You Know You

You Know You’re a Migraineur if…

You know you’re a migraineur if…

  • If you’re jealous of the items in your freezer.
  • And so you’re looking at real estate in Siberia.
  • You’d rather vacation somewhere cold and dark, and quiet, too.
  • But it hardly matters anyway, because you create your own cave wherever you go!
  • If you identify with the life of a vampire.
  • And you identify with zombies, too, because you’re always wishing you could have a new brain.
  • And while we’re at it, you identify with the Incredible Hulk, because you never know when you may transform into the angry green monster. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry,” might as well be, “You wouldn’t like me with a migraine.”
  • If you own enough accessories, sunglasses, hats, etc., to escape the paparazzi.
  • You’re prepared for an emergency, too. Your car, briefcase, or purse is a portable pharmacy.
  • If wrinkles are the least of your problems, but you still get Botox.
  • But maybe because you look so young and fabulous for your age, you can justify dressing like you’re trying to evade the paparazzi.
  • If whenever you accept an invitation, there is always a “what if” in the back of your head.
  • You think, “Planning ahead, what’s that?”
  • But though you can’t plan ahead most things, you can predict whenever there’s a storm coming.
  • If your pharmacist knows you by name and you’ve gotten very chummy.
  • She asks you rhetorically, “So, any headaches lately?” when you refill your medication for the third time that week!
  • But she likes talking to you because you know more about general headache medicine than most doctors.
  • If you have migraine amnesia: when you are in pain it can feel like there will be nothing else. But when you are pain free it’s as if pain never existed. And the cycle continues.
  • If you want to permanently delete the phrase “have you tried…?” from the English language.
  • And commercials for over-the-counter migraine remedies make you frustrated, because they don’t work for you.
  • It’s like the commercials and well-meaning acquaintances are taunting you.
  • Because you are already considering opening a shop to sell half empty vitamin bottles and half read books that didn’t help.
  • If you have all your doctors on “favorites” on your phone.
  • Speaking of phones, you notice that other people’s electronic devices look strangely bright, and you realize that you always have yours on the lowest setting.
  • And you realize you forgot to take your earplugs out, but things are still loud.
  • Where is the remote control for life?
  • Ow. Shhhhh….
  • If you misread things and can’t tell if it’s migraine brain or just the world mocking you.
  • For example, you see words like “plain” or “grain” and accidentally read them as “pain” or “migraine.”
  • Hope you have a plain-free day and be sure to eat your migraines!
This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Migraine.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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