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Living with Migraine

Suicidal Migraineur

  • By Cynthia

    I feel ashamed just typing out the word suicidal. I’ve had migraines for over 2 decades, I’m 23. I can’t work. It is fall now, my migraine season, so now the house is trashed because I can’t even do simple housework. If my head is behaving for a few hours out of the entire week, I don’t even feel like cleaning anymore. Its not due to laziness. It’s due to hopelessness.

    I don’t see my headache specialist anymore because I’ve been on almost everything but Botox. Yes, that one medicine that has worked really well for your friend, I have tried and it didn’t work. And no, I don’t want to hear about how after you got knocked up your migraines magically went away. I don’t want to try another medicine and have horrible side effects and pay out the @$$ for it since health insurance is nothing but a joke. I don’t want to go to my doctor and listen to him tell me “Well, I can’t control the weather.” I’ve been to the best neurologists in the state, I have. They’re pushy, don’t listen to you telling them you can’t handle the dose and don’t care. I’ve been trying MY WHOLE LIFE to get better but I can’t. I have no life. No ambitions. I make nothing of myself because all I am is some pale girl that stays at home her whole life because too much excitement like going to the grocery store can make her body become a sack of potatoes due to migraine. I feel ashamed. I feel useless. And I don’t know what to do. Its a never ending cycle. I want to be good enough to have a life, a career, an education. But I don’t see it ever happening. I’ve failed at so much in my life, I’m scared. I’m so scared that I’ll always be like this. I’m scared to wake up in the morning and feel the pain, the dizziness, the weakness on the left side. I just recently got married, this should be the happiest time in my life, my peak. But I feel so low.

    I’m sorry, I feel like a whiny girl but I felt that I had to get something out right away or else the dark thoughts would consume me and I’d do something stupid. I wish I didn’t have people that loved me so much so I wouldn’t have a reason to be here anymore. I know that sounds horrible or ungrateful but its the truth.

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  • By Teri Robert

    Cynthia,

    It’s OK to be scared. Truthfully, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t at least somewhat scared, given your situation.

    Before I write more, there’s a page on our site that I want you to take a look at, pretty please? Take a look at
    Migraine Crisis? Get Help
    .

    If you are thinking about harming yourself, please call 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-SUICIDE or go to the emergency room for help.

    Having been in such a similar situation myself, I do understand your long section about what you don’t want to do. Here’s the problem though – you deserve to get your life back and improve your quality of life, and that does require you to do some things for yourself.

    If, at your age, your Migraine specialist says you’ve tried “almost everything but Botox,” you need a new specialist. There are so many possible Migraine preventive treatments today that giving all of them a fair trial would take in excess of 25 years of trying a new one every three months. That’s a fact that I hold on to very tightly when I’m upset by still having too many Migraines despite all the treatments I’ve tried.

    In case you don’t already know, neurologists aren’t necessarily Migraine specialists, and Migraine specialist aren’t necessarily neurologists. Please take a few minutes to read

    How Are Migraine Specialists Different?

    There are other links I could give you, but I don’t want to overwhelm you.

    If you’re in danger, please get help. There really is hope for all of us to get better as long as we don’t give up.

    Keep talking with us!

    sending you a very gentle hug,
    Teri

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  • By Nancy Harris Bonk Moderator

    Hi Cynthia,

    I wanted to check in a see how you are doing – how are you? Please don’t ever be sorry to express how you feel – keeping it all in isn’t good for us.

    As a person with many chronic conditions, I completely understand your feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. Something that I think is extremely important for anyone who has a chronic illness is to have a bit of counseling. I have seen a counselor who specializes in chronic illness, and it was extremely helpful.

    Please let us know how you are doing,
    Nancy

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  • By Cynthia

    thanks guys. im doing better. making myself do things now instead of letting the darkness suck me in. thank you for your kind words, has helped my heart.

