Choosing How to Respond to Migraine

By Holly Harding

Those of us who have migraine don’t have a choice in the matter. We also don’t have control over when a migraine attack hits or how long it lasts. Flare-ups often occur out of nowhere and knock us off our feet for hours to days at a time. The condition can be so intense that we can feel out of control in the way our bodies respond.

Out of control with migraine

We may be violently ill, vomiting relentlessly, incapable of speaking coherently, shaking from pain or weakness, and unable to see clearly due to not being able to handle any light, sounds, or smells. Living with a condition where so much of life is out of our control can feel disconcerting.

One way to navigate this reality is to focus on what we can control which primarily has to do with how we respond to migraine, emotionally, and intellectually. In this video, Holly discusses her thoughts on this topic and invites you to join in on the conversation in the comment section below.

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

elizabeth-sands
Hi Holly...I have had migraine since I was diagnosed when I was 4 years old. I am 67 so I have had debilitating migraines for all of my life. I have experienced different migraine patterns during my lifetime. I was diagnosed with chronic multiple type by my neurologist prior to retiring at age 65. When one’s body is so out of control it’s even more important to take control. The physiological part of that is to find ways to manage your life during the hopeless and helpless phase. Aside from Sumatriptan in the pill and injectable forms, I have put together my tools and resources for my migraine events which can extend for weeks. Anything that can allow me to have control. Hot pads, cold head wraps, migraine sticks, breathe strips, MigraineX ear plugs, soothing music, whatever it takes to give me a little control. When I have my tools and resources, I feel empowered and less victimized. Even though my condition is genetic I can often blame myself and over analyze what I may have done to bring on my attacks. I try to be careful about my diet and really just do the best I can and forgive myself often. I try not to live in the condition and celebrate my ‘good’ days. I don’t count all of the times that migraine has forced me to my bed and cheated me of fun moments like ‘The Live Aid’ Concert! I accept my condition and I look at my life in terms of what I have accomplished through grit and determination. I look at my life as a strange dance—the thing that holds me back the most is also the thing that forces me to get the most out of my life. At this juncture in my life, I simply have to embrace all of who I am. I mourn the days and weeks lost to migraine and then celebrate those beautiful days that I am on my feet! When I am functional, I live the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, ‘You must do the things you think you cannot do.’
1. Holly Harding Moderator
 Elizabeth- What an inspiring share you have offered here! I'm so thankful you took the time to give us a window into your philosophy related to managing a life of chronic migraine. You have earned a lot of wisdom over the years and what a gift that you shared it here. I love the combination of grit, determination, pushback AND acceptance and gratitude that comes through in your words. You show that it doesn't have to be either/or - we don't have to choose between anger and frustration about having the disease OR fully accepting it as part of who we are. We can have our arms open wide to all of those dynamics - even feeling some aspects of those opposing forces on the same day. That's part of being human - and accepting that part of ourselves is important. As you said, let's "embrace all of who" we are! Thanks again for chiming in. Please stay in touch. - Warmly, Holly (migraine.com team).
mbabi1970
Hi Holly. Great to read something from you. This is a very interesting topic while also sad. I have found that the way I have chosen to respond to my migraines has evolved over the years. My state of depression at the time has a lot to do with it. I sometimes can just power through it to do what I want or it takes control of me. And sometimes things that can make me feel better, like a simple walk, can send me into a full blown attack. Sometimes I look at it and am happy that I least I was able to take a walk regardless of the fact that it increased my pain. Other times I get incredibly upset that all I did was walk and now I can’t do anything else. I try very hard not to beat myself up about it but it’s a struggle. Pain is all consuming and it’s overpowering. I think the hardest thing is to be kind to yourself. After decades of this battle I am still figuring it out and that’s ok. It’s ups and downs. As long as I am disabled I know that my battle will be constant. I would like to say that I have conquered this battle but there are too many factors that come into play for me. So I just take it Day by day. Sometimes positive. Sometimes negative. But always hard. I hope you are surviving quarantine. I know I am so happy to have both of my boys with me all the time. But that also gives them a clear window into my daily struggle which I hate for them to see. Xo Michele
1. Holly Harding Moderator
