Hurt to the Bone

By dhayes

1 min read

I have dealt with migraines since is was 13 years old. Over the years I have had good days and bad days, but you go on. I have been one of the lucky ones and have a boss who understands when I leave in the middle of the day. There has been times when people have said "you can't really hurt that bad" "headaches are controllable" but nothing has hurt so bad than when my granddaughter said "you always have a headache when we make plans".

How can I make her understand that I can't control migraines. I have tried to go the all her school programs, church plays, races, basketball but sometimes it's just not possible. She is 14 and has lived with me and has been there when I have sat and cried, held my head when I have thrown up. I know teenagers are self centered but it still hurts and you know it is impossible to MAKE them understand. My heart goes out to all grandmothers and mothers who have children who refuse to understand and accept our limitations. We do not want to have limitations but they are there and we do the best we can.

Donna from Tuscumbia, AL

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Nancy Harris Bonk Moderator
Hi Donna, Thank you for sharing your very personal story with us. It's difficult to deal with loved ones who are compassionate. Teenagers tend to be pretty narcissistic, but compassion and empathy are important traits to have. I wonder if she would be interested in reading a bit about migraine to help her understand it a bit better? I'll share a link with you and you can decide what you'd like to do with it; <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-is-not-an-excuse' target='_blank'>https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-is-not-an-excuse/</a> and <a href='https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-empathy-why-its-hard-for-people-to-get-it-and-how-to-help' target='_blank'>http://migraine.com/blog/migraine-empathy-why-its-hard-for-people-to-get-it-and-how-to-help/</a>. I hope this helps, Happy Holidays, Nancy
marikay62 Member
Donna, Thank you for sharing your story❤️ I have chronic migraines and I know all too well what it's like to have to miss out on so many things. My husband has had to go alone too many times. This makes me feel awful, and even worse my husband gets mad This isn't the life I want, and I'm not the wife he married. I try to do as much as possible even when I don't feel Well. But you know sometimes it's just not possible. Merry Christmas to you and your family. To all of us may the holidays be stress free and headache free! For the next two weeks I am extremely busy and I'm nervous about getting Migraines.
mary-oldhamhaley Member
I also have teenagers, 17, 15, and almost 12. I've had migraines for about 10 years now and they have really increased in the last year. Needless to say, I've also had to deal with some of this. My Girls ARE very good about it, and so is my work, but a part of me feels like I'm failing in my job as a mother and an employee. "God will never give you more than you can handle"..... Good luck to you!
lynneharrington Member
I feel the same. My migraines are getting worse. It's starting to take over my life. I wake up every day wondering how I'm going to feel. My husband is understanding but my kids say "you always have a headache". Don't know what's in store at Xmas as it now controls my social life.
cindymcmillan Member
Donna, I completely understand. {HUGS} I have had migraines since I was nine. At about age 30, a little over 2 1/2 years ago, they started getting much worse. I now have daily migraines. I also have 7 year old twins girls. One of them is very good about understand that Mommy doesn't feel good. The other, however, is much like your granddaughter. It's very hard on both of us. I know she would love to have me there and I would love to be there. Not being able to go hurts me as much as the migraine. Having her upset with me for not being there is so much worse. I keep hoping and trying to help her understand, but it's not easy. Hang in there. Some day she will understand. Cindy from Almira, WA