I Feel Better and Yet, I Don't

I know that it’s been a while since I’ve posted, one thing that irks me to no end is the loss of days and weeks that I endure and not just when I have an attack. Two weeks ago, I lost a Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday – Monday to an attack, the other two to the brain fog. I was shocked to say the least when I got out of bed one morning thinking it was Tuesday when it was really Thursday. Not good at all.

There’s been a few things that has happened since last I blogged, the first was a follow-up appointment with my PA that ended up not going exactly as planned. I was going for a check-in regarding the Trazodone, which I am happy to report that the shortness of breath had stopped entirely by the time I seen him but was hit with the bad news that it looks like my blood pressure is on the rise. I was doing my best to keep a migraine at bay when I saw him, which always tends to raise my BP but never to the level that he saw – 141/100 – that’s the highest its ever been, even during the stroke it never rose much past 136/94. As a result, he’s put me on a low dose of Metoprolol to start and the added bonus there is that it has been used in migraine prevention. I’ve been on it roughly a week and while that infernal shortness of breath returned the first night I took it (a side effect – go figure), I’ve had no other serious side effects since. We talked about my gallbladder, which I now have to track my issues with it and eventually get ready for its removal sometime in the future. Fabulous, both my dad and big sis had theirs removed and when I started having issues with mine I had a feeling I would eventually look at surgery.

And then this past Friday, a bombshell of a phone call with my attorney. After sitting down with another attorney and evaluating my case, they decided there wasn’t much more they could do for me and pretty much dropped me as a client – that is until I told them that I had a neurology visit schedule the middle of this month, then he was all ears again. It was then he mentioned that he finally had received a migraine log that I sent them back in October 2015 and it was then that I told him that wasn’t the only one I had sent, that I had sent just over 20 migraine logs that spanned from August 2014 up until the most recent log that he held in his hand. It explained a lot, not only was I sending the logs to the two offices that was gathering my information for my case – he never received them and they were never entered into evidence. It makes me wonder if my outcome would have been different if the judge actually saw 20 full migraine logs.

My head was slowly pounding and I could feel my heart beat in my ears when I got off the phone with them, I’ve no intention of going back to them and will be contacting another law firm this week to find out if there is a way to salvage my case. I doubt it given the amount of damage it probably incurred so I intend to let them know when I file for my Disability again that I will be retaining them and not the original firm I was using. The crazy thing is that I should have stayed on top of everything better, should have asked about the logs every time I was on the phone with him but even on my best days, my brain is still foggy and those logs were the last thing I was thinking of, I was worried about other aspects of my case.

The drama would not stop on Friday – with my neurology appointment just days away and not hearing from patients assistance, I contacted them to find out the status of my application – which I was denied. The woman I talked to on the phone did not have the denial letter near her, which I should be receiving tomorrow but from the looks of things what I sent them (which was everything they asked for) wasn’t enough for them to determine my eligibility. I would make six phone calls in a half an hour to obtain as much information as I possibly could, will be receiving another set of personal property tax papers, food stamp eligibility letter, denial letter from Medicaid, another set of W-2s, letters from friends, etc. to send back to them immediately so I can try this again. On top of that, I called the neurologists office to see if they could still see me with the recent development, I was told I would have to have at least $300 in hand at the time of the visit.

If I had $300 in hand, I wouldn’t need patients assistance.

I had to reschedule my neurology visit for the 17th of March but they were gracious enough to put me on a waiting list so if I can get this resolved with patients assistance soon and there is an appointment cancellation they can get me in sooner.

What makes this all incredible for me is that while this was going on, my medication was doing its job. If this was eight months ago where I wasn’t receiving any kind of real support via the meds, chances are I would have ended up in the hospital for mental and physical exhaustion, if not another stroke because my blood pressure would have blown the roof off of my house. I’m still having my migraines but the Trazodone has taken away the nuisance first thing in the morning headaches and because I’ve gotten on a decent sleep schedule, I’m starting to feel better overall. So in a way, I’m feeling better physically but the emotional and mental toll I’m taking on these constant issues and the no real change in my migraines seems to have put me in a permanent state of brain sludge.

I need a vacation.