Misunderstood Teenager – How Original!
Hmm, where to start? I suppose the beginning might be a good place.
The first memory I have of these is from when I was 4 or 5, sitting in the chair next to the sink in my primary school after being sick, waiting for my mum to come and pick me up. I remember this happening quite a few times, but can never remember what I thought. I suppose being that age I didn’t think much of it. It was just a bug, or I had a funny tummy. Yeah, that must have been it.
The next memory, more vivid than the last, is from when I was probably 6 and was being sick every 2-3 weeks. It soon came to a level that my mum took me to the doctor, where I was given a medicine that I can’t think the name of to take every night. That worked, and I took that for about 2 years until there were no more sick times or tummy aches, and I was fine.
The rest of primary school and the start of secondary passed without much trouble. The occasional normal sore head topped up but that was no big deal, and I hadn’t been sick again (which I still haven’t because of migraines).
Then came the end of November 2009, and that’s when everything was new. One day I got a huge headache, and it didn’t go away. The New Year rolled around and still it wasn’t gone. Neither was it in January, or February. It came to one February morning where it still wasn’t gone, and I decided to go down to the kitchen to see my mum before going into the shower and getting ready for school. We were just talking, when I decided to tell her I wasn’t going to school and I was going back to bed because my head was too sore. She accepted this and came over to hug me, a hug I don’t remember because the next thing I knew I was half in the living room and half in the kitchen, lying flat on the floor. My mum decided then that it would be a good idea to go to the doctor.
That day, we went and I was properly diagnosed with migraine, and as far as I know, to this day I don’t have any triggers. The doctor put on propranolol, but just a small dose. This wasn’t high enough, so we were soon back to see the doctor and the dose was upped. This was repeated until I was on 40mg in the morning, 40mg in the afternoon and 80mg at night. I stayed on this for quite some time because it was mostly working. But, as it turns out, for me there were more negative effects than positive ones. No one told me this, but they saw me getting paler to the point that I looked grey, I was getting much thinner, and I looked like I hadn’t slept in quite some time. My appetite was also suffering, to the point that I would only eat an amount equal to less than one meal a day.
After months on the propranolol, I started getting stabbing pains in my stomach, which got so bad that I couldn’t stand up, and this started happening almost every day, even at school. I would be partly bent over walking from class to class, trying to hide the look of pain and terror. At this time I didn’t know that it was the pills doing it, so I thought there was something else wrong. Along with this, the pills started to stop working, and new symptoms started up, like weakness, not being able to talk or sometimes not have the strength to stand up.
Once the migraines were worse and the pills weren’t working, my mum looked on the internet and found an explanation for all the new pains and symptoms; my migraines were changing from classic to chronic. They were now lasting longer, and more painful with new bits and pieces coming along with them. My mum took me back to the doctors and I was put on pitzotifen. These have worked for a while but not much anymore. They dial down the headache about 1 or 2 marks but not much, and they don’t do anything for the other symptoms whatsoever.
I have now been referred to the neurology department at my city’s hospital, and I am now waiting for an appointment. Hopefully they will be able to do something more for me, whether it be refer me elsewhere or give me something new to try.
Then there are my friends. They are trying to understand, but they don’t do too well. Trying to tell them it is “more than just a headache” is a dying battle. My best friend keeps saying she has “SUCH a sore head :(” but I really can’t have sympathy for her, even though I should. Neither do I have any sympathy for the people who go home from school because they have a sore head, because they give up while I’m in class trying to do well. I know it sounds so bad, but they do give up, which isn’t the way to go with anything. I am half a person most of the time because of this getting through each day, causing gaps in between my friends and the people close to me because I can’t be who I am.
Even if I can’t be who I am all the time because of this, I don’t let it stop me from doing what I want to do. I go to 3D movies; I go on holiday to hot sunny places. Even though these are things that I shouldn’t be doing, I do them because I’m not going to be controlled by this thing. I’m going to be strong, and find out all I can about what’s wrong with me, and everything I can do about it, and dream beyond dreams that someday there will be a cure.