Dear Body, Why Do You Hate Me?

Dear Body, why do you hate me?

I take care of you. I eat healthy…except when you crave French fries. I exercise as much as I can until you retaliate against me. You like it when we do Yoga, but you’re not so nice when I try to run. You get more massages than any other body I know, yet my neck and shoulders continue to feel like rocks and steel cables. I listen to you, Body. When you tell me it’s time to sleep, I go out of my way to give you the restoration you need, no matter what time of day. I feed you medicines, vitamins and supplements to help counteract the problems you are so intent on giving me. I’ve even tried detoxing from meds, but you really didn’t like that.

Failing me when I was younger

This is not a new thing, Body. When I was a baby, you forgot to close two holes in my heart. I do have a pretty rad scar from that, though. How about that time you refused to heal my acid and bile reflux as a teenager and had to have two surgeries to fix it? Ok, fine. Those scars are pretty cool too. But after being quiet on that front for many years, I don’t understand why you are now waking me up in the middle of the night with piercing pain. And now I need an endoscopy. And while they’re at it, I get to have a colonoscopy, too, because you don’t like to digest the meds I give you. Not cool, Body, not cool.

Remember when you decided that you didn’t like my hair and I began shedding in fistfuls? The culprit was a medication we had been taking for years. Then all of the sudden you decide you don’t like it anymore. What’s up with that?

Involuntary movements, that's new

And how about this new thing you’ve been doing lately? The muscle twitching, contractions, and sometimes convulsions. When I’m trying to fall asleep, it’s not fun to have my shoulders involuntarily move up to my ears, have a leg twitch so bad it comes off the bed, or to have my entire body contract into a ball. The movement disorder doctor calls it myoclonus, but that describes the symptoms, not the cause. So I get to have a 3-hour MRI soon to rule out some scary stuff.

Episodic to chronic migraine, why?

Body, I haven’t even talked about the migraines yet. I mean, really, what did I do for you decide to turn the episodic headaches into a daily occurrence? I’ve been through so many medications, treatments and self-healing that I figured you would have calmed down by now. You cost me my job over that one.

Stolen time from a failing body

This year alone, I've had 7 doctor appointments, 1 hospitalization for 6 days, and 1 trip to the ER. In the next 2 months, I have 4 follow-up appointments scheduled, an MRI on the books, and an invasion of my digestive system to endure. It’s only April! Let’s not even talk about the amount of money I spent on you last year. I could’ve had a new car.

You know, I really wanted to go to that concert last week. I missed half of Christmas vacation because of you. I’d love to start a new hobby or even volunteer. But I still have not figured out when you are going to rebel, so it’s hard to be reliable. Seriously, don’t you want to go on a day trip with friends to the mountains? Or hang out at a ball game?

Is there room for a truce?

I do give you credit, Body. You could be meaner to me. You do let me have good days. You’ve forced me to reinvent myself. And if you hadn’t started attacking me from a young age, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. All I’m asking is that we get along. Or at least be on speaking terms. Is it too much to ask for you to stop giving me new issues to worry about? Because seriously, I don’t know why you hate me!

Sincerely,

Your Partner for Life (whether you like it or not)