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  • By mymaybelife

    I am depressed often for similar reasons. I am 31 and im not reliable for anything, luckily family and hubby are very supportive. I hope u can find support. I talk to therapist about the guilt, worry, and frustration and it is a huge help. I recently married and am unable to work, or do anything regularly. Mine are triggered by back pain/neck and hormones. I try to stay ahead each month so when Im sick I wont fall behind in everthing. Its a game and im not running it. I have bad side affects with the Rxs and the Dr.s dont have other answers. I cant seek alternative care since I have no income. We just have to do our best and not beat our selves up. Im sorry u feel this way and I hope u find an outlet. You are not alone, this site is wonderful.

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    • By mkeawsh

      mymaybelife,

      I totally understand about not working. Would love to get a part-time job now that the kids are out of the house. It would help so much and I wouldn’t feel so guilty seeing my husband go off to work at 4 in the morning. But would be a totally unreliable employee and will not do that to a company. My kids and husband have always been wonderfully supportive, loving, patient and understanding of my malady. If I see one good thing that has come out of this is that my kids are very patient and sympathetic to anyone who is ill or in need of assistance and are willing to help in any way.

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  • By mkeawsh

    Totally understand the feeling. Fourteen years ago, I was in the third day, lying in bed with the bucket on the floor in my totally dark room. The depression was overwhelming when I could even think about this through the pain. I decide that my husband could take care of our 13 year old son and my 2 daughters were young but working, so everything was covered. If I could have moved off the bed I would not be writing this today.
    The next day, finally pain free but wore out, I realized what I was determined to do the day before and it scared the heck out of me. I immediately call my PCP and asked for names of neurologists. The first was a mean man who would get mad every time I would read my log to him at each appointment. Insisting that what he was doing should be working. So, needed some one who did not think they were “god”. My current Dr. researches and will have different suggestions or RXs that he tries me on and HE LISTENS and doesn’t say a word until I am done speaking each time.
    Of course, none of the RXs have actually worked but I do keep a bottle of Imitrex in my purse and try it every time. I know I am delusional but it’s a hopeful mind game for me.
    These last two days, to no avail I took them and of course I vomited them up in the thralls of the migraine. It’s always that little wishful thinking that it may work that keeps me sane. I lay there wondering how a body can even stay alive in such a horrid state.

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    • By Ellen Schnakenberg

      mkeawsh

      Did you know that you don’t have to take your medicine by mouth? Sumatriptan comes in an injectable that is usually covered by insurance. Have you tried it before?

      Like you, nausea and vomiting are a real problem for me, as is reflux and about every other digestive issue you can think of. As a result, I highly recommend considering compounding your medication if you can’t find a way to take it in a way that it will help you. Here are some links I think you might find interesting:

      How can I keep my Migraine medicines down so they will work? https://migraine.com/blog/how-can-i-keep-my-migraine-medicines-down-so-they-will-work/

      What is a compounding pharmacy? https://migraine.com/blog/what-is-a-compounding-pharmacy/

      Selecting a pharmacy: https://migraine.com/blog/selecting-a-quality-compounding-pharmacy/

      I really think it’s important to remember that you didn’t want to die, you wanted to be out of pain. There is a difference mentally and emotionally for a lot of patients when they realize that difference. Seeking help is vital, and talking to your family so they know what you’re feeling is also important.

      I’m SO glad you have a doc who listens and works with you. Congratulations, as that is often the biggest and most difficult leap of all in this Migraine journey!

      Please keep in touch and let us know how you’re doing, okay?

      ~Ellen

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  • By Katie M. Golden Moderator

    Mkeawsh,
    Having a doctor that you feel is on your side is so important to your mental well-being as well as your physical! Your story shows that you have amazing courage and strength. Thanks for sharing your story of desparation and hope!
    -Katie

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  • By mkeawsh

    Ellen,
    Thank you for the links. I will call them up and talk to my Dr. about an injectable. I believe he has talked to me about them in the past, but I am so in denial, thinking the last migraine I had is the LAST FOREVER, that I don’t always think about going forward in meds.

    Katie,
    Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and looking forward. Sometimes it is very hard and depressing.