 Michele- I am always so glad to hear from you. I love your very genuine and real response here. You have earned your wisdom and are of course so right, that we must take it day by day. It's so important not to give ourselves a hard time about HOW we are managing on TOP of the pain. The pain is hard enough. So, that's where the acceptance comes in, right? There's acceptance of the condition (the fact that we have it) AND acceptance of how we are responding to it. Some days we respond with fury, frustration - others with gratitude and grace. We accept one way is no better or worse than another-- we release judgement from ourselves for the way we are responding. The fact that we made it through another day of severe pain is the win. There's the gratitude. What strong people are we with migraine! I'm so sorry your walk backfired. I know exactly what this is like. Hard not to feel paralyzed by this condition. So wonderful that you tried. Perhaps something shorter or smaller? I tried just playing with my dog in the house and that was a trigger! So, maybe gentle stretching on the couch, maybe? Baby steps. I'm with you on this. Maybe we can figure it out together. Like we have discussed before, I also have two boys and, like you, I have them with me during this quarantine. That does mean also them having a more constant window into my existence and what it means to manage a life with chronic pain. My hope is that this perspective will only increase their compassion for people who have challenges in the world. I'm glad you wrote in and hope very much you will stay in touch. Warmly, Holly (migraine.com team).
azreynolds
Hi Holly, Another great article and something for all of us to think about right along with you. A couple of years back, I decided to quit blaming myself for something I couldn't control. Then surprisingly after that things started falling into my lap. Resources like Migraine Buddy, you and your articles, Migraine Team and the Migraine World Summit. All of this allowed me to massage my ideas and morph them into where I am now. Since I can't go out in public due to these new strong detergents setting off my migraines, I instead changed my attitude about it and decided to enjoy the fact that I have a lovely home, a beautiful yard, a funny dog, a supportive husband, and to heck with what's going on elsewhere. Needless to say after isolation for five years, the pandemic quarantine was a walk in the park for me. It's no different from my regular life... except I saw more of my neighbors as they walked the neighborhood. Your article last year about thinking of our migraines as a friend who has helped us alter our lives, making us make better choices like eating right and going to bed on time, and approaching our life with purpose, helped me to where I am today. I don't feel out of control at all. I plan in advance for my sick days. I always have leftovers ready for microwaving when I can't cook. I pay bills as soon as they arrive so I don't worry about forgetting them. I clean house a little every day that I can (with migraine, Fibromyalgia and spinal arthritis, it's a toss up sometimes), so the house doesn't ever get really dirty. Then on the days, or weeks, that I can't clean, I just don't worry about it. I revel in the days I can be busy cleaning and baking, enjoying the work to be done, looking for joy wherever I can. On sick days, I play my quiet music, climb in bed with my dog by my side, and actually try to enjoy to stillness required to beat the migraine. I don't get angry anymore about it because that's wasting energy. This is part of my life...part of me! I will not hate it because that's hating myself. I will only accept it and live with it in harmony.
1. azreynolds
 Holly, I did share my story last year and not much has changed except my diet and my feeble attempts at exercise. I lost 23 lbs on keto and was hitting the gym before the pandemic. Once again, y'all's articles about exercise being good to fight migraine helped push me forward too. I wish everyone with chronic illnesses could learn the lessons I've learned so late in life, but that they would learn it early on so as to not waste their life angry at their illnesses. It is such a waste of time and energy. Please keep up the good work and keep pushing us to study ourselves and our reactions to life. God bless.
2. Holly Harding Moderator
 Hi AZReynolds- I'm so glad you shared your story with us already AND gave an update here. Congratulations on that weight loss! Wow. You clearly have an earned wisdom that has accompanied a long journey with migraine. I hear you about wishing we could pass along our earned lessons to others to save them the heartache we've encountered along the way, but not unlike learning how to walk, or ride a bike, there are mechanics involved - practice- falling down and getting back up over and over- these things that become body memory until they are a part of who we are - embedded in our skin and our hearts. We can't save anyone these important steps in their journey because it would mean missing out on the substance. Like getting the framework with none of the content, if that makes sense. What I love about <a href='http://migraine.com' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>migraine.com</a> is that I can learn so much from the journeys of others- when we share with each other the ways we fell down-- how we got back up- how we kept going... that's more meaningful to me than the end lesson learned. I would argue you weren't wasting your time while you were angry at your illness. No one could've told you to lighten up and see the bright side. The time spent in anger enabled you to get to a different place- it fueled and illuminated your next steps. Without that perspective you likely would not be able to feel the gratitude you have now in spades. I'm so grateful to know you and am so very glad you're with us here! Keep staying in touch and helping us see it's possible to attain such a refreshing perspective. And yes- for sure- you earned it. - Holly (migraine.com team).
