I’ve had migraines my entire life and just recently have been diagnosed with chronic pain.
I am having a very hard time. It’s hard for me to fulfill an entire week of work. It’s hard for me to keep social obligations – I cannot commit to anything because I am bound by my pain.
It’s gotten to the point now where I am having an extremely hard time getting out to bed in the morning. I don’t see a point carrying on with my day to day activities when I know the end result is going to be pain. I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to get out of bed in the morning and go to work because I feel such intense guilt for not being ‘reliable’. The guilt I feel is killing my motivation to lead a normal life in the days I am in slightly less pain.
Anyone have any tips or tricks for the intense feeling of guilt that comes with migraines? I am at my wits end.
i first want to welcome you, you have taken the first step (by finding this forum and asking your fellow sufferers for help). now you can begin to heal, but please don’t give up. my story is long and arduous but the short version is that i have had many types of migraines for 38 of my (so far) 41 years on this earth…suffering, guilt, lack of motivation(oh boy), missing out on important things, been at my wits end (more times than imaginable), spending days in bed, getting dirty looks from co-workers, lost hours at work, doctors that don’t believe i’m sick at all, being over-medicated….long list.
this kind of life is hard to live because of how hard we are on ourselves. you have to cut yourself some slack, no one can do it all. you have to find yourself a neurologist who specialist in migraines (hard to do but it is possible) and work with him/her to get some kind of relief. every day is going to be a ride on the struggle bus, but you are the only one who can decide how long that ride will be.
stay involved with this website because it will give something to do and will be a great help to your life long recovery in the migraine world. there is a lot of help here for you and its great that you have started the journey.
my biggest motivation is that life is really short and i truly understand that..my mom passed away at age 57 after just three months with colon cancer. i know that with my migraine history my days may be more shortly numbered than some others, so i want to be here as long as i can. i have learned that some stuff really doesn’t matter as much as you might think (laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, etc). i have learned to just do the best i can with what i got…get up and decide what you really feel is important for that day and just do your best to do that. just remember that what you should do are things that will make a difference in your day because you can never get time back…forget the laundry and have a starbucks with your friends in the evening (because the mornings are to bright for you); forget the dishes and walk the dog at lunch time because the dog helps you relax; forget the missed day of work and go to your neighbors and talk about the neighborhood happenings because you are home so much you need to be in touch with whats going on around you. i have a 19 year old daughter and believe me i’ve missed out on a lot, but when i knew that i had to do something for her at school, i would medicate, get to it and suffer later…just can’t get back those firsts.
i have also found that keeping a journal has helped me a lot…track foods, weather, meds, triggers, things i did, thughts i had…no one can spread that info about you because its written only for you. it is my safe place to keep my good , bad and ugly but keeps me sane. not only is it therapeutic but its a good way to look back on my progress.
so true in life is the fact that people are going to talk, so you can’t give a care about what they are going to say…everyone has issues. i have been passed over for promotions more than once in my 20 years at my current job because i am “not reliable”…those they chose instead never lasted though (i’m just saying). i have done my best when i am there and when i’m not, i just don’t care what they say. i would rather be known for my migraines making me unreliable than being called a brown-noser or gossip or incompetent. the workplace is just that..a workplace. we have bigger issues in our lives than workplace bologna..do your best and just get that paycheck.
let yourself go a little, no one has a “normal” life…our migraine normal is different than anything one would call normal. your normal is different from my normal and my normal is different from another migraine sufferers normal. normal is the best you can do with what you have to work with for the day. sometimes my normal is just eating, taking the dog out and sleeping in my dark cool room for the day. no one wants the grumpy nauseous squinty-eyed me paining around them being a humbug, so i do what i can not to poo on anyone elses day. i can live with that and lucky for me my people understand that.
remember that both guilt and motivation are just two of the emotions we can have on any given day…just choose to find some happier emotions but don’t beat yourself when those are the only ones you can come up with for that day. live with emotion but don’t let emotion take over your life. its seems cliche but that’s just something i do…i like quotes and passing them on (that makes me feel happy).
stay in touch with all of us here on migraine.com…we are here for you and good luck on your journey through life living with migraine and dealing with it the best way you know how.
You are very welcome. I do the best i can with what i got. Today wasn’t the best but i thought i should check in on my fellow migraine sufferers. The weather where i live is very hot and stormy lately so my head is under attack, but I take my meds and try to do some stuff but today no way. I hope your day went better than mine