    There are not any people I know around where I live that get migraines per se – it is quite rural and the ones I do bring up migraines will tell me how they had a migraine the other day that took a whole hour to go away etc. etc. That kind of thinking. It takes everything I have to hold my tongue and just smile at them. It is very frustrating to have people not understand what is a migraine and to minimize it. I would love to have a migraine for just an hour. <sigh>

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  • By Cynthia

    I hate to be one of those people, but I am now.

    I no longer suffer from migraines.

    The most I have are level 5 headaches during stormy days. NO hemiplegic episodes in about 3 months. I saw my psychologist a few months ago because I was getting suicidal again. The winter was horrible. I had 20 years of the migraines and I was done. HE immediately looked at my symptoms and told me I was hypoglycemic and needed to cut out sugar and caffeine. Caffeine is the worst thing a migraine sufferer can do. It literally sucks the magnesium out of your brain, and most migraine people are magnesium deficient. So I’m also taking magnesium. I now have to eat small meals every 3 hours. Protein protein protein. Every time I felt a migraine coming on was 9/10 my blood sugar being low and/or not having enough protein in me.

    I’m not saying this is what’s wrong with any of you, most likely its not. But trying magnesium wouldn’t hurt.

    I now have a full time job that is physically demanding and I haven’t missed a day or gone home early due to migraines. My husband and I are actually able to start saving for a house now.

    When I was suffering I would loathe the people that told me their success stories. I hated the phrase, “Oh yeah I used to have migraines” and then followed by their cure that I’ve already tried and didn’t work. So now I’m one of those people I hated. My hemiplegic migraine community doesn’t talk to me anymore now that I’m healthy. Seems silly but that’s heartbreaking for me. They were there for everything, they helped me through a lot. But now that I’m better…

    I didn’t want to brag or try to push anything on you guys. Just letting you know that I am no longer suicidal. And if someone that has been suffering since they were 2 with migraines can find relief, there has to be some sliver of hope out there for you too. I wish you all nothing but the very best and my heart breaks for you all still suffering at home everyday, trapped by your pain and thoughts. Much love to you all.

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    • By mkeawsh

      That is GREAT Cynthia! Congratulations. I am so HAPPY FOR YOU!! You’re a sweetheart for all your suggestions. Don’t worry about your hemiplegic community. It is hard not to envy someone that has defeated the migraine beast. 🙂

      Have already cut out caffeine, still take exorbitant amounts of magnesium for a long time to no avail. I was very disappointed it didn’t work. As far as protein, since having 80+ free ranging chickens, I eat a lot of eggs – protein – with my sodium nitrate free bacon – more protein – every day for breakfast and usually an egg sandwich for lunch. Then always have protein with supper. Tried doing the small meals through out the day and did not work either. Don’t have sweets in the house because they are too tempting, so consuming sugar is out. Drink a lot of well water – about a gallon a day. I do everything that is suggested. I have had migraines for over 40 years and have a niece that started developing them at the age of five. My son gets them. My mom, grandpa, uncles were all migraine sufferers.

      Changing weather triggers them too but there isn’t much I can do about that.

      My daughter has gotten many suggestions from migraine sufferers on FB and I try them all.

      Thanks again.

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  • By Kerrie Smyres Moderator

    That’s wonderful news, Cynthia! That you’ve found releif is an inspiration to others who are still searching for treatment. We might be a little envious, but your good fortunate doesn’t preclude that we may also have success one day. I’m sorry some others haven’t been able to celebrate with you.

    I’m so glad to see you’re enjoying your treatment success. I, too, have recently had some treatment success and it has been exhilarating and a little overwhelming, but absolutely wonderful.

    Kerrie

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  • By cydyth

    This really isn’t a reply; it’s a question. What do you do when your MDs have given up. I’ve had them all and very good ones to. But it seems there is no solution to my chronic unrelenting migraine and I have no family to inspire me to keep going. What now?