y11odl
I really needed this today! I have definitely learned gratitude and empathy through my migraines, but it’s easy to forget that when I’m in the last 5wks of my Diploma, smashed with assessments and unable to do anything but medicate and sleep for days. Thank you for this reminder, my emotional state definitely affects my recovery from these really long bouts and this video has helped a tonne. Thank you!
1. Holly Harding Moderator
 Hi there y11odl- I'm so glad this piece resonated with you. My goodness, you have so much on your plate right now- and to be managing what sounds like an intractable migraine atop it all (not to mention doing it all amidst a pandemic) is a lot. How wonderful for you to be able to reach for perspective and gratitude. I hope you'll stay in touch and let us know how things go with your diploma. Breathe along the way- we're with you. - Holly (migraine.com team).
john1381
Haven't been here for a while but this post and the comments so far have been very helpful as I had just about had enough today. Thanks.
1. Holly Harding Moderator
 John- are you feeling any relief? Have been thinking of you. So glad you’re a part of our community. Please stay in touch. - Holly (Migraine.com team).
2. john1381
 Thank you Holly, my mood is improving thanks in part to yourself and reading some of the other comments and fine contribution pieces. It was a little bleak for a while. Like many in the community I have been chronic for 20 years with daily migraines (my sister too) and they have been so severe and unrelenting lately; it of course makes your thinking go wonky and hard to see a way forward but I really think that having a place like this to share and read others stories is so helpful, and a supportive comment really can help cut through the foggy thinking. Thank you for checking in and I hope you get the support you need too. Warmest regards, John.
bombus
I love the positivity from you all. I am 54, chronic and have had them all my life and I am angry, depressed and frustrated as hell. Reading your comments has really made me stop and thank so thank you Holly for the video and thank you all for the comments
1. Melissa Arnold Admin
 Just want to say it's totally OK to feel depressed, angry or anything else, Bombus. Migraines are absolutely brutal, and we definitely don't expect every moment here to be sunshine and rainbows. We are here for you, whatever you're feeling. Don't be afraid to vent! -Melissa, <a href='http://migraine.com' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>migraine.com</a> team
2. Holly Harding Moderator
 Hi Bombus- So good to hear from you. We are here for you. There is such a spectrum of responses to feel as a result of this depleting and demanding disease- all completely valid. I'm glad you are voicing those harder feelings as they are so common, so real, and so important! Feel them. Let them move through you. I feel them too. It is the feeling of those feelings that makes it possible to access the others (the gratitude, the compassion, etc). We move through all of the colors of emotion and as we do we work on the biggest goal of all: acceptance! Accepting this challenge that we never asked for- and accepting the emotions that come along with it. With you in the journey and so glad you are here. - Holly (migraine.com team).
abbey1997
I’m going to be 50 this year and have had migraines for 40 years. They’ve changed so much over time. When I was younger there was uncontrollable vomiting, pain, tears. Then on and off some meds helped With controlling them. The day I got Imitrex was one of the best things that ever happened because it was a chance to maybe not miss an event. Now and for the past few years I have chronic almost daily migraines. Triptans don’t work so well, have tried everything under the sun. The migraines are more frequent and less severe, but having a choice I wouldn’t choose either. I get so angry on what it has stolen from me, the ignorance of people’s understanding, frustrations from even people who love me the most. Of course as with a lot of migraineurs, I suffer from anxiety and depression as my brain chemistry is a mess. That makes me angry as well. I just want to live and to be happy and pain free. I’m still working with doctors on trying anything we may think will help. Not giving up and I pray someday there is a cure, even if it’s too late to help me. However, thank you for talking about choice and gratitude. I’m grateful that I actually feel GOOD today, mentally and physically so I’m choosing to embrace this feeling. Thank you
1. Holly Harding Moderator
 abbey1997- You and I are similar in age and in length of dealing with migraine. I'm glad you gave voice to the anger and frustration of a life with migraine. It is no walk in the park and is not for the faint of heart. Migraine does take and take and take- and the frustrations run high when we're surrounded by people who don't understand what we're up against as we navigate this complex neurological disease day after day. The comorbid conditions of anxiety and depression only further compound the challenges that come with migraine and make for an uphill battle in which it can be quite difficult to find gratitude. However, as you said, on the good days- the wellness tastes THAT much sweeter. Those who don't live with chronic pain will never know the incredible lift, peace, and joy we feel when the pain dissipates and allows us to feel the clarity and quiet that resides within - just by simply being able to function. I love that you are choosing to embrace that feeling on your well day. Thank you for sharing and so glad you are a part of our community. Hope you will stay in touch. - Holly (migraine.com team).
