I used to... A poem about chronic migraine
I used to love the color purple
The color of royalty, of kings and queens
Cashmere sweaters in the summer
I used to love to travel
The freedom, the adventure, the exploration, the education
The air pressure on flights
The time changes
The motion sickness
Trapped in my home
I used to love storms
To cuddle up with a book and listen to the thunder
I fear the darkening of clouds
I tremble with the leaves when the rain begins to fall
I used to love to walk
The fresh air, the blue skies, the warm sun
Every step shoots straight to my head
When did my brain decide to house a ball of spikes
That expands with the beating of my heart
And stabs its own host?
I used to say YES
I’ll try anything once, why not?
Does that food have nuts?
Do you make that gluten free?
Will I be home in time to sleep?
Any way you can turn down the volume?
Can we go somewhere a little less perfumey?
I used to live BIG
To laugh the loudest, dance the hardest, enjoy the most
That restaurant, that bar, that party is too
And it hurts too much
I used to think that living life to the fullest
Meant being a whirlwind of energy
Heaping my plate high with whatever the world could offer
But now I measure success
In hours, not months
In steps, not miles
I used to, I used to, I used to…
I don’t want to live in the past
But how do I accept the present,
If everything that I thought made me me is no longer possible?
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