Trying to find common ground

The sudden change from successful and comfortable to a complete earth quake of migraines, doctor bills, more bills, no income, being ignored, not to mention the pain and being accused of many things, it’s all I could do to hold on tight and look for common ground somewhere. The holding on worked but attempting to find common ground with my family and friends was a complete failure. The crazy part is that it’s really no ones fault. Life just happens. Most people want to socialize to connect, have fun, relax, feel some good vibes, feel good about themselves, not to talk about their setbacks or challenges. Most people don’t like it when you know something they don’t know. The connection is lost and awkwardness follows.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes by assuming others would eventually understand if I explained myself. I wanted to open up and let them know so they would forgive me and we could continue our friendship. But I was asking forgiveness for something they couldn’t begin to identify with. So, unfortunately their imaginations were left to fill in a huge question, why? I seen different sides to people I had not seen before. I have been accused of and confronted with some wild and crazy stories and accusations such as cheating on my husband, trying to get a divorce, trying to move away, trying to start an argument, trying to avoid someone, asking if something is going on between me and my father in law by my sister in law. It’s been so challenging to forgive them, see them time after time and hold my marriage together. I had to set some boundaries which caused more problems between me and my husband for a while and it took nerves of still to hold my ground with pressure coming from everyone. I could have easily given up and lost everything. But I had some good memories and i was determined to not lose anything else to these migraines. My career was one thing but surprisingly, I do love deeply, deeply enough to endure hell and pulling myself through the other side to keep my family together. I was finally able to cut back on visiting my in laws with my family. I really miss how we use to be and how much fun we had. I just wanted it to go back to what it once was but with all the drama and my migraines I really had to choose to distance myself to protect me and my family.

So much has changed and so much has happened that we are almost strangers. But I will always love them and treat them with respect. Now after all this, when I’m asked or when expected to explain, I either say, yes, I just wanted some time alone or that I was having a headache and waiting for the medicine to work. So now they say I’m depressed and detached. But it’s so much nicer than all the other drama they came up with. Hopefully over time we can become closer. I’m very fortunate and thankful that me and my husband have become closer and our son is full of hope and ambition for his future. I am one of the lucky ones with chronic migraines.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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  • DonnaFA moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi Tammy, thanks so much for being part of the community and for sharing your story of hope. We’re sending all good wishes that your family continues to grow together. -Warmly, Donna (Migraine.com team)

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