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I just want it to Stop

Don’t get me wrong – I love life. I love MY life. I’m happy with who I am and what I’ve done with myself. But I do suffer the almost daily occurrence of Migraine, and have since I was about 10 years old. It’s been my constant companion throughout well over ¾ of my life.

For the most part, the bad days bearable: you make subtle adjustments, take time off when you need it, and get by well enough. The good days in between make up for it. But every once in a while, you get hit with a doozy. One that really, truly hurts. I mean, hurts so bad time itself ceases to exist, and all there is – is pain.

I can remember one time I was at work when it hit. I was standing outside on the street corner wishing I had an ax so that I could cut my foot off. I figured the pain from that would stop the pain in my head. I’m fairly certain that if somebody had, at that very moment, handed me an actual ax – I would have done it.

Another time, I found myself on the floor in the bathroom of my house. I was propped up in the corner, near the toilet, in the middle of a bout of nausea & vomiting. I knew exactly how many pills I had in the house – down to the smallest grain of powder at the bottom of the container – and if I could have gotten up to go get them, I would have taken everything I had – just to stop the pain. Except that I couldn’t move or I’d start throwing up again. If I held perfectly still – no movement at all, not even a breath – I could stop the spasms.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • DonnaFA moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi Ruth, thanks for being part of the community and sharing your story. I’m so sorry you have had so many struggles. Does your doctor help you feel heard? If you would like to connect with a headache specialist in your area you might be interested in reading Is it time for a new doctor? and Hiring the right doctor.

    We’re glad you’re here. -All Best, Donna ( team)

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