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Partner leaves me to look after the kids when I'm having an attack

hi, all. New to this site and I've found some great info on here. I've just had a horrible day and not for the first time because my self employed parter won't take a day off work to look after our kids 8months and 3 when I have an attack. I've tried to explain but he dosent seem to get it that I absolutely have to go and sleep in a dark quiet room on my own. By the time the attack has started I can barely put a sentence together, and I don't really think I should have to beg him, surely he should know that if I'm hiding under the duvet and communicating in grunts I'm in a bad way.

I don't have any family nearby, luckily today I got a friend to come over in the afternoon and take the kids outside while I slept but this morning, I was just passed out, the baby could have got into anything, then I passed out again feeding her and woke to find my son had soiled himself some time ago and was sat in his own mess.

I just find it impossible to assert myself when I'm having an attack, especially as I know he would make a huge fuss if he had to cancel jobs, and I just can't deal with that when I've got a migraine.

Has anybody else got through to their partner how utterly debilitating it is to be left caring for kids when you can't care for yourself?

  1. We don't have kids, but we do have pets (one of which is a super active puppy). I think it registered a lot more with my boyfriend when I explained that just getting up, bending over to clean up a mess, and then sitting back down (x50000 times per hour) kept me in pain and unable to do much for MUCH longer than if I could have just sat still for even a half hour before trying to deal with anything else. He was also surprised to learn about the vision changes that come with migraines, and now definitely understands why I don't feel comfortable driving during them. In our case, sharing my specific concerns and issues helped him see why some things are just too much during a migraine.

    I'm sure you've done that, but maybe try repeating it another time, or 2, or 10. =) You're right, you shouldn't have to beg him, but you may have to sound like a broken record. I think exactly the same thing a lot ("Surely he knows, he can tell") and then it turns out he's got no clue until I actually say it, maybe several times. I can definitely sympathize with the overwhelming frustration, and I can imagine it's much, much harder with kids.

    You've got this, Pinkellie! =)

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