Over the years, I’ve had many friends who never know what to say other than “That sucks.” And I accept that, because I know they care. It’s ok for them to not say anything on how to help. Nowadays, usually they tell me to lay down and just rest it off.
But then I have that one friend who seems to know all the solutions. One time when she was over, I got a migraine. i told her she could stay, but I was going to lay down and wait until my meds kicked in. She would not leave me alone. She kept telling me, “We need to go for a walk, get your blood pumping, you need to breathe fresh air.” And I don’t know how I got her to understand that I just needed to lay down and not talk.
Now, that same friend is telling me exactly what I need to do to make the pain better. So far she’s told me to meditate, ignore the pain by feeling the pain and knowing it’s temporary (which it isn’t, I’m chronic right now, and I’m not taking medication because I’m in a terrible rebound cycle from the meds), I need to breathe also, and I just need to forget about it.
I love her, don’t get me wrong, but she literally has no idea what she’s talking about. It frustrates me so much because I also get that from my boyfriends mom. She tells me that being able to talk with a migraine isn’t possible because she had one once so she knows what she’s talking about. His parents call me a downer because I’m unhappy after I have my migraines. And when I’m talking, that’s because the pain is a little tolerable so I can get up and actually talk. But I’m still in pain. Half the time I’m forcing myself to talk.
I love that my friend cares, but it really bothers me that she thinks she knows what she’s talking about. And the only thing I can think of is to show her some of the articles on this site because I guess when I talk about it, she thinks I’m angry. But I’m really not, I’m just trying to tell her what she’s saying isn’t true, but I do appreciate that she cares.
When we were younger, she would just listen. Now that we’re both adults, all she does is try and give me solutions.