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My relationship is hurting.

  • By theclayr

    I am 33 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been together a year now and my health continues to deteriorate and it is taking a toll on our relationship. I feel so guilty. I think I should let him off the hook and potentially anyone else by just staying single. I love him so much, but he should be out and having fun with his girlfriend on cool trips, concerts and bars. I wish I could do these things myself even if I did not have a boyfriend. I am getting so depressed and I don’t think I can live like this much longer. I am even afraid of my ability to keep a job. I do not know what to do.

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  • By Nancy Harris Bonk Moderator

    Hi theclayr,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am however, sorry to hear things are difficult right now. In addition to the information I’m going to share with you below, I encourage you to get support either online and in-person – you deserve it! Support can come from the medical community as well as counselors and online and in-person support groups. Living with chronic illness is hard and I see my counselor every few months for an “emotional tune up” so to speak. If you’re not feeling safe, I wanted to share the National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255 and this link to live chat; https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

    Being depressed can play a big role in how we feel when living with chronic illness. I’d like to encourage you to speak with your doctor about how you are feeling, they are there to help. When experiencing depression, it’s hard not to get down on ourselves and others.

    I know many of us with chronic illness feel guilty about not “being there” for our loved ones. Have you had a chance to speak to him about this topic? It’s not easy expressing how we feel to our partners, but in my opinion, its a vital part of a good relationship. Let me share information with you on how some of our advocates deal with their relationships; https://migraine.com/living-migraine/home-life-needs-balance/
    https://migraine.com/living-migraine/intimacy-migraines/
    https://migraine.com/blog/getting-romantic-partner/.

    Please let me know how you are doing and I hope this helps!
    Nancy

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