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Dear Body, Why Do You Hate Me?

Dear Body, Why Do You Hate Me?

Dear Body, why do you hate me?

I take care of you. I eat healthy…except when you crave French fries. I exercise as much as I can until you retaliate against me. You like it when we do Yoga, but you’re not so nice when I try to run. You get more massages than any other body I know, yet my neck and shoulders continue to feel like rocks and steel cables. I listen to you, Body. When you tell me it’s time to sleep, I go out of my way to give you the restoration you need, no matter what time of day. I feed you medicines, vitamins and supplements to help counteract the problems you are so intent on giving me. I’ve even tried detoxing from meds, but you really didn’t like that.

This is not a new thing, Body. When I was a baby you forgot to close two holes in my heart. I do have a pretty rad scar from that though. How about that time you refused to heal my acid and bile reflux as a teenager and had to have two surgeries to fix it? Ok, fine. Those scars are pretty cool too. But after being quiet on that front for many years, I don’t understand why you are now waking me up in the middle of the night with piercing pain. And now I need an endoscopy. And while they’re at it, I get to have a colonoscopy too because you don’t like to digest the meds I give you. Not cool, Body, not cool.

Remember when you decided that you didn’t like my hair and I began shedding in fistfuls? The culprit was a medication we had been taking for years. Then all of the sudden you decide you don’t like it anymore. What’s up with that?

And how about this new thing you’ve been doing lately? The muscle twitching, contractions and sometimes convulsions. When I’m trying to fall asleep, it’s not fun to have my shoulders involuntarily move up to my ears, have a leg twitch so bad it comes off the bed, or to have my entire body contract into a ball. The movement disorder doctor calls it myoclonus, but that describes the symptoms, not the cause. So I get to have a 3-hour MRI soon to rule out some scary stuff.

Body, I haven’t even talked about the Migraines yet. I mean really, what did I do for you decide to turn the episodic headaches into a daily occurrence? I’ve been through so many medications, treatments and self-healing that I figured you would have calmed down by now. You cost me my job over that one.

This year alone I’ve had 7 doctor appointments, 1 hospitalization for 6 days, and 1 trip to the ER. In the next 2 months, I have 4 follow-up appointments scheduled, an MRI on the books and an invasion of my digestive system to endure. It’s only April! Let’s not even talk about the amount of money I spent on you last year. I could’ve had a new car.

You know, I really wanted to go to that concert last week. I missed half of Christmas vacation because of you. I’d love to start a new hobby or even volunteer. But I still have not figured out when you are going to rebel, so it’s hard to be reliable. Seriously, don’t you want to go on a day trip with friends to the mountains? Or hang out at a ball game?

I do give you credit, Body. You could be meaner to me. You do let me have good days. You’ve forced me to reinvent myself. And if you hadn’t started attacking me from a young age, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. All I’m asking is that we get along. Or at least be on speaking terms. Is it too much to ask for you to stop giving me new issues to worry about? Because seriously, I don’t know why you hate me!

Sincerely,

Your Partner for Life (whether you like it or not)

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Susan L
    4 years ago

    Oh, Katie, I send you a cyber hug. I so hear you! I’m a Daily Chronic Migraineur right now, and have been one in the past, but it’s really a stubborn stage this time – 2 years and counting. And at 71 very young years – really – I’m in the “How the hell did THIS happen?” group – my body is a total traitor. 18 surgeries…and I guess counting. But I somehow keep getting back up and fighting. But the migraines keep me soooo down its so hard to fight…. I hear you and am grateful you wrote “to me”. Hugs to all you other worse for the wear but doin’ yer best bodies!

  • JanetH
    4 years ago

    I feel ya on this. It seems like I spend a lot of time and money on my bod! And not for FUN things! The list of ailments, large and small, is not getting shorter. And once we get one chronic issue seemingly dealt with, I get thrown another one. You know, just for fun. So now I don’t get those horrible urinary tract infections I was plagued with in my youth; now I get a migraine every week. And the list of drug allergies, or just things that I’ve tried that could interact with something else…thanks for writing this. I don’t think our bodies do it out of malice, though. Maybe I will try to think of my body as something that just needs a lot of help, tender care, and patience. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but sure better to have it and be on this side of the turf.

  • thisisendless
    4 years ago

    Thanks for this. Very timely. It seems as I get another medical issue under control something else starts. I am just beginning to control the pelvic pain that has been ruining my life for the last year, and now some sort of GI thing is going on. I am sick of doctors and doctor appointments. It could be worse, I am fortunately enough to have my migraines fairly well controlled at this point. But yeah, I don’t understand the constant health problems. What is the point of this?

    Anyway, thank you for sharing and being here for all of us sickies. 🙂 Virtual hug.

  • Lisa Robin Benson moderator
    4 years ago

    Pretty much my sentiment today! Hugs. Sometimes it’s about finding the joy outside our bodies.
    Lisa

  • Maureen
    4 years ago

    Yo,Body! Be nice to our girl, Katie!
    P.S. Please tell my body not to get any crazy(-er)ideas than it already has.

  • dmae
    4 years ago

    I hear you, Katie!

  • Jules2dl
    4 years ago

    Katie, you’ve helped me so much (by turning me on to Jefferson) by means of your bravely honest posts. I’m dismayed to find that you’re going through so much now. Please know that you are in my prayers!

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