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    • By Katie M. Golden Moderator

      Cindyth,
      If your doctors have given up, then you have the wrong doctors. There is always something new to try. A new combination of meds or getting off meds that aren’t working for you. So as much of a pain as it is, you need a new doctor and specifically a headache specialist. This article gives some great resources in planning next steps.
      https://migraine.com/blog/making-decision-see-headache-specialist/

      Additionally, I’ve had to learn that doctors don’t have all the answers. Taking control of your care is just as important as having a good doctor. Are you interested in biofeedback, acupuncture, yoga, changing your diet? The doctor can guide you, but they can’t do the work for you. You’ll feel more empowered when you research and make some decisions about what you want your care to look like.
      I wish you the best!
      -Katie

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  • By Delaney

    Cynthia,

    You say you’ve tried everything but Botox… is there a reason you haven’t tried Botox? When you are suffering that badly I think it is worth giving treatments with some evidence behind them a try (as opposed to snake oil.)

    You are not alone in your feelings. Please let us know how you are doing.

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    • By Varvara

      I can’t speak for anyone else; however, I would never try Botox, either. As desperate as I am to do anything for relief, I won’t try something that could potentially make me feel worse and/or have long-term harmful consequences. The thought terrifies me.

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  • By Delaney

    Are you speaking for OP, cydyth?
    There would be no long-term studies on any therapies that haven’t been around for the long term, right? But as long as you bring a positive, supportive attitude to the table… that makes it all worthwhile!

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  • By Leslie

    I’m sorry to share this on here but I really don’t know where to turn anymore. I don’t want to burden my family any longer and I don’t want to put my wonderful husband or daughter through hell any longer!!! My migraine pain started 2 1/2 months after my husband and I married so I feel like I’ve ruined his life….like he should have found someone else to marry….someone who could ride bikes with him and do the things with him I can’t anymore!

    I have pain 24 hours and I’m so tired of hurting all the time!!! The doctors can’t figure out what is wrong with me. I’ve been poked with needles and stuffed with meds to the point that I’m like a zombie and a pin cushion!!! I know I haven’t hadn’t migraines as long as some people have but I’m so tired of the pain…I truly want it to end!!! And I think my husband deserves a life of happiness….without me, without the pain, without the negative vibes in the house…..it would just be better without me.

    I’m sorry to be so negative but it’s just so hard to be in pain all of the time…..I try to be positive and do things with my friends and family. I can only keep up the charade for so long. What can I do??

    I really need some help!!!!

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    • By The Migraine Girl Moderator

      Dear lmasher,

      First of all, I’m so sorry to hear about the emotional and physical pain you are in. It is already hard to live with migraine disease, and it’s doubly difficult to know that your loved ones are also being affected. Please remember that you have a judgment-free community here at Migraine.com and we want to talk with you about all facets of migraine disease, including the depression that can accompany this illness.

      I want to share two quotations from a months-old post that Teri Robert shared with a reader who was suffering from feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts.

      1. “Take a look at
      Migraine Crisis? Get Help: https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-crisis-help/

      If you are thinking about harming yourself, please call 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-SUICIDE or go to the emergency room for help.”

      2. “In case you don’t already know, neurologists aren’t necessarily Migraine specialists, and Migraine specialist aren’t necessarily neurologists. Please take a few minutes to read

      How Are Migraine Specialists Different? https://migraine.com/blog/how-are-migraine-specialists-different/

      Check back in with us when you’re able. Until then, know that you are not alone.

      Gentle hugs,
      Janet G.
      “The Migraine Girl”

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  • By cydyth

    I am in sympathy with lmasher. same problem but no husband or kids to comfort me. Have had migraines most days since February. House is a mess. Outside is a mess. Got another one today. CAN’T STAND IT MUCH LONGER!

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    • By The Migraine Girl Moderator

      Dear cydyth,

      It sounds like you’re feeling isolated, and that feeling is magnified by your chronic migraine from the last few months. Please check out the links I shared with lmasher above, and remember that even if we don’t know you in real life, your fellow migraineurs here on Migraine.com make up a very real community of people who are here to listen. We care about you and want you to feel better emotionally and physically.

      Let us know how you’re doing this week, and we’ll be thinking of you.

      If you’re considering hurting yourself, please read this article (https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-crisis-help/) and/or call 1-800-SUICIDE immediately. You are not alone.

