I remember when........

I remember when I was fun for other people.
I remember when I could flick my hair around and dance without a thought.
I remember when walking into a shopping centre didn't fill me with dread.
I remember when I was an active parent, without the need for another adult to be with me - just in case.
I remember when I didn't google the word 'vertigo'.
I remember when 'vertigo' was just a Hitchcock film.
I remember when a headache was just a paracetemol away from being nothing.
I remember a time when a headache was limited.
I remember who I was without vertigo induced migraine and I mourn her.
I remember a Tracy who found the hidden promises in every day.
I remember when guilt wasn't all consuming as I watch my family grow without me.
I remember when the world didn't spin.It's so much prettier when still.
I remember when I worried about how I looked, or where I would be going on the weekend.
I remember the woman who married her husband and wonder where she has gone, and wonder whether he misses her?
I remember when next to my bed would be a book and not a collection of medications that I grab at, as the dizziness descends.
I remember when medication used to work for me.
I remember I am alive, but not fully living - every day.