Destroying my world and my family

By dnvnfam5

1 min read

How do people deal with the stress and pressures that chronic severe daily migraines puts on a family?? My husband is so supportive but there are those times when he gets fed up with me not being able to take care of myself, him and not to mention the house or the dogs. On good days I do my best to get these things done, but it's adequate at best. We want to start a family but haven't been able to because of my migraine disease and other medical issues. He doesn't want me to leave the house on good days for fear I might over do it, but on those days there's things I need to get done to make the house better.

If I stay home all the time I'll get depressed. We both see a psychiatrist which helps both of us. But how do other people manage? My husband is my best friend, we've been together for 14 years and have been married for 8 years. Our relationship is otherwise amazing. What have others done to get there significant others to more fully understand that we want to live when we feel good? Or is there something I'm missing and should be doing better ( other than the obvious if being able to keep a cleaner house and feel good enough to cook every night ) - it just feels impossible most nights.

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steelmagnolia Member
I went through so many years of being obsessed with getting and keeping my house clean that. Input way too much stress on myself. I am a perfectionist...a type A personality and pretty anal about most things. Not much has changed in my 63 years of life, except I have learned to let a few things go at times to keep myself from over stressing. Stress was one of my biggest triggers when I was younger and my children were small. My floors were cleaned/mopped/vacuumed EVERY day and we never had animals in the house to worry about animal hair or dander. No dishes were ever left in my sink for more than a few minutes, my aunt once said my "bathrooms are so clean you can eat in there", the windows were always clean and clear so you had no problem seeing outside and the sliding doors were cleaned every few hours when my babies were small enough to stand with their precious little hands on them to watch the things going on outside. Basically I would go and go and go and go until I would collapse. I have learned to lace myself and not over stress now when possible, because the Migraines wouldn't hit me at the peak of my stress, but would get me when the stress subsided and I would relax a little. Many a vacation would be ruined for me and my children and husband after getting there because I would literally KILL myself getting everything ready to leave. My house would be in perfect condition before we walked out the door, clean linens on al, the beds, all the laundry washed, dried, ironed and put away, new clothes for my girls would be made after staying up several nights in a row after bedtime sewing at my machine and then after getting the car packed for 6 people we would head out. I would be al, right on the way there, but wouldn't get any sleep. We would drive at night so the kids would sleep on the way there. After getting there i would still be wound up and tired, but wouldn't get any sleep until the first night upon arrival. Usually during the first night or sometime within the next 24 hours it would hit me. The spots, the flashing lights, the aura, then the pain and nausea would take hold. My husband and my children would be so upset that I couldn't get out of the room with them to play in the ocean or even sit on the beach and watch them. I still have them... I have just learned a lot of ways to control myself, my life and the triggers. I hope and pray you are able to get a handle on yours and have a family, but most of all ENJOY that family and your life.
1. dnvnfam5 Member
 Thanks for telling me your story, it gives me some perspective, because I don't always associate the migraine with the "stress letdown" period. It's just so hard to take it easy on days when I am feeling good (which are few) that I take full advantage of those days and do much more than I guess I should. My husband tells me to slow down and even calls those days "manic" because I clean the house, go shopping, go to the gym and live like I want to live and like how I used to live. But the next day, without fail, the migraine comes back, maybe not full force, but it will be within the next few days. My husband is wonderful and supportive but understandably he is frustrated. I've stayed at work later then my scheduled time catching up on things that I haven't been able to get done because of migraines instead of taking advantage of the good days and coming home and doing stuff around the house or resting. I'm trying to learn my limits but the good days are so good and so few, it's hard to rest on those days. It would be so depressing to just rest and let myself heal, even though I know that's what I need to do. I'm sure the stress of not being able to start a family right now is contributing but I also can't get into see my migraine doctor as often as I think I should. I've made an appointment with a new doctor, since mine told me she doesn't know what else to do for me. We were set up to do IVF once again, then I was in a car accident (rear ended by a drunk driver) so I need surgery on my lower back now, and my neck has multiple herniated discs. The migraines have been worse since the accident 6 months ago (not surprisingly). I'm sort of at the end of my rope and tired of being sick. One doctor told me to go on disability- I'm 33 and went through 9 years of schooling, there's no way I'm going on disability. There has to be something that can be done and I'm going to keep searching until I find that something. I know this post is rambling, it's how my brain is working at the moment (I feel the migraine in it's early stages, hopefully it'll stay right here, that'll be a good day). I will make a promise to myself not to over do it on the days I feel good and I will try not to feel guilty on my sickest days when I can't do anything. Maybe that will help.
teri-d Member
I can completely relate to your struggles. One of my biggest struggles was to let go of things I could no longer do but felt like I should do. I, too, have an angel for a husband. He cooks every night, even though he works so hard at his job, and I believe that I should be the one cooking! He neverr complains and is so supportive. It took ne a long time to learn to pace myself and to be patient with myself. Your pain is real and your fatigue and stress is real. I wake up every morning and kind of assess how I feel. I try to acconmplish one thing every day at least. Some days I do more than that but if I have a bad day or a string of bad days, I try to stay focused on trying to one thing, even if it is getting dressed and that is it! The point is that you have to respect your pain and take care of yourself. I can remember before my migraines started, how hard I worked at making everything perfect, and keeping the house perfect. It is sad that I can't do that anymore, but, I have to accept my new reality and know that the pain is real and I have to take care of it. It is very hard, but I start over every day and try to live as well as I can.
margaret75 Member
I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and struggles. I stay in this forum even though I no longer suffer from chronic migraines only to offer some hope to others. I understand you need for a "normal" life as it's something that every person who has migraines wants. Unless you have actually had a migraine you really can't relate or evern begin to understand the pain and depression that comes with it. Please read my story "The article that changed my life" and see what treatment I received that helped me conquer migraines. It is not conventional acupucture as no one else does the same technique as he does. Please just look at the articles and see for yourself. Good luck to you and I truly wish you all the best!!