      Gentle hugs,
      Janet G.
      “The Migraine Girl”

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  • By Anthony

    I have chronic daily migraine/headache with what my doctors call atypical symptoms. My girlfriend of 9 years broke up with me, I almost killed myself, lost 20 pounds, pretty much stopped eating, and lost hope. BUT, I am still here. I still have faith and hope that this is happening for a reason and my friends and family have been supportive. I wouldn’t wish my illness on my worst enemy. The most important thing is to stay positive and keep going no matter what. I know it’s hard, but trust me, don’t give up. Life is worth living, even if all we get to enjoy are simple moments each day. Know that you are not alone in your struggle and the community here is here to listen and help you. I believe there is a reason for our suffering and remember that you are strong. Having to endure this headache everyday has made me a much stronger person than I was before. Hang in there!

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  • By cydyth

    Those are nice thoughts but,. Everyday I wake up to some new fresh hell. The framing on my 8 yr old windows has dry-rotted – this will cost a fortune. Last night, a tree, a very large tree, from the property across the street fell, knocked out my power lines which came close to hitting my car, knocked down some trees on my property and left a large mess to clean. The people who live there won’t care – they’re just renting. AND, a spec developer is trying his best, with constant harassment, to encroach on my garden to enlarge his property – he trampled some lovely plants to death, topped off a rhodendron and cut down a laurel. This I have reported to the police. Of course I have a headache, who wouldn’t? And I can’t find my keys. I am not getting stronger. I just want to go to bed and stay there.

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  • By Anthony

    Cydyth, unfortunately I cannot take away your pain, but I do empathize with your situation. All I can do really is offer words of support and say a prayer for you which I will do. A friend sent me this article recently and it has some good words of wisdom. As with everything we read, take what resonates with you and leave the rest. Remember, Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. Here’s to hoping tomorrow is a better day for you and I!

    13 things to remember when life gets rough

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  • By Leslie

    Cydyth,
    I too understand how you are feeling! It seems like when it rains it pours!! My chronic pain has gotten worse over the last week. And after going through a new gamete of testing with a new doc. his suggestion is to try Botox or for him to refer me. I’ve gone through 2 1/2 years of being stuck with needles, given enough pills to zombie-fy me for almost 2 years, in and out of the hospital, many new drs. and even gone through shock therapy….nothing has worked so why do they think Botox will work?? More needles, pain and bruises! Ugh!!

    I really feel like if this doesn’t work, I’m done trying. No more doctors and drugs for me, I’ll just learn to live with the pain. Hopefully I can still be productive enough in my family that they won’t be more discouraged with me. This is just so frustrating!!!

    Then two days ago I had a crown break…very expensive and we don’t have dental insurance! Next Monday my daughter is having surgery, which I’m hoping insurance will cover most of so I don’t have a big bill! And now 3 weeks before she goes back to college, the government is asking for a bunch of forms to re-determine her financial aid! If they take it away, I could have a $3,000 – $4,000 bill that has to be paid before the 25th!!!

    When it rains it pours but I do think things will work out the way God wants them too. My suggestion is…which I’m listening to myself….is to take things one at a time. Deal with one problem at a time and then move to the next one. It’s much less overwhelming to take 1 at a time then to deal with everything at once. And Awest is right, there is always tomorrow!!

    I will admit that I’m having issues with just wanting to stay in the bed, or should I just pack things up and leave. I feel like my family would be better off with me gone. It’s tough not give up but I am trying to keep it together and just deal one day at a time, one hour at a time, till hopefully things get better. The pain is terrible and I feel like a burden to my family but I keep getting up and pushing through each day. What else can I do??

    Hang in there! You aren’t alone in your pain… and I find that nice to remember!!

    Leslie

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  • By The Migraine Girl Moderator

    In addition to sharing thoughts here in the forum, I would recommend that anyone who has chronic health issues such as migraine think of talking to a counselor or therapist. Dealing with chronic illness is a tremendous burden, and when other factors (problems at home, stress at work, etc.) are introduced, the weight can be too heavy to handle by yourself. Many counseling centers offer discounts or sliding scale options so that even the most cash-strapped clients can afford to go talk to someone who is there just for YOU. It’s totally worth it. Take care, everyone, and please know you’re not alone.

