I'm new here. I've read posts here before though. Today was pretty awful. Does anyone else have days like this or is it just me?
I live in an area where EVERYONE has a tracktor lawn mower. I grew up in the suburbs where everyone had push mowers. On certain days here, like today there has been absolute non stop noise since early in the day. I think the morning was okay.
There have been lawnmower after lawnmower, each for up to an hour. Leaf blowers sometimes. Golf carts. (No I don't live on a golf range, people are crazy here) The next door neighbor, though he's an okayish older guy when you talk to him is obsessed with his lawn. Most people around here are. Yesterday he used a tractor to pull a barrel to flatten his lawn. Today he mowed. He also has a golf cart (they are weirdly loud and penetrate the walls and have a vroom vroom thing going on) and motorcycles. There were other motorcycles on the nearby country "main" road on and off. The one neighbors that let their dog bark and bark and bark. (I grew up with dogs, I know they bark but we would quiet our dog if she got carried away. They NEVER do. Though the dog looks sweet.) The other neighbor had a truck in to bring dirt or something. The sun was extra bright and I don't have light blocking blinds on the west side (it hasn't been bad in the winter or spring) and it all just pushed me to where I actually starting thinking I couldn't live in this world anymore. I don't mean I'd end my life but I was having those flitting thoughts.
I have had ongoing migraines for the last 2 months and also food sensitivities where I get swelling from that. I went 2.5 days with only water. I somehow hurt my lower back - it's not serious but it felt really weird and painful. That was 3 days ago I think.
As soon as I ate small amounts today I started relapsing and my head aching again and my eyelids swelling.
My cat was freaking out since midday - either spring fever, another cat around, a birds nest on the side of the garage or I don't know what. He's not sick. He didn't seem unhappy, just wound up and he kept coming to wherever I was and staring intensely at me till I came with him, lol. Half the time it was to get brushed.
I have a passive aggressive brother that I speak to quite a bit and he likes to emotionally trigger me but pretends he's not.
My mom unexpectedly diet a few days before Christmas and I absolutely hadn't processed it at ALL when the whole world started changing and the pandemic happened. I feel like I've not had time to even grieve apart from the initial month or two. I have no one to talk to about it. My brother acts like he's already forgotten her.
I can cope when it's quiet (this is an area more in the country and most days are very quiet). Days like this with consecutive mowers and all of the above noise I mentioned - honestly I feel like I truly can't cope. People say to put on sound blocking headphones but I can't because of my head being sensitive to too much pressure.
The sun has finally started going down and it's more like early dusk now and people have mostly quieted down, except for bits from that dog (he does go in at night thank heaven).
I'm trying to recover from the back injury, migraine and being triggered by foods and allergies. Ideally I would have had a quiet day, drank a lot of water, done relaxing things or just rested if necessary but it just devolved (if that's the right word) to me going from window to window going "What is that now??" I've learned to hide from the neighbors.
Oh, also because I've been so ill for the last 2 months the lawn has gotten long which everyone will hate me for here but I can't help it. There are bits and pieces that need sorting in the yard. I do what I can every day. I am NOT lazy. Just very very unwell. I've also gone from 135 pounds back down to under 120. (I' 5'8") which scares me.
I'm sorry for this very long post. I will understand if it is too long. But I needed to get it out. My kitty is quiet now and I love him to bits. And he knows that. It was just one more thing today. I still said gooey things to him all day about how handsome and clever he is.
Does anyone else get badly affected by excessive sound? Especially man made sound. I'm good with thunder and rain. Wind actually can stress me out though at time. But it's mostly engines running really. And the sweet but barky neighbors dog. Any idea what I can do? I have a basement, maybe I should tidy it up and go down there. It's cooler and somewhat more buffered from the sound. I never think of that. White noise wont work for this and will just make me more stressed out. (The dog is now barking again because someone is walking their dog. I just don't get it. The people seem like a nice family though the dad seems slightly arrogant. Why can't they shush it or calm it down. Surely they hear it inside?)
I feel a bit calmer but I also feel scared at how I started feeling like please take me out of this world God I can't cope. With all the physical pain and energy spent towards that - days like this feel like they are pushing me over the edge.
There's more to my story but I've already written a novel. Thank you anyone who read all this.