Depressed and Lonely

By not-again

1 min read

I've had migraines for many years. I'm currently in a rough patch with them in the hot weather. I wish I didn't always feel so scared returning to work after I've been out a few days or a week. I am not treated very well when I return and I try to understand that people think I am not dependable. I'm not dependable in the midst of attacks. It is so difficult to separate the disease from the person. The financial strain during these times is depressing and I feel like I'm in a wet paper bag and I can't even muster the strength to push through to the outside.

I wish I wouldn't think about who I used to be. I wish the relatives that still talk to me would not tell me to "It's time for you to lay those migraines down." I've decreased communications with them because they do not listen to me when I tell them those words hurt and that don't they think I would if I could? They refuse to be educated by me. I have very little support, but what support I have I am grateful.

I thought I would accomplish great things in my life. I don't think that way anymore. It is all about survival of the current migraine, the next migraine....my family doesn't even invite me anymore to family holidays or birthdays because I've had to cancel last minute so many times.

I long for someone to take care of me when a bad migraine hits and I need some food or water or just plain comfort. I long for someone to just care that I'm down and not give me a list of things to do - don't they realize, it is a struggle just to keep breathing?

Thank you for listening.

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Joanna Bodner Community Admin
Hi there Not-Again, Thank you greatly for sharing what you are going through in your struggle living with migraine. I am so sorry that you do not have the support you are in need of and are suffering so much with this condition! As we do with all of our community members who express these sentiments is to seek the support that you deserve! Not just medical professionals, but support groups, counselors, etc...I would love for you to read more about it here: <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/top-places-to-find-support' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/top-places-to-find-support/</a> <a href='https://migraine.com/getting-help' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/getting-help/</a> Lastly, I thought I would share an article by our contributor Tammy, which may provide you with a bit of hope as she too was courageous like yourself and speaks openly of her depression: <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/breaking-through-the-darkness' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/breaking-through-the-darkness/</a> Please know that we are always here for you & understand what you are going through! You are not alone! Thank you for being an active, supportive and engaging member of our community! Warmly, Joanna (Migraine.com Team)
1. not-again Member
 Thank you, Joanna. I appreciate your wsrm words and the references.
3vvg5f Member
Hi Not Again. Sorry for what you're feeling. I know how hard it is. The wet paper bag... Great way to put it. A couple of weeks ago I decided to do something smart and put my Meds right by my bed... When stuff hit the fan my Meds where right there but I didn't have a drink.... Lol I know it's not funny but what else is there. So many times I've been in bed needing help and thinking... I can get to it. Immediately followed by "I'll die before I get there, might as well stay here". Wait, I wanted to say something to make you feel better but I don't know what to say... "I believe you. I know you're hurting. I know you can do this.!"
1. not-again Member
 Saying you believe me is of great help. I like the idea of keeping what we need bedside. Thank you for your response.
heatherly Member
Hi Not Again, I read your story with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry you are going through the incredible pain of life with migraines alone. It is wrong of your family and friends to make you feel worse than your migraines already do. It is so wrong of them not to invite you to holidays and events because you have had to cancel sometimes in the past. I think it is important to remember that these are their shortcomings, not yours. They are the ones at fault, not you. You have a genetic disease that you are trying your best to deal with every day. If you had MS or cancer, they would not be treating you this way. I wish you had someone in your life that could help and understand what you are going through. I have recently tried going to a group through Meet Up when I feel up to it and I think I might make a few friends there. I don't have a lot of people in my life who are willing to deal with the restrictions migraines put on my life, either. I just want you to know that you deserve better treatment than your friends and family are giving you. It is not your fault you have migraines. If the current circle of people in your life aren't wanting the best for you and aren't supporting you, then it is okay to enlarge the circle! Try to use any good days you have to meet even one new friend who understands what you are going through. Life will be so much better. Please hang in there.
1. not-again Member
 Thank you for your response and the affirmations. I still struggle with redesigning my life alone with these dresdful migraines.
mcinnc Member
Hey there NotAgain, My heart hurts for you in the despair you feel caused by family, friends and the workplace. I COMPLETELY get it all. If there was a t-shirt I'd wear it for both of us! People can be so cruel, but this community already seems to be a bright spot. I will pray for you to find better support in the coming days. We are in this together. I am in an upswing of what was otherwise managed migraines so I understand despair... I don't have family around to help me through and am a loner type to start. The depression is part of the disease so talk to your doctor if you haven't already. Hang in there!
1. not-again Member
 Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in my experience. Glad you are in an upswing. I went to my doctor about the depression and anxiety and they didn't do much to help me. Not having much strength, I don't like having to fight for what I need and then not get it. Thank you for your prayers and words of empathy.
i396d4 Member
Was in identical position at work. Was responsible for preparing drawings, documents to be tendered for million dollar contracts. Have to be depended on to be at work as all above have deadlines that must be met. Missed so work due to headaches so no longer dependable. Became so bad employer did not even know if would be at work next day. Very understanding though, as told we want u here,need you here, but this work simply must be completed before deadline. We don't even know if you will be here tomorrow. You have to get these headaches under control. Take as much time as needed but get back to old self. Upon returning to work , never given former duties. Work I used to do (quite well) farmed across several other employees. Basically glorified office clerk now as migraines will never be fully under my control
1. not-again Member
 Thank you for your thoughtful reply. How do you tefrfine life as meaningful and successful with do many bad migraines?
randyburks Member
Your letter broke my heart. I am praying for you at this moment. The Carmelite nuns have been a comfort to me. I don't know you but I DO CARE for you and your suffering. I wish you peace and a feeling of kindredship with those of us who know your pain. Please feel this hug I'm sending and that your hand is being held by those who understand your pain. God bless.
1. not-again Member
 Csn you tell me more about the Carmelite nuns and howvthey help you?
2. DonnaFA Member
 Hi Not-Again, I just wanted to pipe in and say that we're glad that you're here. Please know that you're not alone. There is always someone here who understands, to lend an ear, to lend support, and just to listen. I'd like to also invite you to visit our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/MigraineDotCom" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">Facebook page</a> and join the conversation there as well. We're glad you're here. -Warmly, Donna (Migraine.com team)