    With fondness,
    Janet G.
    “The Migraine Girl”

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  • By Varvara

    Because talking really hurts me, this website has been a blessing and an incredible source of support. I’ve experienced some form of migraine for years; however, about 5 years ago, I was on medical leave from work because of non-stop, blinding, debilitating migraines. During that period, I thought of committing suicide every single day. That’s not an easy thing to admit. My father committed suicide when I was about 4 years old and I never considered that an option for me. I know what it does to those left behind. But…when you have relentless pain that feels like torture for months on end, death sounds wonderful.

    I finally came to the realization that, if I couldn’t inflict such a violent act on someone else, I certainly wouldn’t be able to do that to myself. Even so, I always know I’m in for a bad, multi-day migraine when I start fantasizing about dying (it’s almost as if the thought is the pre-migraine aura). Now I’ve just learned to accept that it’s my main form of meditation.

    Last week, I had a horrible migraine and was home from work for four days (which leaves me feeling like a failure and overwhelmed when I finally do make it back to work). I didn’t turn on a TV or computer or any device that keeps one connected to the outside world. However, by the end of the third day, I was fantasizing (meditating) that a doctor told me I had only a month to live and I thought, “Oh, thank god, I don’t have to kill myself”. For some reason, right after that, my mind wandered to Robin Williams and his collection of 50 bicycles and that I collect bikes, too. Later that evening, I was feeling better and turned on streaming Netflix. I was just browsing for something light and funny and clicked on “The Birdcage” with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane. My husband came home and said, “Oh, you must have heard about Robin Williams committing suicide?” What?!? I hadn’t heard anything and started crying (which hurts).

    I have chronic migraines and experience some weird symptom every single day. In the midst of the pain, though, I’ve come to appreciate the fact that, while every noise, smell, light, touch, gust of wind, change in weather or hormones, etc…(ad nauseum – pun intended), hurts terribly and leaves me helpless to ‘do’ anything, I am in tune with the world we can’t see or hear or touch or smell or taste. And, that’s something to live for.

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  • By Katie M. Golden Moderator

    Varvara,
    It must be hard to have frequent thoughts about your life ending in order to get relief from this pain.I love your statement that if you couldn’t do such a violent act on someone else, you wouldn’t be able to do it to yourself. Having seen the effects of suicide within your own family gives you a unique perspective on the situation. But I’m sure it doesn’t make your daily struggle any easier. Keep fighting. You’re strong!
    -Katie

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  • By Anonymous

    Thank you to all of you for sharing your stories and your thoughts. I am sorry to hear that you are suffering, but having read your thoughts- you are definitely not alone. And you are not failures. Fighting a chronic debilitating disease is a burden, but the world is a better place because you are here, even if you don’t feel that way sometimes. I suffer from bipolar disorder and chronic migraine. And thyroid disease. Many days are a struggle, some months are as well. But there is hope and happiness to be had. I wish you all better days ahead.

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  • By Debs

    I have to admit that yrs ago I did try to take overdose as thought I could no longer continue and didn’t want to be burden the rest of my life.
    HOWEVER I panicked and got help and was able to recover. I panicked because realised I didn’t want to die I just wanted TO BE PAIN FREE!!!

    Yrs on I’m still struggling and if anything migraines have got worse but no matter how bad it gets I keep telling myself I don’t want to die I just want to be pain free!!

    I just take baby steps and every minute that I can fight this then i am winning the battle.

    Love to u all xxx

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  • By Katie M. Golden Moderator

    Debs.oscar,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s courageous to share such a personal part of you. You are right on in saying that you didn’t want to die, you just wanted to be pain free!!!! I think that’s true for so many people! And it’s such an important lesson.

