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Living with someone who doesn't understand

  • By akeeling

    Hello! I’m Anna-Marie and I’m new to the forum….I got here during a google search about migraines. Anyways! So Hi um I’m 30 years old with ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression. I get migraines at least once or twice a month and even if there are warning signs before the migraine hits I usually don’t notice or pay attention to what’s going on until I suddenly wake up and I’m in pain…..which I’m pretty sure is part of being ADHD. I noticed that for me my emotions tend to trigger migraine attacks. For example, last night my mom and I got into a HUGE fight about the way she’s been treating me recently. I went to bed in tears because she just would not listen to me and when I woke up this morning my head hurt and I was feeling like I was going to throw up. I took my medications for my ADHD and migraines and then went and took a warm shower before going back to bed for a bit. Mom came into my room and asked me why I was still in bed when I was supposed to be taking her to a Dr. appointment. I told her I was feeling sick and suddenly she started raging at me about how I was unreliable and never did anything for her….EXCUSE ME MOM! But seriously ever since she had her shoulder surgery earlier this month I have been taking care of her nonstop much to the point of ignoring my own health….which is probably why I started having migraine symptoms today. It took a while for my medications to kick in and stop the attack but now that it’s stopped I feel drained and hungry and like I needed to share this story though I don’t know any of you…haha sorry but this is still kind of a new thing for me to be doing yet I’m hoping others around here might understand what I’m going through. Anyways does anyone else have to live with someone who doesn’t seem to understand what a migraine is? My mom seems to get Migraine confused with Eye Strain because her thing to me is “Oh I don’t feel sorry for you. If you weren’t always on your computer or talking to people on your phone you wouldn’t get these headaches” Um okay so you mean you want me to stop filling out job applications when you’re pushing me to find work after a major mental breakdown? Cool but nah I’m going to keep looking for work because the sooner I find work….yeah. And as for the phone calls? well heh I do have a right to talk to my therapist. So yeah I am starting to feel better now with the meds working but I’m still feeling pretty angry that instead of letting me rest and take care of me when I feel a migraine coming on….she seems to enjoy doing everything she can just to make me feel worse faster. Everyone knows that screaming in a migraine sufferer’s ear just makes things worse! I swear I’m not selfish or spoiled or anything just trying to make things make sense….

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  • By glassmind

    Whew! It sounds like you have a lot of challenges.

    Welcome to the community. (:

    You’ll find many people here have co-morbid (or more than one) condition.

    Also, “let-down” migraine is real and you’ll find others here, including myself, who have emotional rebound/emotional stress triggered migraines.

    For many also eye straine and computer use can trigger or worsen migraine. Nearly unavoidable in modern life, ajusting the screens or using special glasses can help.

    I experienced my first dibilitating migraine about three years ago and have gotten better at noticing the “warning signs”, but still get bulldozed by migraine at times. It’s good that you notice them at all. I encourage you to respect those warning signs and take immediate care of yourself whenever possible.

    It isn’t always possible, though, right? I’ve been at the hospital with a sick relative and at that moment, my own looming migraine has to take back burner. I end up sufferring worse later. Alas.

    Illness, sever illness, and chronic illness can take a heavy toll on any relationship. It’s extra difficult if both people are experiencing a health concern. I speak from experience as nearly everyone in my family has a major chronic health issue. It can be very hard to stay civil, polite, and show love when hurting.

    I encourage you to continue to reach out as you have here and find support both for your health and in your role as care giver for your mom while she is recovery.

    Thank you for sharing your experience. Every story told raises awareness of the challenges and complexity of migraine and helps create this supportive community.

    May you have relief and peace.

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  • By Martha Growdon Moderator

    Hi Anna-Marie. Welcome to the community. I’m so glad you found us.

    First, I want to assure you that you’re not alone in any of this. There are so many articles and stories on our website. I’ll give you links to just a few of them to help give you resources for getting started.

    First, emotional stress is absolutely a recognized migraine trigger: https://migraine.com/migraine-triggers/ and family members who don’t understand or who reinforce the stigma of migraine (https://migraine.com/expert/re-framing-migraine/) are a significant source of emotional stress (https://migraine.com/blog/family-and-friends-that-do-not-understand-migraine-disease/).

    I hope these articles give you a place to start connecting with this community and knowing that you’re not alone. We see you. You are enough.

    -Martha
    Migraine.com Team

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