Forums


Living with Migraine

Parenting while migraining

  • By Tara

    I have an eight year old. I also have chronic migraines and possibly fybromyalgia. I am super lucky to have a husband that supports me and lets me rest when I really need to. My daughter is even empathetic and knows when Mommy needs dark and quiet.

    Even still, I am plagued with guilt. Even embarrassment. I think to myself, what kind of mom goes to bed at 5:15 when her husband gets home and doesn’t interact with her daughter until bed time? What kind of mom sits around so much because it hurts to move? What kind of mom ditches family and social events because of the pain? Me. I’m that kind of mom. And that makes me sad.

    I try to look on the bright side, I’m also the kind of mom that is aggressively seeking treatment and willing to try just about anything so things can change. I just hope that as my daughter gets older she doesn’t develop resentment toward me for missing out on things in her life.

    Do you get the guilt? How do you deal?

    Reply Created with Sketch. reply
  • By Nancy Harris Bonk Moderator

    Hi Tara,

    Thank you for sharing your personal journey with us and being part of the Migraine.com discussion forum.

    I first want to let you know you’re not alone. Parenting with chronic migraine or any other chronic illness is not easy and as difficult as it is, you’re NOT a bad parent. I can tell you I spent many days in bed when my children were youngsters and I specifically remember the guilt I felt. I did the best I could under the circumstances, and my children (adults now) are awesome – compassionate, empathetic and understanding people. While I wouldn’t choose to have migraine and other chronic conditions, my children wouldn’t be who they are today without it. We don’t consciously make a choice to have chronic illness, but we can choose how to live with it, which is easier said than done.

    I had an excellent support network, my then husband and very dear friend helped me keep things together. Without them, I’m pretty sure things would have been different. I also saw my counselor who specializes in chronic pain, on a regular basis. Together we developed skills for coping with the guilt and grief chronic illness brings. If you haven’t spoken with someone, I would encourage you to do so – a dear friend, pastor, counselor, or whomever. I’m not suggesting you’ll be seeing someone forever, I don’t. I see her when I need a “tune up” so to speak.

    We have a number of articles that may be helpful you can find in these links; https://migraine.com/blog/tips-survive-early-years-parenthood-live-chronic-migraine/
    https://migraine.com/blog/doesnt-bad-parent/
    https://migraine.com/migraine-and-mental-health/parenting-tips/.

    I hope this helps, please let me know how you are doing.
    Nancy

    Reply Created with Sketch. reply