    Keep fighting and we are all here whenever you need us!
    -Katie
    Migraine.com Moderator

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  • By nicole

    I definitely know that feeling of hopelessness, but I know that there are still enough good moments that it is still worth fighting for. The only real thing that keeps me going and helps to drive away my depression and anxiety (although not always) is my faith in God and knowing he can pull me through this; so I just have to keep hope that this unrelenting pain will eventually end or will be used to help others in some way and to glorify God. It’s still very hard though. I can’t imagine what it must be for you guys who have been suffering for many years. I’ve gotten episodic migraines since I was 12, but it has developed into chronic migraine over the last year and a half and I usually get some sort of a headache or migraine nearly every day. The hardest part for me is that I feel like it controls me and it has become my identity because I can’t do anything anymore. When people ask me to go to do fun things with them, I almost always end up having to turn them down, that now they don’t even bother to ask anymore and I’ve lost almost all my friends. I am in my junior year of college as a biology major, and it is the most important thing to me in the world, and the only thing I focus all of my energy on. But sometimes the debilitating days come far too often and school is just so hard I almost dropped out after last semester, but I couldn’t do it because it means too much to mean, and I know if I had quit, it would have sent me into an even deeper depression. I tell myself everyday, “Don’t lose hope, and just make it through one more day.”

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  • By Anthony

    Hi Nicole, I read your story and was like, wow that’s me! I’m older than you (I’ll be 32 this month) and have had headaches since I was 15 or 16. In the past two years they have transformed into chronic daily migraine which really really sucks. I have a strong family history of migraine (mother and sister), so I was a bit unlucky there. I’ve being trying to get out more, but I can only last a few hours before I have to bail and go home to rest. Just the other day I overdid it and knew it at the time (felt like I was going to pass out from the unusual prodrome symptoms I get) but toughed it out because I really enjoyed the company I was with. When I got home, I knew I was going to pay for it and man did I. I was on the verge of going to the ER but just medicated myself like no other and stuck it through. It’s SO tough dealing with this on the daily, but I agree, we must have faith and trust there is a greater plan for our lives. I think I’ve become a stronger, more compassionate and empathic person because of this. Maybe this is my karma for something I’ve done wrong in my life, or maybe a test. Who knows, but yes, don’t lose hope and hang in there!

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  • By cydyth

    Hi All,

    it’s been awhile since my last comment because things were not going well. I am now trying a new add-on medication (1 week so far) for depression which does not relieve migraine but it is relieving my depression. Maybe there is hope in chemistry. Thanks all for your posts.

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    • By Debs

      Cydyth,

      I’m glad you’ve got new meds. Fingers crossed they help. Just take it day at a time.
      If you have bad day just remember tomorrow is new day and fresh start, that’s how I look at it.

      Anytime u want to chat just message me xxxx

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  • By Essence 32

    WOW! I have always felt strange talking about how my migraines make me feel, suicidal and not just once in a while all the time. First, a little history I’m 50 yrs young and have had migraines for over 30 yrs. 30yrs of them chronic migraines and yes I have thought of wanting to end my life everyday. Can you imagine walking around with a 7 migraine everyday, it is torture. It is so nice to here others keeping it real about this subject, because we really feel it even if we really don’t want to follow through. Pain can make you do, say, and think some crazy things. I go to counseling every week to talk about this, I’m in a chronic pain management group as well to talk about these feelings with people who understand. But, nothing replaces that lonely feeling you feel when your in your pain all alone even if there is a house full of people. The pain has no pity it’s a very frightening feeling.

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  • By Janet

    Wow…I wrote an entire email to you…but I guess migraine.com didn’t approve. My best to you.
    Blessings
    Janet Jones

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  • By rarity

    Cynthia, can you let me know where your hemiplegic migraine forum may be found? I would love to connect with some others who share this type of migraine.

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  • By 11:11

    Regarding the OP I’m having difficulty believing someone was diagnosed at 3 years of age with migraines (“I’ve had migraines for 20 years and I’m 23 years old”), and all of a sudden they were cured by addressing hypoglycemia and eliminating caffeine?

    OP never had a workup over a 20 year period and this wasn’t found before? And diet hasn’t been addressed?

