

    Jessica, I’m so sorry that you have so much pain with no answers, and that your financial situation is affecting the treatment you’re able to pursue.

    I am beyond happy that you have your faith in God to get you through. I know that my faith has had a lot of ups and downs through my experience with chronic migraines, but I always know that God is there and taking care of me.

    I pray that you find peace through God’s love and strength.

    Blessings.

  • Jamie Valendy
    8 years ago

    Jessica, I’m so sorry that you have so much pain with no answers, and that your financial situation is affecting the treatment you’re able to pursue.

    I am beyond happy that you have your faith in God to get you through. I know that my faith has had a lot of ups and downs through my experience with chronic migraines, but I always know that God is there and taking care of me.

    I pray that you find peace through God’s love, and that you trust that He will never leave you. Keep the courage and strength that God has provided. Blessings, dear one.

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