I grew up an athlete - a competitive swimmer, captain of my high school swim team, then to aerobics, hiking, yoga and boxing. I took pride in pushing myself to my limits. I loved always being in shape and having toned arms :) Though I've had migraines since I was twelve, in the past eight years they've really ramped up in frequency and intensity.
One of my triggers is exercise. While I used to be the only one climbing the stairs, I now take the escalator. "What if I trigger a migraine?" "how does my head feel?" And, just like that, I've spooked myself.
I used to enjoy hiking - I lived on a huge hill and would take the loop at least every other day. Now I look at the trail and think "what if I'm halfway up and I get a migraine?" I'm getting up early for yoga and I feel dizziness - "what if today's a migraine day?"
For two years, migraines left me too exhausted and in pain to do anything other than go to work and come home and crash. I even started taking the subway in case I was too weak to drive. But, now that I finally have an awesome new neurologist and am starting to see some relief, I can't shake the fear. I've lost my toned arms and my stamina. I want to go back to the way I was - excited to exert myself, but I am afraid. What if I go back to chronic migraine?
Thank you for listening. I think even just putting it out there will help me to heal. I am thinking about going to a therapist to discuss this fear.
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