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Suicidal thoughts

Please help me. I’ve been in a migraine cycle for 2 months now in moderate to severe pain-depending on the day. I went through a 3 day outpatient DHE infusion protocol at Mayo hospital in Arizona but was not able to get the full treatment because my blood pressure went too high on day 1 and 2. My sister reminded me that our Mom had this same problem with infusions (not for migraines) and they had to slow down the rate the drip was infusing. I asked them to do this on day 3 and was able to get both treatments of DHE. However this did not break my migraine cycle. I contacted my headache specialist at Mayo hoping he would give me another day of infusions at a slower rate and I could get the full six doses of DHE that go with the three day protocol. I was totally flabbergasted and felt very dismissed when he told me to go to my primary care physician or the urgent care. Really??? A headache specialist telling me to go to my PCP or urgent care for an intractable migraine??? I’m devastated and have lost my trust and utmost respect I had in him. I’ve been counting my pain pills that I have left from neck surgery last year and my benzo’s and how they can make a lethal cocktail. I can’t keep going in this pain and being in bed for months at a time. This is not living. It’s hardly existing. Please help me I need your support and pearls of wisdom

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Nonster author
    3 weeks ago

    San Francisco, I’ve been hearing a-lot lately about ketamine being used for migraines. Who gave you a referral to get them? How long do you get relief between treatments?
    How many times have you had the 5 day infusions? Are they covered by insurance? Sorry I have so many questions but I’m very interested and curious. Thanks for sharing your success….I’m still desperate…

  • SanFrancisco
    3 weeks ago

    Nonster: I too am severe and have had the migraines for over 20 years. But there is hope! A ketamine infusion over 5 days (1 four hour infusion per day) really does help. It takes literal seconds to work bc you dissociate almost immediately (feels like your leaving your body) but if it’s frightening to you, the dr will just give you an anti anxiety IV push. Finally I found an inexpensive product on Amazon ($13 for one month) and it’s been more helpful than any prescription drug (as a preventative). It has choline, inositol, and PABA along with B and C vitamins. It’s called: “Natures Wellness
    Vitamin B Complex Stress Relief”. It’s improved my depression, anxiety and pain levels. I’m not cured but it’s definitely worth a try. Good luck. I will say a prayer for you.

  • Nonster author
    2 years ago

    Lisa I’m so sorry for your loss of your son. It is the thought of my family having to deal with the aftermath that keeps me here. But I believe living in chronic migraines is hell on earth-especially when nothing works and you have no reprieve

  • Nonster author
    2 years ago

    Thank you Not Again for your response and great recommendations. I was so frustrated, in pain, hopeless and thrown under the bus by my migraine specialist. I’m still totally baffled at how I was treated. Thanks again for your reply and caring words.

  • Not-Again
    2 years ago

    It is difficult and de-humanizing sometimes when we are dismissed by those we trust to care for us. I certainly hope the migraine has ended before you see this response. Maybe before the next time this might happen, have them make a note in your chart that you need the slowest drip and it takes more than 3 days for you to get the full measure of DHE that your body can process. You might even consider writing an open letter to all your doctors explaining how your body best works with infusions period so it can be in all of your charts. I’m really hoping you are feeling better and know this community cares for you and supports you. Be gentle with yourself!

  • Nonster author
    2 years ago

    Joanna, the moderator, is the only one who reached out to help me in my moment of need. I thank you Joanna and have taken steps that have helped me through this pain and crisis. So sad others are afraid to get involved.

  • Joanna Bodner moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi there again Nonster!
    I am so happy to hear from you today! I was thinking of you this morning and was going to send another message to check in to see how you were doing these past two days. I am so happy to hear that you have taken some steps to help you through this. We know it takes a tremendous amount of courage to not only reach out for support, but to take the next step and get the help you need through difficult times.

    Please know we are all here for you and please check back in to let us know how things are going whenever you can.

    Wishing you a gentle day.
    -Joanna ( Team)

  • Joanna Bodner moderator
    2 years ago

    Dear Nonster59,

    First, I want to commend you for reaching out for support. Given the title of your story I want to express that if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or are considering self-harm reach out for immediate help and use these resources!
    Here are additional ways to reach out for help;
    Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
    Visit or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
    You’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

    National Hopeline Network:
    Call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
    24- hour suicide prevention and support.

    Understandably, this has clearly taken a toll on you and of course would on anyone who has been in such prolonged pain. I am so sorry you are experiencing this and that you are not being supported by your specialist. This is very discouraging to hear. However, if this has been unremitting pain it be time to seek urgent care. If you are feeling up to it, here is an article which discusses “How Do You Break a Migraine That Won’t Stop?” as well as “What is a migraine emergency?”.

    I am sending you loads of good energy and positive vibes! Please check back in with us and let us know how you are doing. We are all behind you and know we you are going through…you are never alone here!
    Joanna ( Team)

  • Lisa Frei
    2 years ago

    Please do what you can to help your suicidal thoughts. I lost my 17 yr old son Feb 3 2014. He simple could not tolerate the pain any longer. His migraines were a at a minimum of five days on,one off. He was failing in school. He too,did DHE infusions, among other treatments. After the DHE would break the headache,he would be in the restroom for 2 mores days,and unable to attend school. So another week would be lost. My husband, his siblings and myself were devastated. Suicide is the hardest death for loved ones to process.

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