mbabi1970
All I have to say after commenting on this about a week ago and coming back today to read the comments is Thank Goodness for Migraine.com!!! I have no friends that truly understand what I go through on a daily basis, how exhausting it is to go through a life in pain, how a fleeting moment with little pain is so special and how quickly you can be right back in bed. This is HARD. And, connecting with people who are suffering just like me makes me feel better. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE on the <a href='http://Migraine.com' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>Migraine.com</a> team, members, comments, support....everything. It truly means the world to me. Always hoping for better tomorrows, Michele (Chronic migraine sufferer with depression, anxiety and a host of other crap!) Stay strong everyone!!
1. Holly Harding Moderator
 Michele- So glad you wrote back. Isn't amazing how our real life tribe rarely is comprised of people who truly get it. When migraine is so prevalent it's odd how we are often the only ones we know in real life who have it as intensely as we do. Try as they might, if they don't live with chronic migraine, there is just so far friends and family can go in terms of grasping our reality. While we wouldn't wish this experience on our worst enemy, we are also relieved to find anyone who can relate - who truly *gets* what this life is like. The old adage "misery loves company" is not exactly what this is about- because when it comes to <a href='http://migraine.com' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>migraine.com</a>- it's not about being miserable-- it's about connecting- encountering no judgment- acceptance, sharing lessons learned, strategies, - expressing grief, sadness, anger, and finding ways toward gratitude while supporting one another along the way. I'm glad you have felt supported here- I have felt your support very much over the years, Michele and am grateful for our connection. And yes, cheers- here's to a better tomorrow- or at the very least, one that involves some deep breaths and something comforting. Stay in touch- Holly (migraine.com team).
2. Melissa Arnold Admin
 Ahhhh Michele, you are so sweet! Thank you for affirming us. <3 It always feels great to hear we are making a difference for people. Glad you found us. We're always here! -Melissa, migraine.com team
hh45612
Holly, I also have been giving this much thought. When constant/chronic migraine with aura is at this level for well over a decade, plus every day clusters, plus now something that feels like my head is being ripped apart from my skull with accompanying weakness and loss of decent eyesight (tests this week), there's no choice but to think about how do I respond, for there's no time without lots of pain and systemic effects. My sister also has a severe chronic migraine disorder, and we were talking about this. When I am not completely downed by all this, it's been my thing over the years to ask myself, "What CAN I do?" It's sure not much anymore, and I have had to give up much of my little creative endeavors. But I'm trying other types of simple creative stuff and games, and keep them at hand to take advantage of. Even if just for a few minutes. Even if not done as well as I used to. I've had to accept that the trying/doing of a thing, no matter how simple and small, is a benefit into my day, and accomplishing just about anything is a win anymore.
1. hh45612
 Thank you; thoughtful, gentle and kind as always. Being almost 70 years old, the neurological trio keeping me always in pain and systemic effects have grounded me, and basic living tasks are essential positive accomplishments that I celebrate. Working a puzzle, playing a game, or being creative for a bit when I am able to add in moments of lively life. Thankful to the Good Lord for still being able to live independently, as at my age and health condition, that is a vital consideration to me.
2. Holly Harding Moderator
 Holly H.- yes, yes, and yes! - as to your last comment. I hear you reaching for gratitude amidst the surrounding challenges and pain. I'm thinking today about that as well. The exquisite sensitivity that often accompanies migraine - would I choose the other side of that coin? To be insensitive, if that were the choice? I believe there to be some gain in life from how we've been created- to feel the way we feel - our antennae more powerful than those of our counterparts. I prefer to find a way to frame these challenges to the positive. I find it helps me to do so. How about you? - Holly (migraine.com team).
billymilliken
At my worst it's hard to think of ways to help the situation, sleep is generally the best option. My neurologist says sitting on the floor cross legged back straight , close your eyes and breath deeply. I struggle to find the energy to sit up straight. I've lived with vestibular migraines my whole life but only found out I had it 4 years ago as I have chronic issues with my left ear. Thought my issues related to that, which in part it does. No one really understands what I go through on a daily basis. I find walking in the park(away from lots of noise pollution) the best help,when I'm able to get up and about.
1. glassmind
 Amazing how even reading Breathe is helpful. Slow breathe hugs, all.
2. Holly Harding Moderator
 glassmind- always love hearing from you. and yes, breathe. indeed. inhale. exhale. with you. - Holly (migraine.com team).