Depressed and Lonely
I've had migraines for many years. I'm currently in a rough patch with them in the hot weather. I wish I didn't always feel so scared returning to work after I've been out a few days or a week. I am not treated very well when I return and I try to understand that people think I am not dependable. I'm not dependable in the midst of attacks. It is so difficult to separate the disease from the person. The financial strain during these times is depressing and I feel like I'm in a wet paper bag and I can't even muster the strength to push through to the outside.
I wish I wouldn't think about who I used to be. I wish the relatives that still talk to me would not tell me to "It's time for you to lay those migraines down." I've decreased communications with them because they do not listen to me when I tell them those words hurt and that don't they think I would if I could? They refuse to be educated by me. I have very little support, but what support I have I am grateful.
I thought I would accomplish great things in my life. I don't think that way anymore. It is all about survival of the current migraine, the next migraine....my family doesn't even invite me anymore to family holidays or birthdays because I've had to cancel last minute so many times.
I long for someone to take care of me when a bad migraine hits and I need some food or water or just plain comfort. I long for someone to just care that I'm down and not give me a list of things to do - don't they realize, it is a struggle just to keep breathing?
Thank you for listening.
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