The Migraine Burden

What do you do when you feel pain everyday?
What do you do when it's mild pain, moderate pain or even severe pain?
What do you do when you have been feeling this pain for 11 years?

Most normal people would say go to the doctor and figure out what's wrong. Just as simple as that.

Well, what do you do when you have already done that a thousand times? What do you do when the doctors can't help you or when they can't figure out what's wrong with you? What do you do when you can get a diagnosis, but then realize that it's just genetic?

I could be talking about many things here, but I'm talking about migraines.

What do you do with constant neck and head pain? What do you do with constant fatigue? What do you do when you can't work? What do you do when you can't go to school regularly because you are stuck in bed dealing with pain and your only other option is looking like you are having a mental and emotional breakdown in class, when really your head feels like it is going to explode? What do you do when you can't take care of yourself? What do you do when almost everything that you do has the potential of causing you more pain and fatigue? What do you do with the time that you are given when you are unable to function like a normal human being? How do you live?

I wish that I could ask random people these questions without them knowing my condition at first and hear their true answer. I wish that the world would understand how hard it is to live with chronic migraines. I wish that I had the power to put this pain on someone else for just a minute and then take it away so that they would understand how it feels.

What do you do when you just have to accept that your life will always be this; will always be pain and struggling besides what life already puts you through?

I want....No, I need someone to tell me what to do. Tell me how I'm supposed to live like this. Tell me how I'm supposed to be happy with this burden. I am only 18. I may be an adult in some people's eyes, but I am still a child. A child without guidance from someone like me. I know how I'm supposed to live, according to the world, but how am I supposed to live according to myself and my individual life when I don't even know how and when I only know a way that is wrong for me.

I've tried telling myself so many things. "You are used to it," was something I always said to myself and others, but just because I'm used to it doesn't mean that it doesn't cause me pain. It doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me or tear me apart inside and out every now and then. It doesn't mean that I'm different from others, I just can't have the same lifestyle and I don't know how to have my own.

I feel like this a lot and I'm sure that I'm not alone, so I thank those who understand this. Today, honestly, is a hard day for me. I'm dealing with the before affects of a migraine right now and I'm just waiting for it to kick in. Because of this I started crying about it today becuase of how tired I am of having this pain. I do my best to be strong, but sometimes I just can't. Sometimes you just need help and support, which I rarely ever get when it comes to this part of my life.

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