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Living with Migraine

Dealing with Being Alone… My Friend Believes… It's JUST A HEADACHE!!

  • By Alessandra

    Yes, my friend,who must have gotten an honorary medical degree when I wasn’t looking diagnosed my chronic migraine disease… for which I am on disability for, as… JUST A HEADACHE! WE’VE ALL HAD HEADACES, OF COURSE THEY HURT, BUT….” SO, WE ARE ALL WRONG!!a migraine is “just a headache! ”

    I could not say or read anything to make him understand the difference! DR FRIEND IS CONVINCED, DESPITE THE RESEARCH, CLINICS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN RESEARCH, WEBSITES, TESTEMONY, ARTICLES… EVERYONE IS WRONG… IT’S JUST A HEADACE! I want to run away, but I’m stuck here in pain with total ignorance and no compassion.

    Does anyone else feel in agony and alone? In pain without anyone caring? After all, it’s just a headache! ! totally misunderstood?? Please reply. I’d like to educate my DR FRIEND, BUT IT’S HOPELESS. I WISH HE EXPERIENCED THE PEAK OF A CHRONIC MIGRAINE ATTACK FOR 10 MINUTES… ACTUALLY I WISH EVERY ONE WHO THINKS A MIGRAINE IS JUST A HEADACHE JUST 10 MINUTES OF THE HIGHT OF A FULL BLOWN MIGRSINE… PAIN, AURA AND EVERY SYMPTOM FOR 10 MINUTES…

    What do you think they would do? With NO SYMPATHY NEAR THEM OF CORSE IN THE MIDDLE OF PENN STATION!!

    Signed, Misunderstood in Agony and All ALONE!

  • By Alessandra

    Please send me advise on how to cope with such ignorance in agony, stuck, because you can’t drive… no peripheral vision…. oh yes.. JUST A HEADACH. THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE WRONG!!!

  • By Nancy Harris Bonk Moderator

    Hi Alessandra,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry to hear your friend is less than understanding. Unfortunately that happens a lot. I’ve lost a number of friends due to migraine, which is not uncommon.

    We know migraine is not simply a headache, but many in the general public don’t seem to understand this. Dealing with migraine can be tough enough, having to deal with ignorant people doesn’t help.

    Your timing is perfect, we put up this article ‘5 tips when migraines endanger friendships’ that may be helpful;

    I think anyone with a chronic illness does well to talk with a professional, we aren’t born to cope with chronic disease. My counselor has been a tremendous help dealing with these similar issues.

    I hope that helps, let me know.

    • By rockymountainhigh

      Someone who hasn’t experienced a severe migraine cannot understand what you are going through. One experience that most people can relate to is a brain freeze from eating something cold too fast. That is the example I give people and tell them now imagine having a brain freeze that lasts for hours or days not just a few seconds. Or imagine feeling the pain of an ice pick going into the top of your head for hours, then in addition to the pain your vision is severely impaired. I have had the experience of someone thinking I am a hypochondriac because I avoid certain foods to prevent the migraines added on to the fact that I am a celiac. Believe me you are not alone and hang in there Alessandra.

  • By melindas

    living with migraines for most of my life(35 of 40 years) I have gained and lost many friends…not my fault, you just have to remember that. the word friend has become not what is used to be when I was younger. a friend should be someone who is with you through thick and thin(you have to be the same to them also). if you don’t have friends in your circle that you can talk to and count on in the difficult headache times, try making new friends at a support group or at your headache specialists office(I have two very good friends I met in the neurologists office). there is always someone who you will have to explain things to, but it is your choice what you tell them. I try to tell my friends who don’t understand just what I think they can handle, like what I may need from them during a headache or what my headache situation is at the time so they know what I am feeling. no one is a mind reader and some people just can’t handle taking care of another person. just remember that you just can’t help everybody and they can’t help you. keep your good friends who understand close and consider the others as they treat you

  • By MM

    Alessandra, loneliness is just another terrible consequence of chronic migraine. Even friends and family who love you and are compassionate eventually, naturally begin to forget you when you more often than not cannot join in social events. I come from a large boisterous fun family. I am very sensitive to both light and sound. I truly cannot stay in a room when there are various loud conversations or loud music or bright overhead lighting. I had to go on disability about 4 years ago because of how much work I missed due to migraines. I just try to find ways to be happy with my own company on the days that I don’t have or am not recovering from migraine. It helps me to think of those who live alone in rural spots. This invisible disability has changed my life completely and since I really don’t see it getting any better I want to find a way to live positively when I can. My family and friends still love me and i try to keep them close. This site truly helps me along with my extremely supportive doctor.

  • By kid7

    I totally understand what you are going through. Just recently I finally had a doctor agree with me and tell me that I have chronic migraines. Everyone else (doctors included) told me that I was just having headaches and that the normal medications should work, which they never did. I have had these chronic migraines since I was five (I am now 21) and they have been getting significantly worse as I’ve gotten older. Very early on I realized that people don’t understand pain (especially when they don’t see the cause and it’s so often). In early elementary I learned to be on my own. I hated it but didn’t want to fight with people and try to prove that I really was in pain. I’ve had teaches and professors tell me that I am lying and just trying to get out of class or work that was supposed to be completed. Many of my friends actually grew up with me so they are now used to my migraines and don’t give me any trouble about it. But, for most of my elementary and middle school years I really didn’t have friends. The only thing I could do was keep smiling (even when I really couldn’t) and try to make my problems as little as possible. I know that’s not very encouraging but hopefully that friend of yours will finally realize that this is a much bigger deal than “just a headache”.