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Life Wasted

I have had migraine for many years but the last 5 years have been extremely severe with no explanation doctors don’t seem to be able to explain. I’ve had all sorts of tests and scans done but no solution. I sometimes feel like a guinea pig for docs because there is no real cure I’ve had more different tablets to see how they work it’s a wonder my insides still function I can get 5 to 6 a month but I’m finding each one lasting longer n I’m becoming violently ill having to spend days in darkness. At one point it got so bad I was sent straight to hospital my doc thought I’d had a stroke so my quality of life can be dire, it makes me miserable and days lost my family suffer they are totally supportive and try help with everything but at times I wonder do they think I’m being over exaggerated because they can’t understand they don’t get it how bad it can be.

I’ve spent many hours crying begging it to stop at it’s worst iv wished I’d fall asleep and if I never woke up I’d be happy because it would stop I’m not suicidal by no means just at it’s worst it can feel it’s never going to stop so if I died then I no it would stop so many days I have missed in my family’s life and sometimes don’t do stuff just I case I constantly think why me what did I do to deserve this and find myself jealous of people who say they would rarely even get a headache and fantasie what that would be like, what it would be like to have a carefree life?

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  • debbieleq
    1 year ago

    I am so sorry for your struggle. I completely relate to you. At one point I was begging for a brain tumor because it was better than no cure. I know how bad that sounds. I also too have taken PM pills because I felt if I did not go to sleep I would hurt myself. I am not suicidal, though I can tell I am becoming very depressed lately. But it is just so intense. I feel like “no way I am surviving this amount of pain”. I am praying for you.

  • Nancy Harris Bonk moderator
    1 year ago

    Hi Elab,

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I imagine it wasn’t easy, but most of us can relate to your post. Living with migraine disease seems to fill us with guilt, shame and just plain frustration. There are some great articles on these topics I’d like to share with you in hopes you won’t feel so alone;

    If someone had told me 20 years ago I’d be on disability living with multiple chronic illnesses I wouldn’t have believed them, but this is my reality now, one I have trouble reckoning with from time to time. Missing family and social events, losing relationships and my career take a toll. In my discussions with my counselor, whom I see every once in a while, we go over strategies on how to shift my mindset. I must be a slow learner and/or very stubborn, I keep having to do it over and over!!

    We get it an are here for you. Keep talking, it helps!


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