    And now 20 years of crippling, debilitating migraines are cured?

    Wow…..

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  • By Mariplay2004

    Omg, I just read your post, and Wow.
    Thruthfully you’re very brave for posting the first one.
    And then thank you for updating us on your status.
    I’m glad your working and saving up for a house.
    Magnesium infusions didn’t work on me. And my protein is level is normal. We haven’t found what’s causing my triggers.

    So, pretty much I’m on the same boat you where faced with, but I have 2 little girls that I love with all my heart and I’m with them all day. So if I haven’t had a migraine by noon for sure the girls will get me there, sad but true!

    🙁

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  • By lisa

    I think about suicide everytime I get a migraine so about 13 times a month how do I find someone to talk to that deals in pain all the time?

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  • By Tammy Rome

    Lisa,

    I am so sorry to hear that you are having so many migraine attacks. I have been in your situation before and know how desperate and hopeless it can feel. Your instinct to find someone who understands chronic pain is right on. What you are looking for is a Behavioral or Cognitive-Behavioral therapist who works exclusively with chronic pain patients. This type of therapist will work with you on coping behaviors and changing your thinking patterns rather than focusing on your past or blaming migraine on emotional issues. They understand it is a physical problem that affects emotions, not the other way around.

    Here are a few places you can check to find a therapist who understands chronic pain.
    http://www.achenet.org/resources/healthcare_professional_search/
    http://locator.apa.org/
    http://www.abctcentral.org/xFAT/
    http://www.aapb.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3281
    http://www.psychiatry.org/mental-health/key-topics/finding-help

    Also check with your insurance company. Tell them what you are looking for and see who is covered by your plan.

    If you ever find yourself in a crisis when you don’t think you can stay safe long enough to wait for an appointment, please get help right away. You can do this by
    1. Visiting http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
    2. Calling the hotline at 800-273-TALK
    3. Calling your local mental health center crisis line
    4. Calling 911 or going to the ER

    Please write back and let me know how you are doing. I will be available most of today and will check in for your post.

    Take gentle care of yourself.

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  • By SydneyL

    I understand completely. I’ve had them since i was 7, i’m 20 now, and I’ve been chronic for 2 years. I’ve had so many neurologists tell me they don’t know how to treat me. I can’t even get decent medication to try and take pain away. I had to drop this semester at college because I have to get my migraines under control. I’m in a MOH state because of being chronic, and what am I supposed to do, take nothing? Nope. So I ended up in this state and now I have to detox off treximet. And it’s hard.
    I even just got a job and I don’t even know if I can show up as much because I can’t take meds. I just have to sleep.
    It gets super depressing that I can’t do anything. I’ve lost so much school and social events because of this. It’s hard to get myself to get out of bed or even talk to a friend.
    This site is the only place I really want to talk about my pain because everyone else just seems to know what they’re talking about and tries to give me solutions. It’s super annoying.
    You can push through it. We gotta. All we can do is keep pushing and finding the right doctor to help us.

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  • By Anonymous

    I feel suicidal a lot. But mainly when I have a migraine. My meds work, but they make me really tired. I am seeing a therapist now. My doctor thinks that food allergies might be causing them. I feel like I mainly get them when I lack sleep or am stressed. And especially around that time of month. I get at least 1or 2 a month and they last about 3 days without meds. I have missed so much work but thankfully have LOA. I used to get them on and off before I was married, but I feel like they have increased. The pain is so bad I can’t stand it, and I know it shows at my job. I want a better career too, but it is so hard because I am afraid I will get fired at a new job for missing so much. I just feel hopeless.

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  • By cydyth

    Hello,

    I was in your situation for a few years. don’t give up. use your meds. let the MD know they make you too tired to work. if you can go into work – go. if you have an HR dept – let them know that you currently have bad migraines but are being treated by an MD and expect them to get better. they may ask you to get a note from your MD – do it, it will protect your job. get enough sleep, stay hydrated and let your MD know about your stress. you might need some anti-anxiety meds during this time. stay in touch.

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