Happy for my migraine, sounds weird?
Only 5 years old. Now it is 25 years ago it started. That whole week I was very sad and had no one to talk with about it, no one did care. I was very traumatised by a violent father, when I thought my mother was dead by his cruel punches. The week after I was sad at the school, and we were randomly reading a book loudly. I was a little caring celever girl, so I never did my homework and helped my other class mates at home, and often won the competitions in the class.
So, when I was sitting there in my own thoughts, I did not want any attention on me, when my teacher wanted me to read from the book. I didn’t want to so I stayed quiet. Then he demanded me to read again. My hands was on the book. Come on! He said in a hard tone. I felt like being strangled by the anger in his voice and forced myself to look at the words, they were crawling around on the book like ants. As I tryed to catch them in my mind, my tongue didn’t obey, as I was sluttering. My teacher got angry and accused me on not making my homework. I couldn’t speak. He grab me in my collar and lifted me up as he yelled in my face and sat me on the lazies chair. The next hour I layed my head on the table and falled asleep. When I suddenly woke up, everyone was a outside playing, and I remember wondering why my teacher didn’t get angry with me and woke me up.
After this hard start I was not the best anymore and not clever as I used to be. Everything changed. Suddenly my grades was average and I felt hard to concentrate.
The headaches came often and made me sick, all sounds exploded in my head, – even if someone dropped a needle on the floor the sound exploded. No one knew what was wrong with me and no one took me to the doctor to find out. This migraine attacks kept on hitting my brain as it feels like it is melting down and somebody is playing football with it. It hit always my hearing until 20s when it changed to spoil my vision.
When I was complaining about the migraine and laying down to sleep, no one took me serious, as they told me I was exaggerating it. In many years heard to those assumptions, so I started to believe that it was normal headache and there was something wrong with my perception of the pain…. Until an age of 25 when I started to work as laboratory technician my vision got very blurred, so I contacted an eye doctor. Half of the lights in my left eye he tested me with, couldn’t I see. When he told me that I had migraine so many things changed, now I could get medicine that works, as I never did before. Relevation, but olso a feeling of being neglected. I realized that world can be cruel, and I should start to take care of myself, so I do everything now to get a proper suitable and better self image. How weird it sounds, the migraine helped me to awareness.
Now sometimes when I get migraine, it is combined with stressfull situations, bad sleep and some spicy food or some times strange and sharp light in the weather. Every morning I give myself some time to feel my body with closed eyes, and this self awareness is helping me avoid the attacks. When it anyway happens, sometimes I can avoid it by mental and physical control an awareness, how I do it, I don’t know fully, but I concentrate my thoughts and body to be calm, thinking on a summer day in a green forest as I lay down with closed eyes. The medicine only takes the top of it.
My migraine helped me start to be self caring, being aware, getting insight, calmness and most important of all appreciate my own value, a better one.
I can say that I am more happier because of my migraine, even that it sounds strange.
Being aware of the migraine helped me in many other ways, that I am gratefull for.
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